pain or joy ?
by musab shamali
Summary: Takes place after "to be continued..." (Tag for 4x24). What happened to Deeks and Sam? Kensi and Michelle? How will the team deal with their partners' kidnapping? It's about all of the team but mostly Deeks and Kensi. I still don't know what will happen between Deeks and Kensi, that's why I call it Pain or Joy? Hope you like it.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

When Kensi went after Michelle she saw her fighting Sidorov's girls, then all of a sudden Michelle got pushed out of the window.

Kensi fired her gun trying to shoot Sidorov's girls, but they ran. She started looking for them then she heard Michelle's voice out beyond the window and she was flooded with relief. She knew she had to end this as fast as she could in order to save Michelle.

She got behind some boxes and fired two bullets towards the girls. She heard a scream and knew that one of them had been shot. She crawled silently to get closer to the other one and when she jumped over the boxes and fired her gun she hit the other girl in the shoulder making her fall down. But, the other girl was far from beaten and she stood up to fight Kensi. When Kensi tried to fire her gun again she found she was out of bullets, so she had no choice but to start fighting. With one punch in the face to the other girl, and another kick in the stomach, Kensi knocked her down and cuffed her. She searched for the other one but found that she was dead.

She ran to the window and tried to grab Michelle's hand but she was too far away, so Kensi pulled the curtains and threw them towards Michelle. When Michelle grabbed them Kensi bent down and was able to pull her up.

"Thanks." Michelle gasped as she tried to collect her breath.

"No worries." Kensi replied in relief, glad that she had gotten her to safety.

She put her hand on her ear trying to give Eric the status on what happened, but the coms were lost. Instead, she grabbed her phone and dialed Eric's number. When Eric answered she spoke.

"Hey Eric, I've got Michelle here with me, and one of Sidorov's girls. The other one is dead."

"You should get her to the boatshed as soon as possible; you'll meet Callen and Hetty there." Eric said in a shaking voice.

"What's wrong Eric?" Kensi asked.

"You'll know when you get there," was Eric's response.

So she took Michelle and Veronica (Sidorov's girl) and drove as fast as she could towards the boat house.

On the way Michelle asked Kensi, "What's going on?"

"I don't know, Eric told me to get to the boatshed as soon as I could." Kensi replied, trying to sound calm.

"If Sidorov got those girls to kill me, maybe our cover was exposed and he got Sam!" Michelle said in a scared tone.

Kensi tried to calm her down. "If anything happened to them we will be the first to know." Though in her mind she was praying that Michelle was wrong.

When they got to the boatshed they met Callen and Hetty, Kensi noticed that Callen was angry and shaking. She asked, "What's wrong?" Afraid of the answer.

Hetty said: "Janvier blew Sam's cover in the meeting they had, and after Michelle got out of Sidorov's warehouse he cuffed Sam to a briefcase full of gold and pushed him into the pool. That's when we lost contact with him."

"What about Deeks? He was supposed to be Sam's backup." Kensi asked.

"Indeed, when Mr. Deeks saw what happened he went to help Sam, but met with Sidorov and two men who asked him to trade his gun with the handcuff keys. They threw the keys in the pool so Mr. Deeks jumped after the keys and that's then we lost contact with Mr. Deeks too." Hetty answered.

Michelle started to cry; blaming herself for what happened to her husband, but Callen told her it was his fault not hers.

Kensi on the other hand froze when she heard what happened and started to remember the last thing they talked about: how he told her that she was jealous about him and Monica and how her response was harsh, complaining about his communication skills, and then how he shut her up by kissing her and how she ran away from him.

"Kensi… Kensi." Callen called Kensi, waking her up from the memories.

"Huh, what?" Kensi replied.

"Are you okay?" Callen asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Although she was so far away from fine.

"Good because I'm gonna need you on the top of your game." Callen told Kensi, who nodded in return.

In the meantime, in one of Sidorov's warehouses…..

The sound of Deeks' screaming filled the room, but there was no one who could hear the sound because the walls were sound proof. The drill digging through Deeks' teeth made blood come streaming out of his mouth and over his jacket and favorite shirt.

"Stop." Sidorov ordered his man, and then continued to ask Deeks, "Is Quinn an agent?"

"I told you man, I'm a police officer! We were casing the house; I don't know anything about this." Deeks managed to say while he was choking in his own blood, but he was rewarded with a punch in the stomach making him cough the blood out of his mouth.

"Is it safe to sell the bombs? Are there any undercover agents?" Sidorov asked again.

That drew a smile of disbelief from Deeks. "I don't know anything, I told you…" He got another punch before he could complete his answer.

"Give me the knife." Sidorov told his man, who turned to the table and grabbed the knife that was sharp as new.

Deeks face turned white as if all of the blood was drained from it. "What are you doing?" Deeks asked nervously.

Sidorov smiled, got closer to Deeks, and started tearing his shirt off. He placed the knife on his bare chest. "Is it safe to sell the bombs?"

When Deeks didn't answer he started pulling the knife slowly over his chest leaving a 3 inch cut just below his right shoulder. Deeks bit his bottom lip trying not to scream, but it didn't help. He let out a very loud cry of pain and started cursing Sidorov who laughed along with his man.

Sam watched what was happening from the other room and in his mind he is praying that Deeks will be strong and not give up his wife. He wishes Sidorov and his man would come back to torture him instead of Deeks.

Sidorov got tired of Deeks. He cut four cuts into Deeks' chest: they were deep and bleeding like an open faucet. In that moment Deeks started to lose consciousness, but he was awaked by a bucket full of water; they wanted him to feel every minute of torture.

In Deeks' mind he tried to think of anything that could get his mind away from the pain. That's when he remembered how his father used to beat the hell out of him. The thought itself made his body start to shake. He remembered how he used to think of the happy things that happened to him to help him deal with the pain, although they were rare and short they were enough to deal with the pain. But, here in this moment he doubted they would help. Suddenly he thought of Kensi and what she was doing now, and then the images of their last conversation came across his mind: how she was jealous of Monica and how he followed her to the bike and cupped her face and kissed her.

"Hey! Look at me." Sidorov yelled, snapping Deeks out of his thoughts. "Now I'm going to ask you and if you don't answer me your friend there will take the electric shocks, so let's start again. Is it safe to sell the bombs?"

Deeks didn't know what to do. If he didn't talk then Sam would be electrocuted. He knew that he could take the torture and not give up Michelle but he didn't know how Sam's health was… did he have enough strength in his body to resist? He was pulled out of his thoughts when Sidorov asked his man to turn the power on and Sam started to shake. What could he do? What should he do?


	2. Chapter 2

As Sam got electrocuted a second time, Sidorov continued to interrogate Deeks. Deeks got tired of seeing Sam tortured and shouted, "Stop it!"

"Are you going to talk now?" Sidorov asked, laughing.

In the boatshed…

"Now let's go talk make that ** talk." Callen said to Kensi.

"Okay."

When Callen entered the interrogation room he started by asking Veronica, "Where did Sidorov take our agents?"

Veronica remained silent.

"Okay, as you wish. I'm going out and letting my partner come and continue this with you." Then he got closer and whispered something in her ear. That's when Kensi came in.

"Do whatever you want to do to get her to talk, okay?" Callen instructed Kensi while he was heading out of the room.

Veronica's face was white like a sheet of paper after what Callen had said.

"So. Where are our agents?" Kensi demanded in an angry yet low voice. The girl didn't answer.

Kensi stood and disconnected the camera, turned the coms off, and went back to her chair.

"Where is my partner?" When Veronica didn't answer Kensi was beside her in one second holding her shoulder and jamming her finger into Veronica's bullet hole. She let out a scream that everyone in the boatshed heard.

"Where is my partner?!" Kensi asked again more angrily, but Veronica didn't respond which earned her a punch in the stomach.

Kensi repeated, "Where is my partner?" With no response Kensi gave the girl a punch in the face, but all Veronica said was, "So he was wrong about you."

Kensi got confused. "What are you talking about?"

"The one who was here before told me that I shouldn't mess with you, especially about your partner. I want to tell you, if Sidorov has your partner he will play with him so much before he k—." She was interrupted with a kick on her head making her slam to the floor in her chair. Kensi put her foot on her shoulder and pressed harder until she was about to blackout. Kensi didn't want the girl to blackout until she told her where Sidorov had her partner so she grabbed a bottle of water and poured it on Veronica's face. "So again, where is my partner?!"

Outside the room Hetty was talking to Callen. "Do you think this is the right thing to do Mr. Callen?"

"I don't care if it's the right thing to do or not, all I know is that this it the only way to get Sidorov's location and that's the important thing right now."

In the warehouse…

When Sam saw Deeks and heard what he'd said, he thought that Deeks was going to break and give up his wife. He thought, 'I know he is weak, I know it. That's why I didn't trust him, that's why I wanted Callen with me to back me up.'

When Sidorov got beside Deeks he said with a smile, "So, you want to talk? Oh you are a fun killer."

"I'll tell you everything you want to know, but I have two conditions you have to follow." Deeks gasped.

"I don't think that you are in a position to ask for conditions." Sidorov responded.

Sam watched what Deeks was doing and looked at the Detective with contempt.

"You can torture us as much as you want till you tired or bored and you will not get anything." Deeks said in a very low voice that Sam almost didn't hear. When Sam heard that, the look on his face turned to confusion, 'what is he doing?' He thought.

"Okay, what do you want?" Sidorov asked, anger in his eyes.

"I want a paper and a pen to write a letter to someone." Said Deeks.

"Okay." Sidorov conceded, nodding his head to one of the men to get what the Detective asked for.

When they got him what he wanted, they untied one of his hands and gave him the pen and paper. He started writing and after he finished, folded it and said, "Put this in my partner's pocket and tell him to give it to Fern."

"What makes you think that he will get out of here alive?" Queried Sidorov.

"Because that's my second condition: you will go and drop him at the hospital and you will call the police and ask for Lieutenant Bates and tell him that Detective Marty Deeks asked him to put this man under protection. I want to see a video proving that is done." Deeks said, sounding like he was ordering which made Sidorov more angry. "You are joking right? Why would I do that?"

"Because you have no other choice if you want to know everything. So that you know I'm telling the truth take my badge from my back pocket, you will find my name, and that's our liaison agent from the F.B.I, his name is Jimmy Roland." Deeks told Sidorov who had taken the badge from Deeks.

"You know if you are trying to play with me you will wish you were dead, you understand me?" Sidorov threatened.

When Sam knew what Deeks was doing he almost cried, and his confusion turned to shame at himself for doubting Deeks for the second time.

"So we have an agreement?" Deeks asked.

"We will have to drug him so he won't cause any problems."

"Okay."Deeks agreed.

Sidorov put the letter in Sam's pocket, drugged him, and started their deal.

After they took Sam and left, Sidorov ordered one of his men to get some bandages and wrap it around the Detective's chest to stop the bleeding.

Almost thirty minutes later, the men came back with video on a camera that they showed to Deeks. He felt relieved when he recognized the two officers who guarded the operation room that Sam was in.

"So. Is it safe to sell the bombs or are there other undercover agents?" Sidorov smiled when Deeks motioned for him to come closer, he thought Deeks was going to tell him everything, but when he bent down to Deeks: "What bombs are you talking about? And what undercover agents?" Deeks said with a smile on his face. That's when Sidorov blew up and started to fist hi hand and punch Deeks everywhere. He and his men kept hitting him, one would rest and the other would beat him.

In the boatshed…

After fifteen minutes Kensi got out of the room with her hands covered in blood and stains all over her shirt.

"Kensi what happened in there?" Callen asked worriedly.

"Nothing important. These are three addresses she gave me where Sidorov might be. Give it to Eric to check it and I'll follow you after I wash myself."

Callen called Eric. "Hey Eric, I sent some addresses where Sidorov might be, check it out until we get to Ops."

"Okay." Eric started tapping on his tablet.

Callen went to see what was happening inside the interrogation room and he was completely shocked at what he saw. The woman had a broken nose, a bleeding shoulder, and a swollen jaw. She was lying on the ground and Callen couldn't say anything except: "I told you so."

When Callen walked into Ops he begged the Tech, "Eric, please tell me you have something."

"We still didn't get anything, but we are reviewing the traffic cameras on the street around the addresses to see if we can find something."

Callen walked to the bullpen where he was waiting for any updates when Kensi and Michelle came in. "What did we find?"

"Nothing yet."

After one hour Eric got out of Ops and whistled for the team to come in. "We found something!"

The three rushed through the door all asking, "What did you find?"

"We have street cameras around the three addresses, all of which are warehouses. We didn't find anything in the first two, but at the other one we saw two cars and one SUV enter and one car leave after two hours only to come back thirty minutes later. There are two guards on the front door and two on the back."

"So what do we do now?" Kensi inquired.

"Can we find out how many men there are?" Asked Callen.

"Let me start a thermal scan over the warehouse and see what I can find " .

After the scan finished. "Okay we have four people inside the house, let's say two of them are Sam and Deeks which leaves Sidorov and another man inside with them." Eric finished explaining to the team.

"Okay, I have a plan. Eric, call S.W.A.T and tell them to bring four snipers with them and meet us a block away from the warehouse." Callen order while he was walking out of the Ops room, followed by Kensi and Michelle. They headed towards the armory room, put on vests and packed up their guns and ammo.

When they met up with the S.W.A.T team Callen started explaining the plan. "The four snipers you have place on those buildings and take out these guards all at the same time. Kensi, you take three S.W.A.T agents with you and me and Michelle will take two. The rest of you stay at the doors and take out any who get away."

When the snipers had taken their place Callen said, "On three. One, two, three!" And in four shots simultaneously the guards went down. The two teams barged inside the warehouse, checking the rooms one by one until they met at a hallway that ended with one door. They approached slowly and, on Callen's signal, opened the door and entered the room. "Federal agents drop your weapons!"

They saw Sidorov punching Deeks all over his body. One of Sidorov's men tried to grab his gun but Callen shot him twice in the chest, while the other man dropped his gun and put his hands in the air in surrender. Sidorov ducked behind Deeks and pulled his gun, pointing it at Deeks' head. "Don't move or I'll kill him!"

"There is no way you are getting out alive, so put your gun down and put your hands over your head." Ordered Callen.

"If you don't let me go I'll kill him!" Sidorov repeated.

Kensi was angry, but she glanced at Callen to see what he wanted, and when he didn't signal anything she took two steps to the side so she could get a clear shot at Sidorov. When she saw his shoulder she took a deep breath then fired one shot. It hit Sidorov smack in the shoulder, dropping him on his back and in the blink of an eye Callen was there to take his gun and cuff him. He handed the cuffed man to the S.W.A.T. team.

When he took a look at Deeks his mouth dropped wide open and he felt the urge to vomit. "Eric call two ambulances right away!" He yelled.

Kensi was frozen after taking the shot, but when she heard Callen call Eric for ambulances she remember Deeks. She ran to him but he was unconscious. When she was how he looked she vomited right away: his nose was bleeding, his eyes were black and swollen, and he had two cuts on his face. Those weren't the worst things though, when Kensi saw the blood on the bandages that wrapped around his chest she tried to take them off but Deeks winced and started to regain consciousness.

"Deeks!" Kensi called to him.

"Hey Fern, you're here." His voice was very low.

"Where else would I be?" She asked, tears in her eyes.

"Is Sam okay?" He asked.

"We didn't find him, where is he?" Questioned Callen.

"He's in the hospital." His eyes started to close.

"What do you mean in the hospital?" Michelle asked from behind, but he was out.

Kensi dialed Eric's number. "Where are the damn paramedics?!"

"They should be there in any minute." Eric said.

"He doesn't have a minute!" Kensi shouted.

"Let's free him and get him out of here and we will meet the paramedics outside." Callen suggested.

When they got him out of the warehouse, the paramedics had arrived. They placed him on a stretcher, jumped in the ambulance and drove away as fast as they could.


	3. Chapter 3

After the rescue, Sidorov and his man were taken to the boatshed for interrogation. N.C.I.S. and S.W.A.T searched the warehouse but didn't find the bombs.

Callen, Kensi and Michelle got in the car and headed to the hospital to check on their partner and then try to find Sam. Fifteen minutes later they arrived at the hospital and found Hetty waiting for them at the front door. She nodded for them to follow her to the elevator.

After they were on the OR floor Callen broke the silence. "Hetty, where is Deeks?"

"He is in surgery. What happened there Mr. Callen?" Hetty inquired.

"When we got there we saw Sidorov beating the hell out of Deeks. We took out one of his men, the other surrendered and Kensi shot Sidorov in the shoulder. We got Deeks here, but we didn't find Sam there. When we asked Deeks about him he said that he is already in the hospital."

"Indeed." Hetty confirmed.

"What do you mean Hetty?" Michelle demanded.

"When all of you headed to the warehouse I got a call from Lieutenant Bates…."

"Deeks' boss?" Callen interrupted.

"Yes. He asked me if Mr. Deeks was okay because he received a call from a man telling him that there was a man dropped at the hospital that Detective Marty Deeks wanted to be under protection. Lieutenant Bates sent two officers to the hospital but the man was in surgery so they stood at the OR door he was placed in. I told him that Mr. Deeks is on a case right now, but when he contacted us we would tell him to call."

"And?" Callen prompted.

"And when I checked with the hospital we found that Mr. Hanna is the one who was sent to the OR. He was drugged when he came in but from the burns on his wrists and his heart being unstable they suspected that he was in an electric chair. They have been in surgery for two hours now."

"What exactly happened?" Kensi asked.

"Well, we won't know until one of them wakes up and fill us in on what happened I suppose." Was Hetty's reply.

Kensi sat on the ground, her back leaned against the wall. She was exhausted. Her mind drifted to the moment she saw his bruised and cut face; remembering that made her feel sick. But what sticks out in her mind is the bandages that were over his chest, and how Deeks had awakened when she tried to see what was underneath them. Now she was wondering what had been under them, but she got dragged from her thoughts when a doctor got out of the OR.

"The family of Mr. Hanna?" The doctor called. All of them stood up and gathered behind Hetty.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Leon Brick, Mr. Hanna's doctor." The man introduced himself.

"Hello Doctor, I'm Hetty and we are all Mr. Hanna's family." Hetty informed him.

"Well, on the outside he has a few burns on the wrists and back, but it's the inside that's the problem. His veins took a beating and his heart beat was seriously disordered. The burns on the outside will take time to heal but we've treated them, we managed to stabilize his heart for now but he needs rest so that we can figure out if there will be permanent problems with his heart and if the brain got affected by the shocks. If there is nothing serious it will be just a matter of time to heal and get back to the way he was before. He has been moved to a room now, but only one person can go see him at a time. Room 310."

Hetty told Michelle to go and stand beside her husband, the rest of them went back to the way they were before the doctor had entered.

Callen's phone vibrated. "Callen"

"Hello Mr. Callen it's Granger."

"What do you want?" Callen demanded in an angry tone.

"We have a case we need to close and nuclear bombs we must recover. I need you and Ms. Blye to go back to the boatshed and interrogate Sidorov and his man." Granger ordered then hung up.

"Despite the fact that Callen didn't like him, he had a point. The case wasn't over until they got the bombs back, so he walked to Hetty.

"What do you want Mr. Callen?" She asked.

"Granger called me on the phone and order us to go back to the boatshed and get Sidorov and his man to tell us where the bombs are." Callen said.

"You can go Mr. Callen."

"What about Kensi?"

"What about her?"

"Granter told me to take her with me."

"Look at her Mr. Callen, she can't focus on anything right now so she won't be helpful there."

"What about Granger?"

"I will deal with him Mr. Callen, you can go."

"Okay, but you will keep me posted right?"

Hetty nodded. He walked to the elevator and left the hospital. In his car he took off for the boatshed: it took him twenty minutes to get there. He walked in and asked where Sidorov's man was. He knew he couldn't break Sidorov, not now. When he walked into the room with Sidorov's crony he sat and asked. "Where are the bombs?" The man didn't answer so Callen went to plan B.

"Look at me. If you look at your situation it's not good. Kidnapping and torturing a federal agent and a police officer, stealing nuclear bombs with the intention of selling them to Iran, and the terrorization of innocent people, you are looking at the death penalty."

The man started in panic and said hopefully, "And?"

"If you are willing to give us the bombs we will give you a deal. We will testify in court that you helped recover stolen nuclear bombs." Callen was lying but he hoped that he would convince the man with that. They sat in silence for seconds before Callen stood up and walked to the door saying, "It's your last chance, I don't think they will give it to you a second time."

Before he opened the door the man said, "Stop! I'll tell you everything you want to know!"

Before he gave Callen the address to where the bombs were being held he told him that there would be four guards on the warehouse.

Callen called Eric. "I have the address to where the bombs are, I'll sent it to you to check it out and I'll be with you in ten minutes."

When Callen walked through the door to Ops he met Granger and another two agents. They set the plan and called a S.W.A.T. team to meet them at the location.

When they arrived they saw two men on the outside. They took them out silently and got through the doors, clearing the warehouse room by room until they ran into one of the other men who pulled his gun and fired one shot before he got five shots in his chest. The door to one of the rooms cracked open slowly and a man threw his gun out in surrender.

"Put your hands above your head and come out slowly." Callen ordered the other man, who did what he asked.

They searched the warehouse until they found the stolen bombs and got them back.

Callen called Granger, filling him in on what happened while he was driving his car to the hospital.

When he got to the hospital he looked over at Hetty, searching for any new news, but there was nothing. He went to sit in one of the chairs in the waiting room.

In Ops, after they finished everything, Eric and Nell informed Granger that they were going to the hospital. When they were out of the building Nell's eyes started watering and the sound of a sob made Eric stop and turn to face Nell. "Hey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, but I can't imagine what Deeks went through, you saw the shape he was in when they moved him to the ambulance."

"He is gonna be fine Nell, it's just gonna take some time to heal then he will be back the way he was." Eric assured her. She got closer to him and hugged him tight, he put his arms around her holding on until she stopped crying.

"We should go if we want to be with them." Eric said while he took her face in his hand. "He is gonna be fine Nell, Deeks and Sam will be fine. Now let's go." Nell nodded in agreement.

After they got to the hospital Nell ran towards Kensi and hugged her. Kensi did not respond, instead she was lost in her thoughts. Nell shook her to snap her out of it, because the analyst knew whatever she was thinking about wasn't good. When Kensi snapped out of it she hugged Nell back and started sobbing.

"It's okay, he's gonna be fine." It was Nell's turn to reassure. "How is Sam?" Nell asked.

"He was tortured in an electric chair, but is fine now, they have him in a room and Michelle is there with him. They are waiting to be sure that there are no permanent effects on his heart or brain from the shocks he got." Kensi answered Nell, but she stood up when the OR opened and two nurses rushed through the hall. When Kensi asked what was going on they didn't answer her and they ran to the elevator. Kensi's heart dropped because she knew something was wrong with Deeks, and before she realized it she fell to the ground unconscious.


	4. Chapter 4

Callen and Eric ran towards Kensi and, lifting her from the ground, quickly placed her in a chair. They tried to wake her up but didn't succeed so instead called for a nurse. A nurse came running and she, along with Callen and Eric, took her to a room where the nurse sedated her and put her in bed to sleep.

In the waiting area Hetty was on fire, waiting for any news, but there was none.

After three hours Kensi started to wake up slowly. After her eyes adjusted to where she was she remembered everything that had happened before she blacked out. She got up out of the bed and left the room, trying to find her coworkers. She raced through the halls until she found them in the waiting area in the same way she left them.

"What happened?" Kensi asked, her tone begging for an answer.

"Well, after you fainted, Ms. Blye, the nurses rushed to the elevator and came back five minutes later with blood bags in their hands. They then rushed to the OR again and no one has come out yet." Hetty answered.

Kensi's eyes started to water so Nell got closer to her and put her arms around the agent, pulling her into a tight hug. Kensi returned the hug and started to sob on her shoulder.

After she calmed down she started to think that if the nurses hadn't come out yet then that meant he is still alive. If the fact that they were taking so long was good news or bad news she didn't know, but she was worried because what the hell were they still doing in there if it wasn't a bad situation. She didn't know what to do so she sat on the chair trying to reassure herself that he was going to be okay; it didn't matter if he never came back to work, the only important thing now was that he get out of this alive and safe.

Before she knew it she had fallen asleep on Nell's shoulder who was sitting next to her.

After two hours…

Two doctors came out of the OR, Callen and Eric stood behind Hetty while Nell tried to wake Kensi. "Kensi…. Hey, Kensi."

Kensi awoke and asked, "What's up?"

"The doctors got out of….." Before Nell could complete her sentence Kensi was at the doctors' side.

One of the doctors asked, "Are you the family of Mr. Deeks?"

"Yes we are." Hetty confirmed.

"Hi, I'm Dr. John Martin and this is Dr. Robin Haze. We were the operators on Mr. Deeks surgery." One of the doctors said, introducing them.

"Welcome Dr. Martin, Dr. Haze, I'm Hetty and we are all the family of Mr. Deeks. How is he?"

"Well, that's hard to know right now." Dr. Martin said looking at the charts in his hands. "He has a broken nose, a cracked cheekbone, two cuts (one over the nose and one over the eye), a swollen jaw, five of his teeth were drilled to the gum and he has multiple cuts inside his mouth."

Everyone was shocked to hear the doctor say that their funny partner, the one whose smile never left his face, had been tortured this way; Kensi and Nell had their hands over their mouths.

"But, that is not the worst thing…" Before the doctor could continue he was interrupted by Callen yelling, "What do you mean that's not the worst thing?! Is there something more than that?"

"All of that was the face area, I still haven't mentioned the chest." The doctor said, flipping through the papers in his hands.

"What's wrong with his chest?" Kensi managed to whisper.

"Well, he has two broken ribs and another four cracked. We found four deep cuts all over his chest that took forty-seven stitches to close. He lost too much blood and his heart stopped three times in surgery, we almost lost him there. To be honest, when we first saw him we were surprise that he was even breathing, I guess he is a fighter."

"Can we see him?" Kensi asked.

"No, I'm afraid you can't. He is in an isolated room because we are afraid of his cuts getting infected. He will be there for at least seventy-two hours under watch. No one can see him right now. We gave him antibiotics, just in case, to give him a fighting chance, and we sedated him so he will sleep through all this and recover. If he gets through the seventy-two hours his chance of living will increase, and, if the rest of his body starts to heal we will work on his mouth and ribs." The doctor finished.

"What do you mean if he gets better? He will get better, he has to!" Kensi exploded, yelling at the doctor, but deep inside she was trying to reassure herself that Deeks would get better; that he would get back to her and not leave her like her father had… like Jack had.

"Well that's up to him, and if his body can fight enough to survive." The doctor replied, trying to calm her down.

With that the doctors turned on their heels and headed back to their offices.

When the doctors had left, Kensi's tears were like two rivers flowing over her cheeks and she rushed out of the hospital not knowing where she was headed. She just had to get out of there. She got in her car and drove away.

In the hospital Hetty ordered the team to go home, get some sleep, and come here in the morning. They tried to argue but Hetty told them that they couldn't see their coworkers right now so there was no point. Realizing this was true, they all nodded and headed to their homes to get some rest.

With that taken care of Hetty headed out to look for Kensi. She knew there were two places where she would be: either at her mom's house or in her partner's apartment. She called Kensi's mother just to be sure, though she was fairly positive that Kensi would be at her partner's apartment.

"Hello Ms. Feldman, this is Hetty."

"Hi Hetty, what can I do for you?"

"Well, I wanted to know if Kensi was with you."

"No, has something happened to her?" Julia asked, worried over her daughter.

"Mr. Deeks has been beaten and he is currently in the hospital. Kensi ran away so I thought she might come to you."

"Oh my God, is he okay?"

"We don't have any information now, but we will see what will happen in the upcoming days."

"Okay, and Kensi, how is she?"

"She will be fine. She has this issue to deal with and then she will be all right. I will find her and then tell you what happened." Hetty assured her.

Hetty headed towards Deeks' apartment, and, when she saw Kensi's car, parked, then walked to the door. She knocked because she didn't want to scare Kensi.

Inside, Kensi flinched because no one should be here. She walked to the door and called, "Who is it?"

"It's me Ms. Blye." Hetty answered.

Kensi put down her gun and opened the door. "What's wrong Hetty? Did something happen to Deeks?"

"No, there is nothing wrong, and nothing has happened to Mr. Deeks. I just came here to check on you.

"I'm fine Hetty." Kensi muttered.

"No you are not Ms. Blye. No one is fine and won't be for a long time. Things will not be the same but that is why we need to deal with this now so that we can recover from it as soon as possible. And if you keep hiding behind your walls you will never be able to confront these horrors and fight them in the future. You have to fight right now; if not for you then for your partner: Do you think he will be okay with what you are doing? Running from what happened to him instead of being by his side when he needs you the most? Is that really what you want to do to him?" Hetty spoke in a calm voice, trying to convince Kensi without forcing her.

"I know Hetty, I know that I have to be with him now and not let him fight alone, but I can't stop thinking of what the doctor said: that is in a critical state that….." Kensi's voice was barely above a whisper. "That he might die and leave me like the others did. It's not fair Hetty." Kensi finished, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"It is never fair Ms. Blye, but I don't think that is a reason to break you down. You should stand up and fight for him! I don't think Mr. Deeks ever intends to leave you and hurt you, knowing what happened to you in the past." Hetty said, trying to comfort Kensi.

"Okay. I'll go to the hospital with you."

"I know that I told you that you have to stand by his side, but you should get some rest first. You can sleep in your partner's apartment or you can go back to yours, whichever you like, but you have to promise me that you won't give up and that you'll keep fighting like I said."

"I promise you, but I'd like to stay here for tonight. I'll come to the hospital in the morning."

With that assurance Hetty left the apartment and headed back to the hospital.

In the morning all of them were at the hospital (Hetty had given them all a recovery vacation, she knew they would be at the hospital for their team members no matter what).

At ten a.m. Sam started to wake up. Michelle was sleeping on a chair with her head resting on his bed. He put his hand over her head and she awoke just from the touch. "Hey baby, how are you?" Michelle asked him.

"I'm fine, how is Deeks?" Sam answered.

"He is still unconscious."

"You have to tell me when he wakes up okay?" Sam asked her. Immediately she knew something was wrong.

"Okay, but is there something wrong?" She asked worriedly.

"No, just when Deeks wakes up, let me know." He replied, before turning his face away from her.

She knew that there was something wrong with her husband's attitude, but she couldn't tell what. But, knowing the team was anxiously waiting for news, she stood up and walked out of the room to tell them that Sam was awake.


	5. Chapter 5

After Sam woke up Michelle ran to find the others.

"Hetty! Sam is awake!" She called.

"That's wonderful." Hetty said, relieved that one of her team was awake to fill them in on what happened. Hetty informed the nurses that Sam was awake so that they could check on him. After the nurses finished, Callen, Michelle, Kensi, Eric, and Nell followed Hetty to the room only to find Sam looking at the ceiling as if he was lost in his thoughts.

"Mr. Hanna?" Hetty called. No response.

"Hey, Sam. Look at me. Are you okay?" Callen demanded in a louder voice. Nothing happened. When Michelle came closer to him and held his hand in hers he came back to real life. When he saw the team around him he was surprised, but it didn't show on his face.

"Where's Deeks?"

"Mr. Deeks is out of surgery but he is asleep now. He will be fine, he just needs some time to heal; there is nothing to worry about." Hetty lied, aware that something had happened between the two but not wanting to cause Sam any stress.

"I want to talk to him when he is awake, do you hear me?" He told them all.

"Okay, but how do you feel right now?" Callen asked.

"I'm fine, I just want to talk to Deeks." Sam said. This made everyone suspect that something had happened between the two (everyone but Hetty who had already figured it out. As always, her team was a step behind).

"Mr. Hanna, can you tell us what happened after the pool?" Hetty requested that he fill the team in on what had happened.

"Not now. Now I just want to talk to Deeks. After that, I will tell you everything you want to know." His tone was upset, whether he was upset at himself or at what he perceived Deeks had done to him, his wife and his family, they weren't sure.

"What happened between you two?" Kensi asked, confused at the way Sam was acting.

"I said not now! After I talk to Deeks I'll tell you everything!" Sam exclaimed, getting angrier.

"He may not wake up. He might die." Kensi whispered, tears spilling out of her eyes, before walking out of the room.

"Mr. Hanna, we will leave you to get some rest now." Hetty said firmly, but was interrupted by Sam asking, a confused look in his eyes. "What did she mean Hetty? You said he is gonna be okay."

"He is going to be fine. She is afraid of losing another partner that's all." Hetty said, trying to reassure him. Motioning to the team, all of them but Michelle left Sam's room.

Callen approached Hetty and whispered to her. "What do you think happened between them?"

"I don't know Mr. Callen, but it seems like it was something very bad. From what I know about Mr. Hanna and his behavior with Mr. Deeks, I imagine that Mr. Hanna said or did something wrong to Mr. Deeks and he regrets it now."

"And because of it he's acting like this? That's why he keeps asking about Deeks, because he wants to talk to him and fix everything? Is that what you are saying Hetty?" Callen asked in disbelief, questioning Hetty.

"Although I don't like your tone Mr. Callen, that is indeed what I think happened."

"So what do we do now?"

"Nothing. We wait and pray for Mr. Deeks to get better and then we can hope to understand everything that's taken place.

Kensi was sitting on a chair in the corner of the waiting room, the tears still rolling down her cheeks. Nell was beside her trying to comfort her, hugging her and rubbing her hand up and down Kensi's arm.

Eric, looking at his partner, didn't know what to do. He wanted to go over to Hetty and Callen but was afraid of the look on Hetty's face. Instead he just stood leaning back against the wall, hoping Deeks would wake up soon so that all of these nightmares they were all living would end and that they could all get back to the way they were before.

At 7 p.m. Michelle left Sam's room and walked to Callen. "Hey Callen, can you stay with Sam? He's asleep right now and I'll be back as soon as possible but I need to go check on the kids."

"No problem. You should go and get some sleep yourself. If anything happens I'll call you."

In the middle of the night Kensi went and searched for Dr. John Martin. She asked the nurses where he could be, and after they told her where, she found him.

"Hi Dr. Martin, my name is Kensi Blye, I'm Marty Deeks' partner." Kensi introduced herself.

"Hello Ms. Blye, what can I do for you?"

"Could you please let me see him just for a minute? I just want to check on him, that's all." Kensi pleaded.

"I'm sorry Ms. Blye, but we can't risk it. No one is allowed in the isolated room; anything could make his situation worse. He has been there for twenty-eight hours: he needs more time. But, if you want we can open the curtains and you can see him through the glass in the observation room. That's all I can do for you."

"That would be great."

The doctor nodded and said, "Follow me." Kensi walked behind him to Deeks' room. After they arrived the doctor told the nurse to open the curtains the looked over to Kensi. "Ten minutes, that's all I can get you. No one is really allowed to be here."

Kensi nodded and stood at the glass doors. When the curtains opened Kensi put her hands over her mouth: she almost didn't recognize him. His face was swollen and colorful, bandages were over his eye, over his nose and a metal separator was in his mouth to keep his teeth separated. It was much worse than the doctor had warned. She started to cry and fell on her knees. "Deeks, you have to wake up. Please. You have to. I don't want to lose someone else, please!" She was interrupted by a nurse telling her that she would have to go. Standing, she waved to Deeks then walked unsteadily back to the waiting area. When she entered, however, no one was there except Hetty.

"Hello Ms. Blye, how is Mr. Deeks?" Hetty inquired.

"I don't know. The doctor didn't say anything, he just let me see him through the glass doors. He looked like he was in a lot worse shape than the doctor said…" Kensi managed to finish before the tears started running down her cheeks. "I don't know if he's gonna make it Hetty, he's dying and there is nothing we can do to help him. We are watching him die and that's not fair!" Kensi cried.

"Look at me Kensi. There is nothing we can do for him except pray. But I have watched Mr. Deeks for a long time, long before I got him to N.C.I.S. and I saw that he is a great fighter, doing anything to help people. And if there is one thing I know it is that Mr. Deeks is not weak, he will not give up or surrender easily. He will fight till his last breath. And I know that he is on his own inside that room, but we have to believe in him. He will not leave us by choice." Hetty spoke vigorously, using Kensi's first name to try and give her the trust and confidence she needed to make her believe in her partner and calm down. "Kensi, there is a room, number 314, empty. I asked the doctor if we could take it, and since he didn't mind, I suggest you go and get some sleep. I already sent Ms. Jones and Mr. Beale to their apartments to get some rest because we all need that right now." Hetty told Kensi firmly.

Kensi wanted to protest, but she knew that with Hetty you cannot win an argument. Instead she just nodded and headed to the room, slipped into the bed, and tried to get some sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

In the morning everyone was awake and Michelle had just walked into the hospital as Sam was being checked on by his doctor. They all gathered in the waiting area and when Dr. Martin came by Hetty stopped him. "Dr. Martin, is there anything new on Mr. Deeks?"

"Oh hello Ms. Lange. Well, his body is healing from the infection but not as fast as we would like. It's better than nothing; it just means that the work on his mouth and ribs will be delayed till the infection is fully healed. We hope nothing goes wrong in the meantime, but, as I said, it's better than nothing right now Excuse me, I have some appointments to get to." He then walked to his office.

After Sam's doctor finished his checkup he walked out of the room only to be met by Hetty and the team in the waiting area.

"How is he doing Dr." Michelle asked.

"Well physically he is actually doing very well. The burns on his hands are healing but his veins will need seven to ten days to heal before he will be back to normal. We are keeping him on a heart monitor for two more days and if there is nothing wrong with him we will take him to check on his brain. I don't think there will be anything wrong because his speech is normal and he eats and moves right. We will do it just to be sure that he is okay, then he can be discharged after his veins heal in ten days or less. What concerns me is his mind state: he keeps asking for someone called Deeks. My guess is that he's depressed about something that happened between them so he needs someone he can talk to, and soon, or it will get worse."

"We have a man who will talk to Mr. Hanna, don't worry about that Dr. Brick." Hetty reassured the doctor.

"Well, if that's all you will have to excuse me, I have some patients to visit. I will see you again." Wit that the doctor continued on.

"Hetty pulled out her phone and said, "I have to make a call." She then turned around and walked out of the waiting area.

When she was out of the hospital she dialed a number on the phone. "Mr. Getz you are needed here. I want you on the next flight to the Mission."

"Did something happen to the team Hetty?" Nate asked worriedly.

"When you get here you will be informed of what has happened."

"What am I supposed to tell them here?"

"Do not worry about that, I will take care of everything." Hetty stated, then hung up.

In the evening, the whole team was in Sam's room. Although he hadn't talked much they were there to try and comfort him and bring a normalcy back into his life. After awhile Hetty ordered everyone to leave so that he could get some more rest; rest that he needed to heal.

Eric and Nell left eh hospital all together to sleep at their respective places, Hetty told Callen and Kensi to go to the room in the hospital she had gotten for the team and to sleep. After that she went looking for Dr. Martin, wanting to know more about Deeks' status. When she arrived at his office, however, she saw him rush out the door running to the elevator. She called out to him but he was already gone. She had a sinking feeling that it had something to do with Deeks so she waited by his office until he returned some time later. "That was about Mr. Deeks wasn't it?"

"I'm afraid it was." The doctor replied tiredly.

"What happened to him Dr. Martin?"

"He had a seizure, and his blood pressure dropped dangerously low. He also has a fever from the infection: his body temperature is 104. We would have lost him if the nurses were two minutes late. We are trying to cool him down but the worst thing is he can't breathe by himself right now so we had to intubate him and have a machine breathe for him. It should only be temporary, just until he gets his strength back. Right now he is in a critical state, we just hope it will pass with no effects on his organs."

"Thank you for telling me Dr. Martin, but what you said about what happened to Mr. Deeks stays between us: don't tell the others." Hetty instructed the doctor who nodded and returned to his office.

Hetty didn't want to tell the others about what had happened to Mr. Deeks because she felt they had enough problems right now. She wouldn't have to tell them if Mr. Deeks got better quickly, she would keep it to herself. But. If Mr. Deeks did not have any progress and it looked like they might lose him, she would have to tell the team. She did not like the last option whatsoever given that it was assuming the worst would happen.

The morning of the following day was exactly like the day before, with Dr. Brick checking up on Sam and the team gathered in the waiting area.

Callen noticed something was wrong with Hetty: she kept pacing back and forth across the room. He approached her and requested to talk to her for a minute. She nodded and motion for him to follow her out. Kensi saw them from the corner where she was standing and wanted to follow but was stopped by Nell.

Outside the hospital…

"Is there something you want to tell me Hetty?" Callen asked, looking directly into her eyes.

"No, there is nothing I want to tell you Mr. Callen. Why do you ask?"

"Because I know that look in your eyes, it means there's something wrong. Did something happen last night while were we asleep?" He demanded.

"No there is nothing wrong. If anything comes up you will be the first to know." She said calmly, and with that she turned back and headed to the hospital with Callen trailing behind.

When they came in Kensi walked towards Callen and asked him what was wrong.

"I don't know but Hetty knows something."

"What do you mean, what does she know?" Kensi tried to know more but before Callen could answer they were interrupted by Dr. Brick who began a conversation with Hetty.

"Well it's good news. His heart is back to normal and there will be no permanent effects. We will take him to a brain scan and see what that comes up with next." With no further information the doctor left to set Sam up for the scan. Five minutes later Sam was on a wheel chair on his way.

After ten minutes Hetty's phone started ringing. She answered, "Hetty."

"Hello Hetty it's Granger."

"What's wrong Owen?" She asked, knowing something had happened.

"After the interrogation with Sidorov we were moving him to state prison until his court trial… but there was an accident. A car hit our the car of the agent's who were moving him and another two cars stopped in the middle of the street with four gun men who began shooting. We heard the shots through the coms and tried to send backup but when backup arrived there were two agents shot in the head and two L.A.P.D officers who had been following them in a car also shot in the head. Now Sidorov is on the loose."

"I will send Mr. Callen, Mr. Beale, and Ms. Jones to you right now." With that she hung up and turned to face the team.

"What's up Hetty?" Callen asked, confusion in his eyes.

"When Sidorov was being moved to state prison three cars attacked our agents and police officers who were moving him. They broke him free and now we don't know where he is. I need the three of you to go back to Ops to find out anything you can." She informed, pointing to Callen, Eric and Nell.

"I'll go with them." Kensi offered.

"No Ms. Blye, you and Mrs. Hanna will stay here for the protection of Mr. Deeks and Mr. Hanna."

"You think he will try to attack them again?" Kensi asked, worried.

"I don't know, but knowing what both of them have done to him we cannot risk that happening."

Kensi wanted to protest because, knowing what Sidorov had done to her partner, she wanted to hunt him down herself and make sure that he was no longer in the land of the living. But, she understood what Hetty was thinking: her partner needed protection. She hadn't been there for him when Sidorov was torturing him, and she wasn't going to make that same mistake again. She would stay and protect him.

The others headed out in Callen's car, back to Ops so they could figure out what had happened to their coworkers and make him safe.


	7. Chapter 7

After Callen, Eric and Nell arrived at the Mission they rushed to Ops and started to look at video recordings from traffic cameras of the accident. When Eric played the video on the big screen they saw how the attackers' three cars got the jump on the agents and police officers.

"Eric, try to find out where these cars came from and where they went. I'll go to the crime scene and see what I can find there." Callen instructed Eric before walking out of the building and getting into his car.

Eric began typing on his keyboard in an attempt to find the attackers' cars.

Callen arrived at the crime scene but didn't find anything of use. He took a few pictures of the scene and headed back to the Mission and went directly to Eric asking him, "Did you find anything Eric?"

"Nothing yet, I tailed the cars to find out where they went and it turned out they headed to the same place they came from."

"And where is that?" Callen demanded.

"Well that's the problem, they knew what they were doing because they went to an area that doesn't have any kind of surveillance cameras."

"What does that mean?" Callen asked angrily.

"It means that we don't know where they are and they probably switched the cars in that area." Nell interrupted them.

Callen pulled out his phone and informed Hetty of what had happened. He then ordered Eric and Nell to keep digging through the videos to try and find anything before heading back to the hospital himself.

When Callen arrived at the hospital it was already night. He met Kensi and Hetty.

"What happened?" Kensi asked.

"Nothing happened. I went to the crime scene but didn't find anything and Eric and Nell are still trying to track the attackers' cars… but they won't find anything because they ran to an area with no cameras and most likely changed cars there."

"So what are we going to do now?" Kensi asked again.

"I don't know." Callen replied and both of them turned to look at Hetty for an answer.

"We will do nothing. In the meantime we should keep Mr. Hanna and Mr. Deeks safe, although I believe that he wanted to do something to them he would already have tried. I don't think he will show up now." Hetty told them, and then headed to Sam's room to check on him and see how his brain exam had gone; Callen and Kensi followed.

When they walked into Sam's room Hetty asked, "What did the doctor say?"

"Well there is no brain damage and if his veins heal soon he will be discharged next week." Michelle said with a smile as a few tears of joy rolled down her face: her husband was going to be okay.

"That's good news, but Mr. Hanna you will have to talk to Mr. Getz for some time after you get out of here. I insist." Hetty said before turning around to leave the room. Sam tried to protest but realized he couldn't.

Before Hetty walked out of the room she ordered everyone to go to sleep. They all nodded,, Kensi and Callen headed to their room and Michelle settled down in the extra bed in Sam's room.

The next morning Hetty, Callen, and Kensi were waiting for Dr. Martin because it was the day Deeks was supposed to wake up, at least that's what they had in mind… Hetty wasn't so sure after what had happened last night; she was preparing herself to explain what had happened if the doctor came in and said that Deeks would not be waking up that day.

It was eleven in the morning when Eric and Nell walked in with coffee and a box of donuts. They handed the coffee to Callen, receiving a thank you, and then Kensi snatched the donut box out of Eric's hands and hugged him.

After three hours Dr. Martin walked into the waiting area and went directly towards Hetty and the others.

"Hello Ms. Lange." The doctor saluted.

"Good morning Dr. Martin."

"Mr. Deeks is being transferred to a room as we speak. We took him off of morphine and while he is in some pain we have given him something else to help him deal with it. It is now all up to Mr. Deeks as to when he will wake up." The doctor informed his audience and watched as relief spread over all of their faces.

"May I talk to you in private Dr. Martin?" Hetty inquired. The doctor nodded and they headed away from the team. "Well Dr. Martin, what about his breathing problems and the tubes he has in his mouth?"

"Well when we checked him this morning the infection had healed completely but I waited until now just to be sure that he was able to breathe by himself without the tubes. For now he will be fine. We hope nothing will go wrong from now on." The doctor informed her. She nodded and then they returned to the others.

"I have to go but when Mr. Deeks is settled in his room a nurse will come take you to him." The doctor said then left.

Callen was about to ask Hetty about what had happened between her and the doctor only to be interrupted by a nurse's voice asking, "Family of Mr. Deeks?" They all gathered around her.

"We are the family of Mr. Deeks." Hetty told the nurse.

"He is settled in room 324 now, you can go and see him. He's still sleeping but we think he will wake up soon."

They all headed to the room number 324 to see Deeks. When they arrived they found another nurse settling the bed, making it more comfortable for Deeks. She excused herself and walked out of the room.

Kensi almost cried at the scene in front of her: how calm his body was, how silent and sad he looked. He was different from the person she knew, the one who, if he laughed, lit up the room. The joking smile which never leaves his face was gone: there was nothing of the old Deeks in this body.

Nell almost threw up from seeing the torture signs all over his body. She hugged Eric and closed her eyes, letting a few tears slip out. Eric merely stood there in shock… but when Nell hugged him he put his arm around her shoulder, his hand pacing up and down her back, trying to calm her down.

Although Callen had seen him in the warehouse, now was different. With all the bandages and stitches on his face and chest, Callen realized he was much worse than Sam and started to wonder if Deeks would ever recover from this.

They waited half an hour for him to wake up, and, when he hadn't made any signs of doing so, they all walked out of his room except for Kensi who sat in a chair next to Deeks' bed looking at his face and checking every mark there.

After twenty minutes Deeks began to wake up: his body turning in bed, his eyes moving under his lids. She can tell that he is trying to wake up, trying to open his eyes, but he can't: his movements show that he is afraid of something. Kensi knew immediately that his mind was back at the warehouse with Sidorov.

"Deeks, wake up. It's okay, it's me, Kensi. You are safe, please you have to wake up now." Kensi whispered to him, and as he heard her voice his body started to calm down.

"Kensi." He mumbled, his eyes still closed.

"Yeah it's me, you have to wake up partner." Kensi begged him. He slowly opened his eyes, blinking rapidly as they adjusted to the light in the room. "Hey there buddy." She continued, a huge smile on her face. "How do you feel?"

He winced in pain and said, "Perhaps you should call a nurse. The pain is killing me."

Kensi rushed out of the room to the nurses' station and called for one before returning to Deeks room. Callen saw her running and rushed after her and burst into the room. "Kensi what's wrong?"

She looked at him. "He woke up but he is in a lot of pain so I called the nurse."

Callen felt relieved. He had thought something had happened to Deeks. He turned to the Detective. "Hey there, how do you feel?"

"From what I can see I feel pretty good, thanks for asking." Deeks said joking, trying to lighten up the atmosphere. He tried to smile but winced in pain instead.

"Easy there man, you're still not healed yet." Callen warned him.

"Speaking of which, what exactly is wrong with me? 'Cause I feel like everything over the waist is being stabbed by knives." He said, joking again, but both Callen and Kensi gave him a death glare that made the smirk on his face fade away and his eyes drop away from their gazes, embarrassed by what he had done.


	8. Chapter 8

**I finished this chapter with a help of my friend who read it and checked it for me so it should be better than the other chapters thanks you Padria for your help . **

…**.**

"Really? Can't you be serious just for once?" Callen demanded, upset at Deeks, making the detective embarrassed by what he had done. Kensi noticed the change on Deeks face so she started to tell Deeks his status.

"You have a broken nose and a cut on it, a cracked cheekbone, a cut over the eye, and five of your teeth were drilled to the gum." She saw how his face turned white like a sheet of paper the moment she mentioned the drill and teeth; she wanted to say something comforting but didn't know what to say so she just continued. "There are cuts all over your mouth, on your chest there were four cuts that took forty seven stitches, and you have two broken ribs and another three cracked." Kensi finished and took a very deep breath. Then she and Callen looked at him, waiting for a response. There was an uncomfortable silence for a couple of minutes before Deeks opened his mouth and said:

"Wow, sounds pretty bad, so that's why I feel like I rose from the dead." He tried to lighten the mood.

Callen sighed in anger and walked out of the room, Kensi shook her head, annoyed. "Why do you always have to be joking? Can't you for once be an adult and stop this baby behavior?" She was upset because she knew what he was doing: he was trying to deal with everything that had happened to him by pushing it down and hiding it in a box in the back of his head and replacing it with the joking character that he always was. That's when it hit Kensi and she started to wonder if this joking self is his real character or if it's what he lets everybody see, and if it was a cover to something bad that's deep inside of him that he doesn't want anyone to see or know about. She knew that his life wasn't the ideal one, but she'd never given a thought about it, that he might have lived a very bad life. She had a feeling that there was something wrong with him that he didn't want to share with the others.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you want me to do. This is me, this is my character, this is how I have lived since I was a kid and that won't change. I'm fine, I don't think that what the Russian bastards did to me will change anything about my character," he lied. He was telling her without making any eye contact with her because he knew if she looked deep into his eyes she would know that he was lying; he didn't want her to worry about him.

"You are fine, are you kidding me? How could you be fine? You have been tortured and put through hell by Sidorov and his men, you are far away from being fine!" Kensi exclaimed. She didn't notice that she was yelling at him until she saw Deeks expressionless face, then she realized what she had done. "Sorry," she managed to say, before rushing out of his room with tears in her eyes.

"Kensi….. Kensi." Deeks called after her… but she didn't respond to him and instead kept running.

When Callen saw her leaving he entered Deeks room and asked, "What happened?"

Deeks took a deep breath and said, "I told her I was fine and she started to act like she was my mother yelling at me that I'm not fine and then she rushed out of the room " .

"But you know you're not fine Deeks." Callen told him.

"I know but I didn't want her to worry about me." Deeks replied.

"You didn't want her to worry about you so you make her go running out of here crying and upset? Because that's better than being worried right?" Callen tried to show him what he had done.

That's when Hetty walked in. She gave Callen a nod so he picked himself up and walked out of the room.

"Hello Mr. Deeks, how are you today?" Hetty asked him.

"Hello Hetty, well, I feel like I had an accident with a train." Deeks said smiling, but the smile faded away as soon as it spread across his face when he got a death glare from her.

"Well I came here just to tell you this: I have called Mr. Getz in so when you are discharged from here he will have some sessions with you and Mr. Hanna and both of you will do what he says with no arguments. And before you open your mouth my decision is final. Are we clear Mr. Deeks?" It was an order not a question. He considered saying something but changed his mind because he knew that no one can win any arguments against Hetty, so he just nodded. With that Hetty left his room and then the whole hospital: now that she had made sure her team was going to be fine, she had to get back to the Mission to make some phone calls to try tracking down Sidorov.

Callen was looking for Kensi. He found her in the underground parking of the hospital.

"Callen, please leave me alone." She whispered after realizing he was there.

Callen noticed from her voice that she was crying. "You know he said that because he doesn't want you to worry about him." It was more of a statement than a question.

"I know, he's trying to show that he's strong not weak, but deep inside he is suffering and in pain and he's hurt and he's acting like he doesn't need help! And if he keeps it like that, trying to deal with all of that by himself, he will lose everything… we will lose him and we will never be able to bring him back." Kensi had tears in her eyes. She was worried about him, he was he partner and even if he didn't want her to worry about him, she would.

"I know that, that's why we should stay with him and never leave him whether he wants that or not. We can't let him push us away, okay?" Callen told Kensi, but deep inside he knew he was talking to himself too. Kensi nodded and Callen gave her his hand to help her stand. "Come on, let's go to him. I guess now he is dealing with Hetty, she wants him to talk to Nate and she will force him to talk to Nate like she forced Sam to before. I think this is a step forward, he will need us to be there for him every step of the way though."

Kensi agreed with him and both of them went back to the hospital. When they arrived Callen told Kensi that he was going to stop by and see Sam first, then he would catch up with her in Deeks' room.

Callen entered Sam's room with a smile on his face. "Hey Sam, how are you feeling today?" He asked.

"I'm good. Is Deeks up yet?" Sam queried in response.

Callen smiled because Deeks was indeed awake and he knew Sam would be happy to hear that. "Yeah, he woke up almost an hour ago."

"Why didn't you tell me? You know that I want to talk to him!" Sam exclaimed, upset at Callen because he hadn't told him that Deeks woke up sooner.

"Easy there, you know after what happened to both of you that Kensi was going crazy. She had to be the first one to see him awake. They needed time for their 'thing' to have their moment and to check on each other." Callen said with a smile and gave his partner a wink. This made Sam smile, and even if it was small one, it was the first smile that he'd had since he woke up.

"I will visit him later and tell him that you want to check on him and have a little talk." Said Callen.

"No, you will go to see him now." Sam ordered.

"Okay don't be like this; I will go see him now." Callen mocked him.

Before Kensi walked into Deeks' room she wiped all trace of the tears off of her face and then she went in. When he noticed her he opened his mouth and said, "Oh Kensi, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, I just didn't want you to worry about me. I'll be fine… eventually."

"I am worried. I'm your partner, why on earth wouldn't I be worried?" Kensi retorted, upset at him.

"I said I am sorry, what else do you want me to do? I mean, what else do you want me to say, because I can't do anything right now."

"Why do you always do that?" She demanded, frustrated by his behavior.

"Do what?" He asked.

"Turn every serious conversation into a joking one? You are in pain physically and mentally, why can't you deal with that? Why are you running from it?" She sounded very annoyed at him which upset Deeks because everyone wanted him to be serious to deal with everything right away and he was offended by that.

"Because it hurts too much Kensi! The physical pain is killing me and don't even mention the emotional state! Everything hurts and when I remember what that bastard did to me in there, how he beat me, how he tortured me, every time I close my eyes I see myself back there in the warehouse tied to the chair and he is beating me, drilling my teeth and stabbing me! And to be honest, at some point I thought I should just give up and give him everything he wanted! But I couldn't do that to you, to the team, so I just wished that I would die soon to get out of that misery and that hurts so much! I just can't take it anymore… everyone keeps telling me to man up and deal with it, I can't do all of that at once, it's hard! I am working on healing physically, and after that I will deal with the mental problems; if I need help I will look for it because I'm afraid if I deal with everything at the same time that I will lose it and never be able to be the old me. That's why I keep acting like that because it keeps me connected to the old me; do you know, now, how I feel Kens?" He was yelling at first but it turned to a low voice that sounded broken. The tears started to gather in the corner of his eyes and he turned his head away from her, breaking eye contact.

Kensi put her hand over her mouth. Her heart broke at what she heard and how Deeks felt and how everybody was pushing him without even asking him how he truly felt. She wasn't sure what she should say to him, what could she say to ease this for him? In this moment he was fragile; anything wrong would break him more. It was heart breaking to hear him say all of these things, for him to open up and talk about his problems when no one had noticed. She was about to say something when Callen walked in the room and broke the tension in the atmosphere.

"What's up?" He said smiling, but when he noticed the faces they had, the smile faded away and was replaced with a worried look. Something wrong had just happened here.


	9. Chapter 9

"What's wrong? Did something happen?" Callen asked, confused.

"Nope, nothing happened." Deeks answered, failing to make eye contact with either Callen or Kensi. Kensi knew that Deeks was trying to change the subject, she thought of telling Callen about what had happened but she knew that would probably not be good for Deeks. She knew it had been hard for Deeks to say all that he had, so she decided to leave it be.

"Okay, I have something I want to ask you to do." Callen continued.

Deeks took a quick look at Kensi before giving his attention to Callen. "What do you want?" His tone was cold, without any emotion.

"Well, I was in Sam's room before I came here and I told him that you were awake. He's desperate to talk to you so I told him I would come and see if you were up to a visit. What d—."

Before Callen could complete what he was saying he was interrupted by Deeks. "No! No….. no. I don't want to see him. I don't want to talk to him, not now. I'm dealing with too many things right now; I can't deal with him too!" Deeks was shaking and his face had darkened. Panic was clearly conveyed in his body language and he started to move uncomfortably on the bed. At the mention of Sam's name he had remembered what the ex-SEAL had said to him: that he didn't trust the detective and that he thought Deeks had a weak personality. In an effort to block it all out he turned his head away from both Kensi and Callen.

The two agents shared a confused look. What with Deeks behavior, what he had said and how he had reacted to the thought of Sam visiting him, they knew that something had happened between the two. When they'd visited Sam after he had first awakened some flags had gone up at how he had acted, but they hadn't thought it was a big deal. Now, after this, they felt that they had been wrong and that it was indeed a very big deal and they wanted to know what had happened.

Callen wanted to know now. "Okay, what the hell happened between the two of you? Sam refuses to talk to anyone before he talks to you and just now you freaked out when we told you that he wants to see you. What the hell is wrong?" Callen was annoyed by the behavior of the two. He wanted to know what happened to change both of them and bend them so out of shape.

"Nothing happened between us, I just don't want to see him. I don't want to talk to him right now so just leave it there." Deeks pleaded, his voice louder than he wanted it to be.

Kensi was shocked at what was happening in front of her. The tension in the room was skyrocketing.

"So what do I tell him now?" Callen demanded.

"I don't know, tell him anything! Tell him that I don't want to see him! I don't care what you say to him, I just don't want to see him." Deeks blood pressure began spiking and his heart beat started speeding up dangerously.

Kensi rushed towards him saying, "Okay, no one is going to visit you if you don't want them to. Just calm down, everything will go how you want it to." Then she glared at the other agent. "Leave it there Callen." It was a death glare which Callen had no choice but to raise his hands in surrender to and walk out of the room.

That is when a nurse rushed to Deeks' room and asked what had happened. Kensi told her that there was some tension between Deeks and Callen.

"Well that's all wrong, he just woke up after seventy-two hours of unconsciousness! He needs to rest ad much as he can." The nurse told Kensi before injecting something into Deeks' IV. It only took a few moments before Deeks was out: asleep.

"I'm sorry, it wasn't supposed to go like that. We were talking to him and one moment later he was yelling and uncomfortable." Kensi explained to the nurse.

"Well, you know that his life is still on the line. It was a miracle that he survived these last few days in the isolated room—no one was expecting him to get out of it alive—and after what happened to him last night it really is incredible that he still alive. But, he is still at a critical point, we haven't worked on his teeth or ribs yet. He has a long road to recovery ahead and if he doesn't get the rest he needs he will not be able to heal. So, if you can't be here to comfort him, just leave so he can have the rest he needs. I've sedated him and his heart rate is back to normal now so I need to check the stitches on his chest: I hope he didn't rip them open." The nurse scolded, upset at what had happened to her patient.

"I'm his partner, what makes you think that I would do something to hurt him? Wait a minute, you said after what happened to him last night. What did you mean by that? What happened to him last night?" Kensi was offended by the nurse, at how she could question her like that, but then her brain caught up with her and worry about what was wrong with her partner flooded her.

"I don't have to answer any of your questions, but if you are his partner and truly care for him you wouldn't have let that upsetting conversation to happen. Now, if you will excuse me I have to check on his stitches. You can wait outside." The nurse's response was firm and she made it quite clear that she did not like the female agent.

Kensi refused to step out and insisted on staying beside her partner.

"You aren't going to like it." The nurse warned her. Kensi didn't move.

But when the nurse started to remove the bandages from Deeks' chest and the cuts began to appear, Kensi was shocked and let out a small squeal before rushing into the bathroom and throwing up. When she had finished and cleaned herself up, the tears started to gather in her eyes. The image of the horrible cuts on her partner's chest was burned in her mind and all she could think about was the fact that they would never fully heal, leaving terrible scars that would remind him every day of the torture he had endured at the hands of that bastard Sidorov.

In the meantime, Callen was with Sam and Michelle.

Well… Sam I… I don't know how to… to tell you this but… you can't visit Deeks now." Callen was stumbling over his words.

"Why, did something happen to him?" Sam asked, worried.

Callen didn't know how to tell Sam that Deeks didn't want to see him, and then it hits him. He knew Deeks would need dental surgery, and although it wasn't scheduled for today, he could lie about it to make Sam calm down and forget the visit idea for awhile. "No, it's just Deeks is going to have dental surgery and they want to set him up for it. You will have to go another time to talk to him."

"Okay, but the next time he wakes up you will come and tell me right away." Sam was serious. His eyes didn't blink and there was no emotion on his face.

Although it concerned Callen because he didn't have a clue why his teammate was acting this way, he was relieved that Sam had let go of visiting for now.

He walked out of the room and back to the waiting area where he saw Kensi come out of the bathroom.

"Hey, Kensi!" Callen called.

When she saw the other agent she walked towards him obviously upset. "What the hell was that Callen? You know he just woke up from hell! Couldn't you've postponed that for later? He almost opened his cuts! If it wasn't for the nurse who came in and sedated him, he would have!" She was extremely angry at what had happened: how her team leader hadn't (and doesn't) respect her partner and had pushed him to the limits. She was also angry at herself because she had been there and hadn't prevented it from happening. She had started to think that the nurse was right.

"I'm sorry Kens, but with everything happening here and how both of them are acting weird it made me concerned about what happened to them! Sam doesn't want to talk, so I thought maybe Deeks would. Unfortunately it turned out he was more stubborn. This is driving me crazy!" Callen tried to explain himself.

"I understand that but you should have waited for more time to have passed. They both have a lot to deal with, they were put through hell and then spat back out, so we need to give them the time they need to heal." Kensi really tried to hit it home for Callen because she never wanted to see her partner so distressed again.

"I know and I'm sorry, this has just been driving me crazy." Callen apologized.

"About that, where is Hetty?" Kensi asked him, as there had been no sign of her in the hospital.

"Well she had to go back to the mission to try and track Sidorov down. Why are you asking?" Callen inquired, confused.

"It's just… do you know what happened to Deeks last night?" Kensi was afraid to know the answer but she had to ask.

"What do you mean? What happened to Deeks last night?" Callen asked, even more confused and just a little bit scared.

"I don't know, when the nurse was scolding me about what had happened she mentioned something had happened to him last night but she didn't tell me what. She said she doesn't have to tell me. So I guessed Hetty would know about it and I wanted to ask her."

After two hours of Kensi sitting on the chair next to Deeks' bed, her phone vibrated.

She pulled out her phone and checked the number. Unknown. The screen read. "Hello?" She answered, not willing to divulge her name to a stranger.

"Hello, is this Kensi Blye?" The man on the other end queried.

"Who is this?" She didn't recognize the voice.

"I'm doctor James Reid, I work at Casa Palmera Treatment Facility in Del Mar." The man introduced himself.

"Okay Dr. Reid, what can I do for you?"

"Well, it would be best to discuss this face to face, could you come to my office to talk?"

"When do you want me to come?"

"Tomorrow morning would be great. I'll send the address to your phone."

"I will see you tomorrow Dr." With that Kensi hung up and moments later received a text with the address. She was concerned and curious about what the doctor wanted, but her thoughts were dragged away from that line of thinking and instead she rose to bend over the bed because Deeks had started to moan, obviously beginning to wake up .


	10. Chapter 10

When Deeks awoke he blinked his eyes quickly to help them adjust to the light in the room. Once they had he saw Kensi and a smile spread across his face.

Kensi smiled in return. "What?"

"Nothing, I'm just happy to see you."

Kensi blushed and stammered. "Okay… ahhhhhm… I'm… sorry for what happened earlier, it just… I don't…."

Deeks interrupted her. "It's okay Fern, don't worry about it. I know Callen just wanted to know what happened, but I don't think I can talk about that now… I just need some time, that's all."

"I know that, and we all respect your choice and no one will make you do anything you don't want to." Kensi promised, trying to keep the stress level down and prevent what had happened earlier from happening again.

"Thank you. I appreciate that." He was grateful to her.

"Don't mention it. It's my job. I'm your partner Shaggy Boy." She teased with a smirk on her face, attempting to lighten the mood.

"Oh… are you making fun of me? Hunh Baby Girl?" Deeks shot back.

"First of all I was just telling the truth and secondly you are the one who makes fun of me with the stupid nicknames you have for me." Kensi almost punched him to hit her point home, then remembered his situation and restrained herself.

"Oh but you love the nicknames that I give you Princess." He mocked.

Kensi shook her head, trying to prevent herself from laughing, but failed when her mouth started to widen and her laugh lit the room. "I never said that I love them Shaggy!"

When he tried to laugh with her a shock of pain ran through his mouth and ribs making him wince with pain instead.

"Are you okay?" She asked worriedly.

"I'm okay, I still need more time I guess." He replied after a few seconds. When the pain had died down he asked how the rest of the team was doing.

Kensi instantly recognized that he was trying to change the subject but she didn't want to push him so she decided to go with it. "Everybody is fine: Eric and Nell are in Ops working and Callen, well you know how Callen is, and Michelle is sitting with Sam all day; the doctors said he might be discharged in a few days."

"And Hetty?"

"I don't know. She was here all the time when both you and Sam were critical, but after you were fine she got back to the Mission to finish some work and make some phone calls."

"And you?" He asked, staring deep into her mismatched eyes and she stared back into his blue ones.

"I'm fine." She managed to say after an awkward silence.

He gave her a sad smile because he knew that she was not fine. "Please don't lie to me Kens." He pleaded in a tone so broken it hurt Kensi's heart.

"I'm sorry, it's just that I don't know how I am. There are too many things that happened and you… I almost lost you in that warehouse and another time in the ambulance and twice in surgery and God knows what happened to you last night and I was dying, waiting for any news about you! I don't want to lose you Deeks, you are my partner and I don't think I could handle it if I lost you." She cried, barely containing the tears that were threatening to roll down her face.

"You will never lose me Kens, I will always be there for you as your partner… but I want to be more than a partner, I want to be with you Kensi." He stated, reaching for her hand to take it in his, but she pulled it back.

"Please Deeks, you know we can't do this. It won't be good! It will ruin our partnership and if we cross that line there will be no going back. I won't be able to think straight and you won't be able to think straight and eventually it will just' destroy our partnership, and if we don't have that and we didn't get along it would just be miserable for you and me… so please don't do that to us." She didn't make any eye contact with him which made Deeks nervous.

"What do you mean Kensi? You were the one that told me to say what I mean and now, after I kissed you, you tell me that you don't want me to be with you? That you just want me to be a partner, are you kidding Kensi?" He exclaimed angrily.

"Please Deeks, don't do that. That was before everything happened and now I don't think I can do that. You have to leave it there… Please Deeks, don't make it any harder." Kensi pleaded, begging for it to stop right there.

"Okay, if that is what you want then that is what you will get Kensi." He said in a cold tone, dead serious, then turned his head away.

"Deeks." Kensi called to him, but she was interrupted by him telling her, in the most broken, hurt voice she had ever heard from her partner of over three years, "If you don't mind I just want to sleep and get some rest."

Although he had awakened only half an hour ago, Kensi got the hint that he wanted to be alone. "As you wish." She complied and left the room.

When she was out in the hall tears began rolling down her face. It didn't matter how quickly she wiped them away, they kept coming, more and more.

In the room tears were also being shed: Deeks was heartbroken. Kensi had just told him she didn't want to be with him and all he could do was stare at the ceiling as two tears made their way down his face.

Kensi headed to her apartment and picked up some Thai food on the way. Once at home the tears started again. She thought a hot shower would help her relax so she entered the bathroom and, taking her clothes off, turned the water on and stood beneath its stream for nearly half an hour before getting out. She dried herself off , wrapped a towel around her, and walked to the kitchen. She heated the food in the microwave and walked to the living room where she ate. She tried to sleep afterwards but when she slipped into bed she couldn't: all she could think about was Deeks and how he had looked when she rejected him. How he turned from a smiling face to a sad, hurt, broken person because of her. She knew that she had feelings for him, but she couldn't risk if it there was any chance the she would lose him. Even if that meant they both got hurt. It would be hard to deal with at first, but with time they would get back to the way there were, kind of (she hopped). With these thoughts running around Kensi's head she stayed awake and couldn't get to sleep before four a.m.

Her alarm sounded off at seven-thirty, and, after silencing it, she heavily moved from the bed. She hadn't gotten much sleep so she walked to the bathroom and took a cold shower (hoping it would help wake her up), brushed her teeth, then went to the kitchen where she made coffee and ate a bowl of cereal.

She headed out to her car and had started the car when she thought of Deeks. Would he want to see her today after what happened yesterday? She was heading to the hospital anyway when she remembered that Dr. Reid wanted to meet her, then she turned around and headed towards his office.

Kensi started wondering what he wanted when she pulled into the Casa Palmera parking lot. She walked directly to his office and knocked on the door.

"Come in." The doctor called from his desk.

"Hello, Dr. Reid?" Kensi asked.

"Ms. Blye?" The doctor responded. Kensi nodded. "Please sit down." He continued.

When she sat she asked, "What did you want me for Dr.?" Not wanting to waste any time.

"Well, there was a patient that came here almost nine years ago… his name was Jack Roland."

When Kensi heard the name her heart dropped down between her feet. It had been so long since she'd heard it. "What… about… him?" She managed to ask, her voice barely audible.

"He came here and as I remember he gave me your name and asked me to contact you when he was fine and back to normal. He said that he wanted to do this because of you, he wants to be himself again so that he can be with you." Kensi was speechless and emotionless at the same time. She barely knew what to say or do. "How is he now?"

"Actually, he is fine and will be discharged in a couple of days. He was going to be discharged three months ago but he wanted to stay a little bit longer to be sure that he was fully healed and ready to leave." The doctor told her, but looking at her face he thought she might not be listening to him. "Ms. Blye? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. So what now?" Kensi asked, completely stressed out at everything that was happening.

"Well as I said he will be discharged in a couple of days, and since he stayed here for almost nine years he hasn't dealt with the world outside for a long time, he may need to spend some time with someone who will be able to help him until he can deal with the world by himself. Thus I called you, do you know anybody he could stay with?" Though he was asking, it was clear to her that he expected her to be the one Jack stayed with.

"You want me to take him with me?" She asked, afraid of the answer the doctor would give.

"Well it would be better if he stayed with someone he knows that will make him more comfortable out there and help him blend in." The doctor clarified for her.

Kensi was shocked at what was happening, but then a thought occurred to her. "Dr. Reid, how did you get my number?"

"When Jack told me about you I had a friend in the L.A.P.D. so I called him and when I told him about you he told me that you work with one of them, a Marty Deeks, and he gave me your number. If you don't want to do this I will understand."

"You said he will be discharged in two days so give me tonight to think about it." Kensi requested, confused and unsure what to do because she felt it would be her chance to prove to herself that she could help Jack get back in the world, but on the other hand he was the one who left her alone on Christmas day, and although he did it to get help, she could have been with him every step of the way.

When she headed out of the office the doctor walked with her and pointed out room number 512. "That's the room he stays in."

Kensi looked towards the room and asked the doctor if Jack was there now.

"No he's not. He must be in the gym."

"Could I see his room?"

The doctor nodded and opened the door for her. When she walked in she immediately recognized the smell. It was the smell of the same cologne that she bought him when he had returned from Iraq; a tear made its way down her face.

"I'll leave you alone. When you're finished you can close the door behind you." The doctor said, excusing himself.

Kensi walked through the room and froze at what she saw on the nightstand beside the bed: a picture of Jack and her (she remembered it because it was the night they became engaged), and a ring sitting next to the picture. That was when the door to the room opened.

"Kensi!" The man who entered exclaimed.

She almost cried when she heard the voice because it was Jack. But there was something different: his tone was warm and soft, it was like the old Jack. The Jack before he went off to war.

She turned around, tears rolling down her face and she didn't know what to say or what to do. She might have yelled him but when she heard his voice it was like it reached through to her soul, and after an awkward silence she managed to swallow the lump in her throat and say, "Jack!"


	11. Chapter 11

Jack didn't waste any time, he walked forward and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug. Kissing the top of her head and pulling back he asked her, "What are you doing here?"

"Dr. Reid called me, he said that you had told him to try and contact me when you got better… and that's what he did." Kensi replied.

"Oh God I missed you so much Kens." He murmured in a warm voice.

"Then why did you leave alone Jack?" She demanded, trying not to sound broken. She wanted to know why he had done that to her, why he had left her to live in pain and misery.

"You know why I did that Kens, I was in too much pain… I was losing myself piece by piece and I was hurting you. I couldn't take that any more, I had to do something or else I was going to drown you with me and drag you to the hell I was in. So after I left you I came here to get help… I needed to try to be myself again." He answered, the pain in his voice obvious.

"Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you be better. I could have been there with you every step of the way… you shouldn't have had to do that by yourself!" She yelled, upset.

"I'm sorry Kens, but I had to do this by myself. I didn't want you to see me weak." His tone of voice almost broke her heart.

"Do you know what this did to me? I haven't been able to trust another man! I couldn't get in any relationships for more than a month; it broke me! I built these walls all around me that no one could ever pass, and though you may not have meant to hurt me, you put me through hell by leaving!" Kensi was about to cry but closed her eyes to prevent the tears from finding their way down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry Kens, you have to believe me when I say that. I know you won't forgive me but I did all of this to be able to get back to you. I didn't think it would take this much time, but I did it all for you." He told her, apologizing for what he had done and asking for her forgiveness, knowing it would be hard (if not impossible) for that to happen but praying that someday it would.

Kensi didn't know what to say or do, so she did the only thing she could. "I'm sorry Jack, but I have to go now."

As she passed him, walking towards the door, he took hold of her wrist and turned her to face him. "Will I see you again?" Jack asked, hoping that she would give him a chance to make it up to her.

When she felt his touch on her wrist Kensi was lost in memories of how he used to hold her, how soft his touch was. It was the same touch he had now. "I… I… don't… know." Kensi stammered, pulling her hand away and rushing through the door, out of the facility and to her car. When she was in the safety of her vehicle she let the tears she had been holding back fall freely. They didn't seem to have an end as she started the car and headed back to her apartment. The whole trip had taken almost five hours. When she reached her apartment she curled upon the couch and sobbed. She thought that this might be her only chance to help him, and since she hadn't been able to in the past, her guilt was torturing her and making her feel like she hadn't done enough in the past. She felt like she needed to take this opportunity to take this guilt off of her chest, she needed closure so she could live in peace.

That was when she noticed her badge lying on the stand next to the door and it hit her: "Deeks!" She had forgotten all about her partner… she was supposed to be there for him! But again, she wondered if he would want to see her after what had happened between them last night. But she started the car anyway and headed to the hospital.

When she arrived she saw Callen, Eric and Nell talking outside of Sam's room. When they noticed her they turned to face her.

"Where have you been? It's already afternoon." Callen asked her. They hadn't seen her since last night and they all thought that she would be the first one there, to be with her partner.

"I had something to do. I came here right after… why? Did something happen?" She became worried that something had happened to Sam or Deeks, especially Deeks after the tension last night.

They all gave her a confused look but just shrugged. "Nothing happened, they just took Sam to have some tests. The doctor said if the test results are good and his veins are healing as they hope, he will be discharging Sam in two days. He will need a couple of weeks before getting back to work though." Callen replied.

"And what about Deeks? Have you seen him?" She asked them.

"Not yet, we were waiting for you. After what happened between him and me last night I wanted to make sure that wouldn't happen again if he sees me. I think he'll be more comfortable if you are there with us." Callen explained.

Kensi nodded, not knowing how to tell them that Deeks would probably be more upset with her than Callen. "Well, he has surgery scheduled tonight for his mouth so we should go and see him before they come to take him." Kensi said before walking to Deeks' room, but when she reached the door she stood there wondering if he would accept her visit or not. Finding no other choice she opened the door and entered. When Deeks saw her she noticed his face was full of sadness and hurt, but when the others followed her he forced a smile on his face to hide the pain. Kensi knew his smile was fake, that he wore it so that no one could see what he really felt.

"Hey there buddy, how are you feeling today?" Eric asked while giving Deeks' hand a shake.

"I'm healing, that's what the doctors say and that's the important thing." Deeks said, glancing at Kensi.

"Hey Deeks, hang in there. We've missed you so much! We need you back as soon as you can." Nell told him, before bending down and giving him a kiss on his cheek.

"Let's hope for that. I'm tired of all this already: the bed and the air surrounding me in this hospital are suffocating me. I can't wait to get back to my apartment." Deeks replied in a cold voice that everyone noticed but no one mentioned.

"By the way, don't worry about Monty, I got to your apartment and took him with. He really misses you." Nell assured, trying to change the subject.

Deeks smiled at the mention of his dog, before Callen began speaking. "Look man, I know that it didn't end well last time, but can you give another thought about talking to Sam?" Instead of Deeks going off like last night Callen received a 'what the hell are you doing?' look from Kensi.

Deeks remained silent for awhile before he opened his mouth and said, "Please Callen, we talked about this. Just leave it there; when I'm ready I will talk to him… just please don't push it more." His tone of voice made it sound like he was begging.

After half an hour a nurse came in and told them that they had to leave so that Deeks could get some rest before the surgery. They all nodded and complied and started leaving the room. Kensi turned around and called, "Han on partner, okay?"

"I'll be fine." He said in a harsh tone, not making eye contact with her. She left the room.

They all headed to Sam's room and saw him with Michelle and the doctor.

"So what are the test results Doctor?" Callen inquired.

"Well it seems like the veins are healing, their progress is better than we expected, so I believe he can go home in two days."

They all smiled and congratulated Sam and gave him hugs and handshakes.

"So what about Deeks?" Sam asked, turning the tone of the situation serious.

Before any one could say anything about Deeks going to surgery Callen quickly answered, "He's still under the drugs and not awake from his surgery," which made Nell and Eric give him a confused look. They knew that Deeks was getting ready for surgery, not finished with it.

Sam nodded and after half and hour he started yawning and couldn't fight the sleep that was pulling at him. In a few minutes he succumbed and they all walked out quietly, not wanting to disturb him.

After they were outside of the room Kensi turned to face him. "What the hell was that? Deeks is just now going into surgery." Kensi exclaimed, wondering what Callen had just done.

"Well what was I supposed to do? Tell him that Deeks doesn't want to see him? I told him that he was in surgery. I thought maybe I could convince Deeks to change his mind and agree to see Sam and talk to him." Callen explained.

"I'm sorry, but you know you should tell him that Deeks doesn't want to see him sooner or later."

"Why doesn't Deeks want to see Sam?" Eric asked, confused.

"He's not ready to deal with him right now, he says." Kensi answered.

Eric was about to say something but was distracted by the nurses who were wheeling Deeks' bed to the OR. They all watched him until he disappeared behind the doors.


	12. Chapter 12

Kensi wanted to go see Deeks before his surgery, but she was afraid; after she had destroyed everything they had had through the years, the way she had hurt him, she feared it would affect their partnership forever. She glanced over at him from a distance and she could tell he was worried: his movements showed it. His hands were shaking and he was fidgeting. When he was wheeled out of sight she worried and thought about what he was going through, after everything that had happened.

After three hours of waiting for Deeks to get out of surgery Kensi's phone vibrated. She recognized the caller ID. "Hello Dr. Reid, what can I do for you?"

"I wanted to know if you had decided about Jack yet?"

Kensi felt like life was going way too fast. Everything was happening at once and not giving her a chance to think about these important decisions. "Can I call you in a couple of hours?"

"Okay, just please tell me your decision as soon as you can. I need to make other arrangements if you are unavailable."

After Deeks' surgery finished a doctor came out of the OR and walked directly towards them. "Hello everybody I'm Dr. Sarah Shane, I was the operator on Mr. Deeks' surgery."

"Hello Doctor, how did it go?" Kensi wanted to make sure that her partner was going to be okay.

"Well we managed to fix his teeth but he will be in pain for a couple of weeks until all of the cuts heal. He is sedated now. He will wake up after an hour or so if you want to see him, but he will not be able to talk for two days."

"Thanks Doctor." Callen conveyed their gratitude.

The doctor turned on her heals and walked away from them at the same time as they saw some nurses wheel Deeks to his room. Kensi excused herself and walked after her partner to make sure he was okay, but deep inside she knew that she wanted to see him before he awoke and got upset at her. She wanted to spend some time with him in peace because she knew the moment he awoke the tension would come back and they would end up fighting.

After the nurses settled him in the room Kensi sat in the chair next to his bed and, looking at him, started to whisper. "Why are you doing this to us Deeks? I know we have our thing but after all that's happened I don't know if I could risk anything that might destroy our partnership. I just don't want to lose what we have: we are the best partners ever and I don't want to mess with that. I wish you could understand." She sat there for fifteen minutes before walking out of the room.

The others visited him for a couple of minutes after that while he was sleeping. Everyone wished him the best before heading home.

When Kensi reached her home she grabbed her phone and made a call.

"Dr. Reid." The voice on the other end answered.

"Hi Doctor it's me, Kensi. I gave it some thought and I will do it: I will take Jack with me till he is able to depend on himself."

"Well that's excellent! He will be very happy and I am sure it will be more comfortable for him to be with someone he knows. He'll get back into the world faster that way." He was happy because he had known Jack for almost nine years and he had bonded with him.

"So when will he be discharged so I can prepare myself and my apartment for him?"

"He is supposed to be discharged tomorrow, but if you need more time to prepare yourself I can give you a couple of days more."

"That would be great. I will get my apartment clean and ready for him."

"Okay. I will tell Jack! He will be so grateful to you for taking care of him." The doctor hung up.

Kensi started wondering what she should do now and how she was going to deal with him. She started to pace around her apartment, cleaning a little bit, then remembered that if he was staying here, he was going to need his own room. She headed to the extra room. When she opened the door she was greeted by a room full of stuff she didn't eve know she had. But, the room had a bed and a closet so it would do. It was going to be a very long night of cleaning.

At the hospital…

Deeks started to wake up after the surgery. His eyes adjusted to the light in the room and when his vision cleared he looked around the room. He realized immediately that he was alone and that none of the team had stayed with him and that made him both relieved and hurt. Relieved because he wouldn't have to deal with anyone right now, and hurt because despite what had happened between him and Kensi he still missed her face, her smile, and her warm presence. She was a comfort in this hospital. He was pulled from his thoughts when the door cracked open. He hoped to see someone he knew, someone that would stay with him (Kensi in particular), but it was only the nurse. Sadness filled him.

"Hi Mr. Deeks." The nurse greeted cheerfully. "I see that you are awake now. I'm Nurse Amy and I just need to check on you." She looked at his monitors and wrote some notes on his chart before continuing. "You won't be able to talk for awhile but take these." She handed him a pen and notepad. "You can write anything you need. I'll leave you to your rest, but if you need anything you can press this button and I'll be here right away."

The nurse left, leaving Deeks to his thoughts and loneliness. He stared at the ceiling for nearly half an hour before drifting off to sleep.

The next morning Deeks awoke as two nurses came, chatting, into his room. He started at them confused. He knew Nurse Amy but not the other one.

When Amy noticed that he was awake she greeted him. "Hello Mr. Deeks, how are you feeling today?"

He almost opened his mouth but remembered just in time that he had had surgery and wouldn't be able to talk. Instead he just nodded. The other nurse left and Nurse Amy went to his bed side and asked him if he needed anything, handing him the notepad and pen in the process.

He wrote something on it then handed it back to her. It said: "I'm thirsty."

She grabbed a glass of water and raised the bed beneath his head so he was upright to drink. "Anything else?" She asked.

He shook his head. When she walked out Deeks looked at the monitors for a moment and when he looked back to the chair beside him he nearly jumped out of the bed and fell to the floor. He breathing sped up significantly: Hetty now occupied the chair.

When he had settled back onto the bed Hetty gave him a look that scared him more. "What happened to your Mr. Deeks?" She asked with a small smile on her face because she knew that it was she had startled him.

Deeks took the notepad and started to write. When he finished he gave it to her. "Holy **, how do you do that!? You almost gave me a heart attack here."

Her smile grew. "My apologies Mr. Deeks, it was not my intention to scar you, but you were the one who wasn't paying attention to the door." Hetty's demeanor grew more serious. "How are you doing Mr. Deeks?"

He wrote a quick note saying, "I'm fine."

Hetty knew that he was lying but she didn't want to push him. He still needed some time. She stayed with him for two hours, giving him some company, before excusing herself because she had some work to do and knew that any minute Kensi or Callen would come to be with him. What Hetty didn't know about was the tension between Deeks and Callen and worse, the tension between him and Kensi.

When Hetty arrived back at the Mission she headed to Ops. When the sliding door opened she entered and found Eric and Nell typing on their keyboards. She interrupted them. "Mr. Beale do we have anything on Sidorov?"

"We still have nothing, and I don't think we will get anything because he is injured and needs time to heal so he will keep to himself and stay under the radar for a while. I don't think he'll show in public anytime soon."

"Ms. Jones, Mr. Beal, you have done an excellent job throughout all of this. Now, both of you head back home to get some rest; you are exhausted and could use some sleep."

They wanted to protest but knew that Hetty was right so they walked to their cars and went to the apartments without complaint.

Meanwhile at Kensi's apartment she had finished cleaning the room and preparing if for Jack, all she needed to do now was go shopping to get some stuff she would need to be ready to host jack. She headed to the market to buy what she needed, and, having success, she returned home. She was very tired, between the shopping and the cleaning and everything else going on she decided to take a nap on the couch for an hour. When she awoke she grabbed her phone and called Dr. Reid to tell him that she was ready. After the phone call she took a shower and was about to get ready to go to the hospital when she noticed the clock: it was ten p.m. Instead she decided to call it off and wait to visit Deeks tomorrow and went to sleep early in order to be ready for the busy day she would have .


	13. Chapter 13

Kensi's plan to fall asleep early wasn't going the way she wanted: the moment she was in bed with no work to do her thoughts were free to wander to what she would do tomorrow, how she would go to Deeks at the hospital first for a few hours. She knew they would be an awkward couple of hours but she hoped that Deeks would understand her and that they could move on and continue their lives… but who was she kidding: they were never going to be the same again.

Then she started to think about her trip to bring Jack back to her apartment and how she would be able to deal with him after all these years. She was lost in these thoughts until 4 a.m. when sleep finally claimed her.

In the morning she awoke to some noise outside her house and when she glanced at the clock she cursed; she had slept over the alarm and was running late, it was already 11:30 a.m. She rushed to the bathroom, taking a quick shower and brushing her teeth, then walked out of her apartment to the car and, realizing she was really late, headed straight to the Casa Palmera facility to get Jack and be back before night.

When Kensi arrived she headed towards Dr Reid's office and found Jack there waiting for her. The doctor excused himself to give them some time to talk to each other.

"Hey Kensi, look at me. You don't have to do this; it's not your job. I can do it by myself if you don't want to do it. You should know that you don't have to."

"No, it's okay. I told the doctor I wanted to help you till you are able to deal with people and the world yourself." She told him in response.

"Okay… if that's what you want." He said in a soft voice, a small smile on his face.

"If that's all then maybe you should get your stuff so we can get back before it's dark."

Jack left as the doctor returned. Kensi turned to ask Dr. Reid, "Is there anything I should know about or that I will have to deal with?"

"No, there is nothing. Jack is fully healed, he is just going to need some time to deal with other people. I don't think it will take long for him to be able to do that by himself." The doctor clarified.

Jack returned, ready to go. They said their goodbyes, drove away and left.

In the meantime at the hospital…

Deeks was in bed ling alone. There was no one with him and he had conflicting feelings. He was sad that no one came to visit him except Hetty, and yet at the same time he was relieved because he didn't want to have any discussions with anyone at the moment. Although it hurt him that Kensi didn't visit him and he missed her, what had happened between them would create an awkward situation. The only people entering his room were the nurses checking on him every now and then.

In Sam's room Callen, Sam, and Michelle were having a lot of short conversations about past cases and old embarrassing situations they'd be in. It was a way to make Sam feel natural and open up to them and make him feel that he was not alone, that they were there for him every step of the way.

Back at Kensi's…

Kensi and Jack unloaded his belongings into her house. The ride there had been mostly silent except for occasional conversation about the changes in the city since he had been there. When they finished unpacking Kensi showed him the house and his room and left him to get some rest and settle into his room.

She ordered pizza for them to eat since she was too tired to do anything and basically because she can't cook. When Jack had put everything where he wanted it he walked out of his room and sat on the couch opposite her.

"I ordered some pizza for dinner." She informed him.

"That's great." His responded, unsure of what he should say in this situation so he just started to tap his fingers on the back of the couch.

"How about we watch some TV till the delivery gets here?" Kensi suggested after sensing that he was nervous, surreptitiously trying to ease the tension because she was very nervous herself.

"Okay." Was his only reply.

Kensi took the remote control and turned the TV on, starting to flip through channels until she found a comedy movie they could watch together.

When the doorbell rang Kensi stood up and got the pizza, put on the coffee table in front of the couch and headed to the kitchen. "Want a beer?" She called over her shoulder.

"I wouldn't mind one." He called back.

She grabbed two beers and returned to the living room. They ate while watching the movie and laughed so much through it that Jack started to feel more comfortable and the tension in Kensi started to clear. She was relieved that he had started to relax.

They had a little discussion about the movie before they called it a night. She told him to get to his room and get some sleep. She cleaned the dishes then headed to her room and slid into her bed.

In the morning Kensi woke up to noises in the kitchen. She stood up and opened the door to see Jack flipping through the cupboards until he found two mugs. "Hey, good morning." Kensi said when he noticed her.

"Good morning." He greeted her, pouring coffee into the mugs for both of them. He handed her one of the mugs.

"Thank you." She sipped the mug. After they finished their coffee she headed to her bedroom and changed into running clothes.

When she walked out of her room Jack was in the living room and when he saw her he asked, "Are you going anywhere?"

"I was going for a run." She answered.

"Do you need any company?"

"Sure why not." She managed to say. She didn't want him to feel uncomfortable if she said no.

"Give me give minutes and I'll be ready." He said before vanishing into his room. Promptly five minutes later he walked out wearing a cut T-shirt and jogging shorts that showed his well muscled arms and legs. She couldn't help but stare at his body: he was 6' of bronze skin, short black hair and deep black eyes and very handsome. Her gaze didn't go unnoticed by him, he smiled a little.

When Kensi saw this she found herself started to blush and turned her face away from him. "Let's go."

He followed her out and they ran for three miles before he surrendered saying that was enough for him. They sat on a bench for to catch their breath. They sat in silence for awhile before Jack broke it by saying, "Hey Kens…"

"Yeah?" She responded, turning her head to face him.

"I'm really, really sorry for hurting you and for all of the pain I caused you. It was the last thing I wanted to do to you." He said in a barely audible voice, she almost didn't hear him.

She didn't quite know what to say to him, she had been hurt very deeply by him. "You don't have to do this to yourself. What you did is in the past: it happened and there is nothing you can say or do that will change that. Let's leave it there for now." She stood up and walked away from him.

"If only you could know how much I love you Kens." He said in a whisper to himself before standing too and following behind her.

Kensi had not heard what he had said… she was about to turn around and face him to yell at him that she had been in love with him before he pushed her away, but the tears made their way down her face so she started to run instead, not wanting him to see her like this. Jack, thinking she was continuing her exercise, tried to keep up with her but couldn't.

When she reached her house she rushed to her room and grabbed a change of clothes and went to the bathroom to have a shower. When she finished and opened the door she heard him in the kitchen. He sounded like he was making breakfast for them. Indeed, he was making pancakes.

They ate their breakfast in silence and afterwards she thanked him and was about to clean the table when he stopped her. "Leave it, I'll clean it. You are late for work, you should go."

She thanked him again before walking out towards her car and heading to the Mission. She ran into killing traffic she when she entered the bullpen she was really late.

She was about to sit at her desk when Nell came running down the stairs and noticed her. "Hey Kensi! How are you?" She pulled the older woman into a tight hug.

"Well I've seen better days." She said, trying not to sound too worrying.

"What's wrong?" Nell asked, concerned.

"There's nothing wrong, I just hit killer traffic so I'm running late." Kensi tried to sound convincing… but who was she kidding, this was Nell, a second version of Hetty.

Nell raised her eyebrows. "Hey, I know how you are when you've hit traffic and this is different. There is definitely something else that's wrong so spit it out."

Kensi was frustrated by the analyst who could smell out anything that was different. She was so good at reading people, especially the ones she knows. Trapped in the corner being interrogated by Nell and, not knowing what else to do, she decided to tell the truth. "It's just that…" But Kensi was interrupted by a very scary voice.

"Ms. Blye, if you have a moment will you please come to my office?" Hetty requested from behind them both.

Kensi mouthed, 'I'll talk to you later' to Nell, before following Hetty to her office.

"Take a seat Ms. Blye." Hetty told her.

She did, sitting quite uncomfortably because she knew from the look in Hetty's eyes that whatever was coming wouldn't be good for her. "What can I do for you Hetty?" She asked.

"Well I wanted to know how you are doing Ms. Blye." Hetty inquired.

"I'm good Hetty, thanks for asking." Kensi replied, confused at Hetty's easy question.

"And how is Mr. Roland if I may ask?" .


	14. Chapter 14

"How is Mr. Roland?"

Hetty's words were like a bomb dropping on Kensi, how did she know that? What the hell? "How did you know about Jack?" Kensi asked, shocked by Hetty's ability to get information so quickly about her life, especially when she'd mentioned the whole thing to no one.

"Let's not go into the labyrinth of that right now, how is Mr. Roland?" Hetty repeated.

"Well… he's fine I guess, it's just been a day. It will take some time before we know how it will turn out." Kensi wasn't quite sure about what she was saying because she really didn't know how he was.

"Are you sure about what you are doing here Ms. Blye?" Hetty asked, concerned at what her agent was doing.

"What do you mean Hetty?" Kensi asked, confused by Hetty's question.

"What I mean is I don't want you to do something then regret it in the future, that's all." She explained.

"Please Hetty, don't do this to me. It's the only chance that I have to help him, to prove to him that he was wrong by leaving me… this is what I was looking for." Kensi pleaded with Hetty, begging her to understand and not be judgmental.

"I don't have to tell you what to do, it's your life Ms. Blye, but as I said I don't want you to do something you will regret." Hetty said, trying to make Kensi see the complicated situation she had put herself in.

"Don't worry about that Hetty, I can handle this." She tried to convince Hetty that she didn't need to worry about her.

"I hope so. I hope that you can do this. Now, what are you doing here Ms. Blye?"

She raised her eyebrows, confused. "Well we have a case to work on."

"After what happened with the accident we were unable to track Sidorov and we don't believe he will show up anytime soon, so I gave everybody two weeks off to rest and recover: you should use it wisely." Hetty instructed her agent.

"I should get going then, if you don't need me here." She said, standing and getting ready to head out of Hetty's office.

"Ms. Blye," Hetty called after her, "I recommend that you tell the others what is happening with you… you could use some help."

"I know, and I will tell them once Sam is discharged from the hospital." Kensi agreed before walking away and out of the Mission.

When she was in her car she didn't have a clear idea of where she wanted to go so she just drove through the Los Angeles streets until she noticed her favorite coffee shop. She parked and walked inside, ordering her usual, and sat on a table in the corner beside the window. It had a view of the beach and she saw a few people enjoying the sand and a couple of surfers walking away with their boards. She remembered her partner, the shaggy surfer, and how much he loved to surf and how much it made him happy and care free with no pressure on him; Deeks and the ocean were like soul mates, and, even if she wouldn't say it aloud, she enjoyed watching him surf.

After she finished her coffee she started her car and decided to go home to rest then prepare herself to go to the hospital.

When she entered her apartment Jack was sitting on the couch flipping through TV channels. When he saw her he asked, "Hey, you didn't go to work? Is there something wrong?" He was concerned because she had left only a few hours ago and returned so quickly.

"Nothing's wrong, it's just that Hetty gave us two weeks of vacation…."

She was interrupted by Jack. "Hetty, who is Hetty?" Confusion clear in his face.

"Oh, right, you don't know anything… maybe I should tell you about my work."

"I'm all ears." Jack said. Deep inside he was happy because he thought they were getting more comfortable with each other, more quickly than he had expected.

"Well, I'm an N.C.I.S agent and Hetty is our boss. We just got out of a horrible case that almost ended up with Deeks' death, he's my partner, but we managed to recover him before they killed him. When I arrived at work Hetty informed me that we have two weeks to rest and recover." Kensi explained, attempting to tell him what she had been through recently.

"Oh… I'm sorry to hear that Kens. How is your partner now?"

"Well he is going to live but he will have a long road to recover full of pain, but as I said, he is going to be fine."

They talked for a long time, catching up on each other's lives: Jack told her about the treatment and how it was hard for him after he left her, how he had had to do that alone and how he had managed to get along after some time. In exchange Kensi told him about how her life turned upside down after he left her before she had gathered herself up and joined N.C.I.S to become a federal agent. Then she told him about her teammates Callen, Sam, Nell, Eric and Hetty. She didn't mention Deeks because she didn't know what to say about him, what to say about their awkward partnership (their "thing"), and how much she wanted to be with him before all this mess had happened and changed her mind. It hurt her, not being with him, but she couldn't risk it if there would be a chance that she might lose him.

"And what about your partner, Deeks?" Jack asked, concerned after she had stopped talking about her teammates without mentioning Deeks.

Kensi snapped out of her thoughts as Jack asked about her partner. "Well, Deeks is like Shaggy in Scooby Doo: he has the same look and he is very funny and he is simple and complicated at the same time… he makes your life easier." She explained, deep inside knowing that no matter what she said no words would ever do justice to describing him right.

Jack noticed the light in Kensi's face and how she changed and relaxed when she talked about Deeks and how the smile never left her face while she was talking about him. In that moment Jack knew that there was something going on between her and her partner. That made him feel jealous but he knew that he didn't have the right, after what he had done to her, and he couldn't control her life.

When he looked at his watch it was 2 p.m. He was kind of relieved. "Hey, I'm starving, what about you?" He asked, trying to change the subject.

"Wow, me too. What do you want?" She inquired.

"Well I was going to suggest that I cook something for us but I checked you fridge and I couldn't find anything useful so either we order something or go and do some shopping." He said, hoping for the latter because he wanted to go outside and spend more time with her.

"I think we should order something to eat." She said, but, noticing the change in his face she knew that he had wanted to go out and spend more time out of the house so she added, "But after we eat we could go and do some shopping if you want."

"Sure, I'd love that!" A smile widened his face.

They ordered some Thai food and when it arrived Jack went to the kitchen, grabbed two beers, and returned. They ate their food and drank the beers then got ready to go shopping.

It took them two hours to get everything they needed. Kensi got bored so she snuck around to buy some Twinkies and chocolate bars and when she got back to Jack and saw he was finished she was happy that this terror had come to an end. After they paid and loaded everything into the car they headed home and unpacked everything into the kitchen. They made dinner and ate and after that they both were tired so they sat on the couch and put a movie in the DVD player. They watched while eating ice cream and laughing a lot.

When the movie ended Kensi was yawning so she called it a night, even though it was early.

The next morning she awoke again to the sound of Jack making coffee so she walked into the kitchen and took the coffee mug he offered her. They headed out for a run, just like the day before. It was obvious that it had an effect on Jack, he was smiling more freely, so she decided to spend the whole day out doors. She told him that they were going to the beach and he was very happy to spend some time where her not alone.

After they got to her house she took a shower and told Jack to take one. While he was in the bathroom Kensi took the chance to call Hetty.

"Ms. Blye." Hetty answered her phone.

"Hey Hetty, I'm sorry to call you now but I need you to do something for me."

"What can I do for you Ms. Blye?"

"Well, it's just that I know Sam will be discharged today but I don't know how I'm going to tell them about Jack, so I was wondering if you could help me with that."

"You want me to tell them about Mr. Roland?" Hetty wanted to confirm.

"If you don't want to do it I will understand, it's just going to be awkward for me to bring up the subject." Kensi explained, hoping Hetty would do it for her.

"Don't worry about that Ms. Blye, you can consider it done; I will talk to them when they are home."

"Thank you Hetty, I don't know what I would do without you." Kensi said, relieved that Hetty would talk to the others so she could avoid that awkward conversation.

"You don't have to thank me Ms. Blye, now take care of yourself and Mr. Roland." Hetty said before hanging up.

After Jack finished his shower they made breakfast, ate, and then prepared everything they would need for the beach. Ready, they drove to the beach. The son was hot and they spread a blanket on the sand and sat there watching the people on the beach, enjoying the heat from the sun.

At the hospital…

Before the doctor came with the paper to discharge Sam, the agent asked Callen, "Could I go and see Deeks before we get out of here?"

Callen didn't know what to tell his partner. He was tired of lying to him so he decided to just tell the truth. "Sam, there's something I need to tell you."

Sam's face grew confused before a touch a fear slid into it, he was worried something had happened to Deeks and the team was hiding it from him.

Callen continued. "Well… it's… I don't know how to say this… it's just that Deeks doesn't want to see you at this time." Callen stumbled, finally got it out, and was immediately afraid of his partner's reaction.

But Sam's reaction was a surprise for them all. He looked down in shame and said, "I won't blame him for that."

This brought an even more confused look to Callen's face. He was starting to go crazy trying to figure out what the hell had happened between the two and why both of them were acting weird. He had gotten a hint from Sam's behavior that Sam had done something to Deeks, but he wasn't going to punish him for that now.

At that moment the doctor entered with the papers for Sam's discharge. After they had signed them Michelle wheeled Sam to the hospital entrance while Callen got an SUV for them and then they headed to the Hanna house.


	15. Chapter 15

Hey everybody! Thanks to all of you who have reviewed and followed and favorite , I really appreciate that! Just a heads up that you all may not be thrilled with some aspects of this chapter, but please bear with me because it is essential for where this story is going.

At the beach…

Kensi was enjoying herself, soaking in the sun.

At midday Jack took off his shirt, removed his pants revealing his swim shorts underneath, and headed to the water.

Kensi breathed more heavily as she gazed at him, at his muscled arms and chest. Jack caught her gaze and smiled before he went to swim.

At the Hanna house…

In the evening there was a knock on Sam's door. Michelle opened it revealing Hetty.

"Hello Hetty, com on in." Michelle welcomed her.

Hetty stepped inside. "Thank you Mrs. Hanna."

"Sam and Callen are in the living room." Michelle informed her before leading her there.

"Hey Hetty." Callen greeted the Operations Manager. Sam was playing with his kids before Michelle told them to go to their rooms.

"Hello Mr. Callen, and how are you Mr. Hanna?" Hetty inquired as she sat on the couch next to her head agent.

"Actually I'm feeling great here, now that I'm not in that hospital." Sam replied, relieved to be out of that place.

"That's wonderful. I've called Mr. Getz and he said that he will be back on Friday so that's when you will start seeing him: this weekend." Hetty informed him, reassured that he was feeling better.

"Really Hetty, is that necessary? I'm fine, the doctor said that I need some time but then I'll be back to work. That means there is nothing wrong with me." Sam said, wanting to argue with her.

"I don't care what the doctor said, you will do what I say Mr. Hanna. Do we understand each other?" Her tone was firm, not giving him any space to argue.

"Is that all you came here to say Hetty?" Callen asked.

"Well there is something else I wanted to talk to you about: it concerns Ms. Blye." Hetty continued in a low voice.

"What's wrong with Kensi?" Sam asked, his brotherly protective instincts taking over.

"You know that Ms. Blye was engaged in the past. Her fiancée, who came back from his service in Iraq and left her because of PTSD, was named Jack Roland. He was in a facility for treatment and was discharged yesterday but needed some help to acclimate to the world again. Ms. Blye has taken it upon herself to provide him with that help."

"Are you kidding us Hetty? How could she do that after what he did to her?" Callen interrupted.

"I'm not joking Mr. Callen, I told her to tell you about it because she will need our help. We can't tell her what to do and not do with her own life."

"And how are we supposed to help her with that Hetty?" Callen demanded, annoyed at Kensi's behavior.

"By being there for her and supporting her every step of the way." Hetty stood up to leave. "I should go. Rest well Mr. Hanna and don't forget what we agreed. Take care everyone." Hetty said, heading towards the door and leaving a confused group behind, none of which had ever expected Kensi to do this sort of thing.

At Kensi's…

After a day at the beach they grabbed some burgers and milkshakes before heading home. Now they were sitting on the couch watching a movie. Jack went to the kitchen, grabbed two beers, and walked back to the living room. They had had so much fun, he thought he would do anything to stay like this forever, to just be with her.

When he gave her the beer their hands touched and he felt electricity run through his body; the beer bottle dropped from his hand. Kensi didn't notice because she had felt the same electricity run through her own body. At that moment he took a chance and cupped her face with his hand and put his lips on hers. She was shocked and didn't know what to do. When he saw that she didn't push him away he deepened the kiss. Kensi's heart rate quickened and before she knew it her arms were around his neck, pulling him into her. When their eyes locked there was desire and want and a little bit of hesitation in their gazes, but he didn't give her a chance to pull back.

After her reaction Jack stood her up and put his arms around her back, collecting their lips again. She jumped, wrapping her legs around his waist, his hand lowered to her hips and he then walked to her bedroom where they made love.

In the morning…

Kensi woke up snuggling against Jack's chest and feeling the warmth of him, smelling his scent that was so familiar to her, but something felt wrong, something was missing.

Before she could identify what she was pulled from her thoughts when Jack started to mumble something she couldn't understand before blinking and opening his eyes to the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. "Good morning beauty." Jack said with the biggest smile on his face.

"Good morning."

"I'm gonna make us some coffee while you get out of bed." He said before standing up and walking out of the room.

Kensi hopped out of bed and followed him into the kitchen where they drank their coffee before heading out for a run.

Later that day Kensi visited Sam at his house. When she arrived she knocked on the door: Michelle opened it.

Michelle pulled her into a tight hug. "Hey Kensi, come on in."

"Hi Michelle, how are you?" Kensi asked, stepping in.

"I'm fine, I'm the one who should be asking you. You have big things happening in your life." Michelle remarked before they walked into the living room.

Kensi was greeted by judgmental gazes from Sam and Callen, although they didn't say anything Kensi could feel it. "Hey Sam, how are you feeling today?" She asked, giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, obviously trying to change their thoughts.

Sam faked a smile. "I'm good. I just need to pass Nate and then I'll be back at work in no time."

"Well that sounds good, we hope to see you there soon."

"So how is Deeks? Apparently he doesn't want to talk to any of us and from what I've heard I don't blame him for that." Sam said, pointing between himself and his partner.

The question made Kensi tense because she wasn't sure what to say. "Well I haven't seen him since his mouth surgery, I've been pretty busy in the last two days." She said, not meeting their eyes.

"Oh yeah." Callen said sarcastically.

"What's that supposed to mean Callen?" She demanded, upset at his reaction.

"I don't know, you tell me Kensi what that means huh? Are you kidding with me? The moment Ja—." He responded, angry at her but he was interrupted by Sam.

"G not now. Not like this. Remember what Hetty said, we should help her and support her, not make it harder than it already is."

"It's my life Callen, you don't get to choose what I should do!"

"You know what Kens, you can do whatever you want. No one will intervene." Callen exclaimed before walking out of Sam's house disgusted.

"Kensi he said that just because he is afraid something will happen to you, that's all." Sam tried to calm her down.

"I can take care of myself Sam, I don't need anybody's help."

"No one said that you can't but what if the old feelings start surfacing again between you and Jack and you can't handle it? What will happen then Kensi? We are just worried because we don't want you to get hurt again." Sam, in an over protective tone, tried to show her their point and the consequences of her decision. Kensi fidgeted with her fingers and turned her head, looking around the room. The minute she did that Sam knew something was wrong. "Wait a minute… Kensi, did something happen between you two?"

"Well we… kind of… slept together… last night." She mumbled, looking at the floor.

"Please tell me you are kidding Kensi and that that isn't true." Sam demanded, and, offended when she didn't respond, continued. "Look at me. I'm gonna ask you one question: is that what you really want? What about Deeks?"

"I don't know what I want Sam! With everything that's happened lately the moment Jack showed up it felt like I was waiting for that day when he would come back. Last night we had a moment and we kissed. Before I knew it I woke up this morning in his arms." She explained.

"Well it doesn't matter whether you know it or not, apparently you didn't have feelings for Deeks because your choice last night summarizes what you want."

"Sam please don't be like Callen." She pleaded, trying to make him understand.

"I'm not acting like him and you know it. I'm telling you the truth. If you had any kind of feelings for Deeks you wouldn't do that to him. The fact that you didn't take the next step with him meant that there was something holding you back from it and it turned out that you are not over Jack: you still have feelings for him." Sam knew that what she was doing was wrong and that Jack was not the right man for her but he knew he couldn't force her to do anything.

At the Kensi stood up and was about to leave.

"Where are you going?" Michelle asked her.

"Well I'll go get something to eat before I head to the hospital to visit Deeks." She replied.

"No you are not." Sam countered.

"Why not?" She asked, confused.

"You know what we just talked about. I figured out what happened between you and Jack in two minutes: you think that Deeks won't figure it out? Maybe you don't see it, or you choose not to see it, but he is drowning in the ocean of you r love. He will figure out something is wrong the moment you walk into his room and with his persistent pushing he will know everything about Jack and what has happened between you two." Sam clarified.

"He'll know eventually about Jack." She protested weakly.

"You want him to know now? In the state he is in you will destroy him! You want to do that to him?" Same demanded. "When he is better and his state of mind is in a better place you can tell him anything you want. But not now."

She nodded and left saddened: hurt by her teammates' behaviors although they were just being logical.

When a few days had passed by (the feelings between Jack and Kensi were growing slowly) the tension between her and the team started to clear up. Nell and Eric were shocked too, when they learned about the new progress in Kensi's life, but the team visited her a couple of time in her apartment and met Jack. However, no one made the effort to "be there" for her.

But the most shocked person was Hetty. She didn't know how she could have possibly been so wrong about Kensi and Deeks; she was sure they would end up together. She had never been so sure about something in her life and it hurt because she knew there was nothing she could do. What concerned her the most now was how Deeks would deal, knowing very well he would never be able to recover from it.


	16. Chapter 16

When Eric finished work at Ops he walked out of the building and decided to pay Deeks a visit. When he arrived he parked in the hospital's lot and entered the building. He headed to the elevator and pressed the third floor button, the one that would take him to Deeks' room. We continued down the hall until he arrived at Deeks' door and knocked, fully expecting Kensi or another person from the team to be there.

"Come in." Deeks called in a bored voice like he knew who was out there. When Eric came in he was surprised, he hadn't expected it to be Eric and instead thought it would be just another hospital staff. "Oh hi Eric, come in." Deeks welcomed him with a somewhat shocked voice.

Eric noticed his tone and asked, "What's wrong?" Confused at his surprise.

"Nothing's wrong, why do you say that?" Deeks tried to sound convincing but failed. Eric didn't buy it.

"Because you don't seem to expect me, you were expecting someone else." Eric said, wanting to know what was wrong without pushing the Detective.

"Well I didn't expect anyone to come at this time, I thought it was just the nurse coming to check on me. That's all." He explained.

"Aha. By the way, I don't see anyone here, didn't anyone visit you today?" Eric inquired, confused that none of the team was there with him.

"No, Kensi was here, she left a half hour ago." Deeks lied.

That was when a redheaded nurse entered the room. She was surprised to see Eric there, and, though Deeks tried to signal her to stay silent, she didn't pay any attention to him and instead exclaimed to Eric. "Finally someone here to visit Marty! It's been so long since anyone was here."

Eric was shocked at what he heard. He stared at the nurse before turning to Deeks. "What is she talking about Deeks? You just said that Kensi was here before I came."

Deeks tried to respond but got interrupted by the nurse. "What? There was no one here. Actually, you are the first one who has visited him in the past week." The nurse informed Eric who turned to face Deeks. Deeks avoided Eric's gaze.

"Is that right Deeks? No one has visited you in the last five days? Where were they? Why didn't you call?" The Tech Operator asked, pushing Deeks to answer. The Detective didn't answer though, instead he just stared at Eric trying to fake a smile that Eric could see right through.

He pulled his phone out but before he could dial Deeks snatched it from his hand. "What are you doing?" Deeks demanded.

"I was going to call them to see why they haven't come to visit you."

"No you are not. I don't want them to visit because they think they have to or because they pity me; I don't want that. If they think they don't have to I don't blame them. I mean, who would want to be with me in this situation?" It was more of a statement than a question, but there was so much pain and hurt in his voice it was clear that he was broken.

Eric felt embarrassed that no one was visiting Deeks. He couldn't understand why, the Detective was an integral part of their team, part of their family. He was pulled from his thoughts by Deeks' voice begging. "Eric you have to promise me not to tell anyone about this."

"What! Why?" Eric couldn't understand why Deeks didn't want him to speak with the team.

"Because like I told you I don't want any one of them to feel like they have to visit me. I don't want that."

Eric reluctantly nodded. "As you like, but you can't forbid me from visiting you."

"Okay, but I don't want you to feel like you have to."

"Look. If I knew that no one was visiting you I would have been here every day. You're part of my family and one of my best friends." Eric explained to Deeks, trying to ease the situation and make Deeks smile. He was successful, a grin broke out on the Detective's face and he nodded in agreement.

Eric stayed with him for an hour they said he was going to grab some coffee. He walked out of the room and headed directly to the nurse's station. He was looking for the redheaded nurse. When he saw her he called out but didn't know her name so he ran after her until he caught up. When she saw him she smiled. "Oh, hey Marty's friend! What can I do for you?"

Eric saw the nametag on her shirt: it read 'Amy James.'

"Hey, Amy, right?" She nodded." Hi, my name is Eric. I just wanted to know who the last person to visit Deeks was."

"It was a little woman who has those scary stares that make you freeze like a stone. I don't know her name but she was the last one who visited Mary." Amy told him.

"That would be Hetty, okay. And what about Deeks' condition? How is he?" Eric asked again.

"Well physically he is healing quickly and if he continues like this he will be discharged in two weeks as long as there is someone with him until he can take care of himself. He'll need at least one month after his discharge for his ribs to heal fully and then he can go back to work after that."

"Okay, what about the rest of the team. When did they last visit him?"

"It was the day before Hetty came. You were with them, right?"

"Yeah, I remember. Look, I want you to do me a favor okay? I want you to keep an eye on Deeks and see who visits him. Can you do that for me? I will be here every day after work." She nodded before Eric added, "But you have to keep this from Deeks. He can't know about this."

"If you keep visiting I won't tell him." She bargained. "He needs someone to be with him, he is having nightmares that make him wake up in the middle of the night screaming. They fill the whole hospital. When we get to his room it takes us awhile to calm him down. Maybe someone who knows him could make him feel more safe and deal with them instead of running away from it."

Eric nodded and headed to the cafeteria to get his coffee (so Deeks would not be suspicious) and two cups of Jello. When he entered Deeks' room the Detective saw him and smiled. Then he noticed the Jello and nearly leapt from bed. "Are those for me?" He asked excitedly.

Eric smiled and tossed them to him. "Yes they are."

"Thanks buddy!" Deeks started to eat the first one and immediately remembered that the last time he was in the hospital Kensi had eaten it before he could. He quickly spoke to erase those thoughts. "So how is everybody? Back at work?"

"Well I guess everybody is fine. Sam is back on desk duty and is seeing Nate twice a week. He will be back in the field next week if he passes Nate's evaluation. Callen is the same and Hetty, you know how Hetty is, she is like a little ninja assassin, and Nell and I are the same, we fight crime with technological devices…" Eric was talking when he was interrupted by Deeks.

"Have you told her?"

"Told her what?" Eric asked, confused.

"That you love her."

Deeks' words surprised him and made his face turn a bright tomato red. He smiled shyly. "I don't know what you are talking about." The redness of his face darkened.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, and believe me when I tell you this: if you wait too long you will regret it and you will miss your chance. You don't want that to happen. You don't want to get lost in the 'what ifs' cycle… it doesn't have an end." Deeks counseled in a low voice, almost sounding like he was talking to himself.

"But what if she rejects me? What would I do then? It would destroy everything; we wouldn't be able to work together."

"Okay, but what if you don't do anything and suddenly she meets a guy and falls in love with him? Then what are you going to do after you've lost your chance? Would you be able to work with her after that? Let me make this simple for you. You can't work without her so what would be better? Telling her and her rejecting you? Or you watching her get tired of waiting and meeting someone else? If you tell her and she rejects you then you will have no regrets in the future and you will know where you stand. And just for the record, the way she looks at you, I can say that she feels the same. That's all I've got for you." Deeks said, somewhat surprised at all he had said because he had not meant to when he started his speech.

"Wow. You just sounded like Dr. Phil there. Okay I will try my best, but I have a question for you. How do you give that speech about how to communicate and not regret and not make you relationship with Kensi work?" Eric let the words slip, and, too late to pull them back in, regretted it the minute his mouth closed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that."

Deeks nodded. "It's okay, you… didn't… mention… Kensi. Earlier… ahm… how is she?"

Eric choked on his coffee, completely taken off guard by Deeks' question. He had no idea what to say. Since Deeks had asked Eric knew that Kensi hadn't told him about Jack coming back and that meant that Deeks didn't know what was going on between them. Eric was in trouble: what could he do? What should he say? If he told the truth he was worried at how Deeks would react. On the other hand if he lied and Deeks found out Eric might lose the Detective's trust and friendship. Before he could decide he was pulled from his thoughts by Deeks. "What's wrong Eric? Did something happen to her?" Deeks' face was serious and he looked extremely worried about his partner.

Eric was shocked by that: that Deeks was so worried about Kensi when she, after Jack had come back, hadn't give her partner a second glance and hadn't even come to visit him. "Um, no. Actually she is good." Eric reassured him.

Deeks sighed in relief but there was a disappointed look in his eyes. He was thankful that his partner was okay but he was disappointed that she hadn't visited him. "That's good." Deeks said with a sad smile on his face. "How is she doing?"

"Well I don't know how I'm going to tell you…" Eric mumbled, sweating.

"Just spell it out." Deeks said, demanding answers.


	17. Chapter 17

"Well… two days after you woke up Kensi got a call from a doctor who works at a facility called Casa Palmera. When she went there to see what he wanted she found Jack was there, her ex fiancée." Deeks' eyes widened at the mention of Jack's name, he wanted to interrupt but waited until Eric finished. "It turned out that he entered the center right after he left Kensi and he stayed there till he was 'fixed.' Jack asked the doctor to find Kensi for him, and, since the doctor had some friends in the LAPD, when he asked about her they told him that you were are her partner and gave him her number. When she met with the doctor he told her everything that had happened to Jack and that he was doing well so he was going to be discharged and that the best case scenario was him living with someone who could take care of him and help him re-assimilate to the world. Kensi offered to do that." Eric stopped to take a breath and Deeks opened his mouth to interrupt but Eric rushed on. "I don't know why she would do something like that… after he left her, after what he did… I mean, she should be with you, not with him." Eric finished, quite upset knowing now that Kensi hadn't visited Deeks and instead was spending her time with Jack.

"Don't be mad at her, she did it because she felt guilty and it doesn't matter if she is here or not; I can take care of myself." Deeks lied about the last part; he was losing himself in this hospital fighting everything alone with no one by his side.

Eric's brow furrowed in confusion. "Why would she feel guilty? He's the one who left her."

"Because she thinks she is the one who pushed him away and forced him to leave. She feels that she didn't do anything to help him or make him feel better, she thinks she wasn't there for him in the past so she wants to be there for him now." Deeks explained.

"But that can't be true, I know Kensi. She's never satisfied if she hasn't done everything in her power to help others. She couldn't be the one who pushed someone who needs help away." Eric argued.

"I know, but you should also know that if something bad happens on her watch she will always blame herself for any mistakes, even if it's not her fault. She will always blame herself because she thinks she should have been able to do more. That's Kensi."

"Okay, so what are you gonna do now?" Eric asked after a pause.

"Well, nothing. I'll wait until I'm good to go and then I'll go home. I'll take a little time to get myself together and then I'll come back to work. Hetty will put me on desk duty and it'll be boring but it'll be a lot better than this." He gestured to the hospital around him.

"Okay. I'm just gonna head back to my car and grab my go bag, I'll be right back okay?" Eric asked before standing up and heading for the door.

He was stopped by Deeks asking him, "What are you doing?"

"Well I'm gonna crash here if you don't mind." He explained.

"Eric you don't have to do that, it's not your obligation to do this." Deeks tried to help Eric not feel guilty about leaving, he didn't want him to feel like he had to stick around and he was suspicious that the Tech Operator was just feeling sorry for him.

"I don't have to but I want to. Like I said you are my family and one of my best friends. I'm doing this because I want to, okay? Not for the reason you are thinking about." Eric said, knowing Deeks did not want anyone to feel sorry for him. Eric could see that so he was careful because he didn't want the Detective to feel embarrassed when he had no need to.

"Okay." Deeks said in a soft voice.

Eric walked out of the room and headed to his car; he grabbed the go bag and headed back to Deeks' room.

"So where are you going to sleep?" Deeks inquired.

"Don't worry about that, I'll sleep on the chair. I'm used to that, I've slept many times in one at Ops so it won't be a big deal."

"No you are not. Could you go and find Nurse Amy and tell her that I want her please?"

Eric gave him a confused look but didn't argue and instead went looking for Nurse Amy. When he found her he called out, "Hey, Nurse Amy."

She looked at him and asked, "Yes, what can I do for you?"

"Not me, actually it's Deeks who wants you for something."

"Oh, Marty. Did something happen to him?" She asked before rushing towards the Detective's room. "Hey Marty, what's wrong? Do you need anything?" She asked when she entered, worried.

"Well my friend here," he said, pointing to Eric, "would like to spend the night here so I was thinking maybe you could find an empty bed for him to sleep in?" Deeks asked, giving her the softest look with his puppy eyes.

She smiled shyly. "Sure, I'll see what I can do."

After half an hour she returned with a traveling bed that she wheeled into the room and put on the opposite side of Deeks' bed before saying good night and leaving.

Eric stood and walked to the bathroom and changed into superman shorts and a t-shirt. Deeks chuckled when Eric came into view but didn't comment. Eric slipped into his new bed and the talked for some time before both of them drifted off to sleep.

In the middle of the night Eric woke up to the sound of noise and movement in his room. When he looked around and recognized where he was he remembered Deeks so he glanced over at the Detective. Deeks' movements were aggressive and he was mumbling something Eric couldn't understand. The Tech Operator quickly walked over to him and tried to wake him up. "Deeks wake up… Deeeeeeeks, wake up man." But the sleeping man did not respond. Instead Eric tried shaking him but at the first touch Deeks awoke, shooting his hand up in the air and almost hitting Eric.

"What's wrong? What happened?" Deeks demanded, fear in his eyes.

"It's okay Deeks, you were having a nightmare. It's okay Deeks, take it easy there buddy; just breathe." Eric soothed, trying to calm the Detective down after his nightmare. Though he was frightened by Deeks' behavior he tried not to show it and instead did his best to comfort him.

After a moment Deeks relaxed and recognized his surroundings. "I'm sorry Eric. I didn't want to scare you." He said in a shaking voice.

"Never mind, it's okay, just relax." Eric said, before Deeks quickly fell asleep again. Eric followed suit.

The next morning Deeks awoke to the sound of Amy in his room. She was checking his monitors. When he looked around he didn't see Eric but Amy noticed and answered his unspoken question. "He had to go to work but he will be back after that."

"Okay."

"He's kind of cute don't you think?" She smiled, clearly interested in Eric.

"He is but he's not available." Deeks said firmly.

"What, is he married?" She asked, somewhat disappointed.

"No but the woman who is interested in him is someone you don't want to mess around with. I'm pretty sure she is taking some ninja training." Deeks said, laughing at himself when he imagined Hetty giving Nell some ninja training. Then he abruptly stopped and his face changed at the idea of both of them finding out what he was thinking about and what they would do to him. He paled at the thought.

Amy saw his face change and she couldn't help but be concerned. "Is there something wrong?"

"No no. There's nothing wrong." He said quickly, which just made Amy confused but she let it go.

In the evening Eric walked into Deeks' room with a box of Jello cups and settled himself on the chair.

"Tell me what happened." Deeks requested, intrigued at what had happened between him and Nell.

"What do you mean 'what happened?'"

"Oh man, between you and Nell? Did you tell her?" Deeks asked again, slightly annoyed at Eric. He was very smart but when it came to girls he could be an idiot.

"Oh. I went to the Mission but I was surprised that the team wasn't there so I called Nell to find out what was going on and where everybody was and she told me that Hetty gave the team two weeks for recovery."

"So did you go to see her?" Deeks asked.

"I don't understand." Eric said, mixed up.

"You said Hetty gave two weeks for recovery so if you didn't go to see her where have you been?"

"Yes Hetty gave us break time but since I'm the only Technical Operator available I have to stick around till Hetty finds someone to replace me." He explained, finally understanding.

"And Nell?" Deeks persisted.

"You're gonna get me killed with your ideas you know. Unfortunately she went to visit her family so I couldn't talk to her because that's something you say face to face, not over the phone."

Another week passed by with the same routine: Eric would go to the Mission in the morning and come back to visit Deeks and stay with him at night, helping him live through the nightmares. They didn't lessen in frequency or number, but Eric was able to wake Deeks up and help him get back to sleep afterwards.

The next Wednesday a doctor came to Deeks' room and said that he was allowed to be discharged the next day as long as he took it easy and mostly stayed in bed for a week with only a little bit of walking and didn't do anything stupid that would make his condition worse. Deeks was happy with this news and called Eric and told him that he would need someone to sign his released papers and was wondering if Eric wouldn't mind doing that. The Tech Operator readily agreed.

The following morning Eric signed Deeks' release papers.

Nurse Amy stopped them on the way out. "We are gonna miss you so much here Marty!" She said, giving him a light hug, mindful of his injuries, and a kiss on the cheek. She then turned to Eric and hugged him as well. He froze, his cheeks turning bright red. She gave him a kiss on the cheek anyway and whispered in his ear, "Keep an eye on him okay?" Eric nodded shyly, not able to say anything.

"Well Amy," a doctor interrupted, "you will not miss him because it looks like Mr. Deeks can't change his bandages by himself or clean the wounds and from what I saw when Mr. Beale walked through the ER he is not a big fan of blood or scary cuts. No offense Mr. Deeks."

"None taken." Deeks said, trying to keep himself from laughing at the look on Eric's face. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

The doctor continued. "So, Amy, you are going to visit Mr. Deeks at his place every couple of days to check on him and change his bandages and clean the wounds. And, before I forget, there must be someone there to keep an eye on you Mr. Deeks, is that clear?" The doctor finished.

All of them nodded, agreeing to the doctor's order and they all headed their own ways: Deeks and Eric to Deeks' apartment, the doctor and Nurse Amy to their work.


	18. Chapter 18

After they left the hospital building Eric rushed to get his car to the entrance of the hospital so Deeks wouldn't have to walk too far. Deeks, for his part, waited patiently enjoying the view because he had missed everything out there after (what seems like) an eternity in the hospital. When Eric pulled over in front of him Deeks opened the passenger door and slowly sat. After he had settled himself Eric took off.

When they pulled into Deeks' parking lot Eric took care of the bags, quickly putting them inside the apartment before running back outside to see if Deeks needed any help. But of course Deeks was too stubborn to allow that, even though he was in a lot of pain he refused to show it. He didn't want to show that he was weak.

After they both entered the apartment Deeks sat quickly on the couch to catch his breath. "Eric, I forgot to ask before, but where is Monty?" He missed his mutt.

"Well he was with Nell before she took off for her vacation. I'll call her and ask about him." Eric answered before pulling his phone out and speed dialing Nell. Deeks gave him a sweet, somewhat smug, smile. "What?" Eric asked, confused.

"Nothing." Deeks replied before winking at him.

"Oh, hey Nell, how are you?"

"I'm fine, is there something wrong?" Nell's voice came over the other end of the phone.

"No there's nothing wrong, I'm sorry to interrupt your family vacation but Deeks was worried about Monty an—."

Deeks interrupted him before he could finish. "Hey! Don't blame it all on me."

Nell, who had heard the Detective's indignant defense, suppressed a smile on the other end of the line.

Eric apologized to Deeks, but Deeks didn't let him stop there. "Just tell her." He said, giving Eric a pointed look and raising his voice so that Nell could hear.

Before Eric could say anything Nell asked, "Tell me what?"

Eric froze. He didn't know what to say to her or how he could get himself out of this situation that Deeks had stuck him in.

"Come on, don't be shy now, we talked about this." Deeks encouraged, laughing at the look on Eric's face. Eric was mortified and was still frozen but was pulled from his thoughts by Nell again.

"What are you shy about Eric?" She asked, almost knowing what was happening between Eric and Deeks: Eric was standing like he'd been caught by Hetty playing video games in Ops.

Before he could do anything Deeks had stood up and stolen the phone right out of his hands. "Hey Nell." Deeks greeted.

Eric finally un-froze, moments too late of course, but nevertheless he demanded, "What are you doing Deeks?" He moved towards the Detective.

"Oh Hey Deeks, how are you?" Nell asked, now completely confused at what was happening on the other end of the line.

"Well I'm fine, but I need to tell you something." Deeks said, still walking away from Eric.

The Tech Operator frantically tried to get the phone back but there wasn't much he was willing to do because Deeks was still recovering. "That's not cool man, don't do this!" Eric stammered.

Nell was somewhat worried now. "Okay, what's wrong?" She replied to Deeks.

"There's nothing wrong, hang on a minute." He turned to face Eric when he noticed the Tech Operator beside him. Deeks raised his index finger and held it out to Eric, telling him to wait. Eric reluctantly responded to that and stopped moving. Deeks turned his attention back to Nell. "There is something important that Eric wants to talk to you about when you come back from your vacation."

Eric's knees almost buckled in relief when Deeks didn't tell Nell about his feelings, but immediately his nerves returned because Deeks had just thrown him into the fire now.

Nell suspected what they were talking about when Deeks told her that Eric need to talk to her about something important and, because of Deeks behavior throughout the call, she knew it was about her and Eric. A huge smile drew itself on her face; she likes Eric. Who was she kidding? She was in love with him! She still missed the feeling that his lips left on hers when she kissed him, but she was afraid the he didn't share the same feelings. "I would love to chat with him when I get back." She replied finally, quite happily.

"Really?" Deeks said, shocked in a good way of course, but he just hadn't expected her to say it that easily.

"Yeah, really." Nell assured him.

"Okay, that's nice. Before I go, where is Monty?"

"He is with me but he's asleep right now, should I wake him up for you to talk to him?"

"No that's okay, I can see him when you come back."

"Okay then I'll see you both when I come back next week."

"Yup, see you next week." Deeks said, before hanging up and tossing the phone to Eric.

"Why did you do that man? I told you I would talk to her when she comes back!" Eric demanded, close to panic.

"I didn't say anything about what you want to talk to her about, I just wanted to make sure that you won't chicken out and actually talk to her. I just put a date on the little conversation you will have—wait a minute I mean big conversation, that's all." Deeks smirked.

"No, you just arranged my death." Eric said dismally.

"I'm not so sure about that." Deeks said with a smile.

Eric was intrigued. "What do you mean?"

"I sensed that she knew what kind of conversation you both will be having and I think she was happy about it; like she's been waiting for you to make the first move." Deeks explained. As he did he sensed that Eric relaxed a little so he decided to tease the love struck Tech Operator. "You two are gonna be two cute love birds! Ha."

Eric blushed and, knowing that there was only one way out of this embarrassing conversation, changed the subject. He cleared his throat. "Why don't we order something to eat? Aren't you hungry? I know I am."

Deeks noticed the subject change but decided to give him a break. "I won't say anything more on the subject, only because I'm hungry. So what's your mood today: Indian, Thai, Chinese, Italian…" Deeks left it open incase Eric had something else in mind.

"Well I guess Chinese sounds good."

"Second drawer on the right." Deeks instructed, pointing Eric to a table in the living room. When Eric opened said drawer he found a multitude of deliver menus, ranging in cuisine, and chose a Chinese one, ordering for them both.

Deeks returned to the couch and sat, turning on the TV. Eric brought two beers from the kitchen and sat next to Deeks, handing one over.

"Thanks." Deeks said.

"Welcome, but I'm gonna borrow that." And, before Deeks could protest, he whisked the remote control out of the Detective's hands and started to flip through the channels. When he didn't find anything interesting he flipped two more channels before handing the remote back to Deeks. The channel he left it on was a shock to Deeks: it was a replay of America's Next Top Model. The show immediately sent Deeks' thoughts to nights he and Kensi spent together at each other's' houses and how they used to tease each other, drink beer and snuggle together. He missed those nights. He missed Kensi a lot. He quickly pushed those thoughts aside and replaced them with reality even though it hurt: she had rejected him and didn't care enough about him to visit him at the hospital for two weeks, not even to call or send a message.

The doorbell rang, announcing that the food had arrived. Eric opened the door and paid the delivery man, bringing the food inside. They ate and after a boring hour Eric told Deeks to go and sleep for awhile because the Detective was yawning. Deeks obeyed without a fight (he wasn't in the mood), and when he was alone in his room he finally let the tears fall down silently. He changed his clothes and slipped into bed, hoping to sleep and get out of this miserable state. He took two pain killers and in no time had drifted off to sleep.

Eric was lying on the couch tapping on his tablet when he heard Deeks screaming. He knew immediately that Deeks was having a nightmare, but he had thought that if he was in his apartment there would be fewer. Unfortunately that didn't seem to be the case. He rushed to Deeks room, opened the door and stood beside the bed calling, "Deeks, wake up." When that didn't work he tried shaking him. Deeks woke up instantly and threw his hand in the air, hitting Eric in the shoulder. Eric winced, although it wasn't a strong hit it was enough to cause some pain. "Deeks calm down, it's me, Eric. We are at your apartment. Calm down, no one is here." Eric soothed, rubbing the spot on his shoulder where the Detective had hit him and stepping back, away from Deeks' hands.

Deeks started to recognize his surroundings and relax. When he saw Eric's hand on his shoulder he immediately figured out what had happened. "Oh I'm so sorry Eric, I never meant to hit you." Deeks apologized.

"Don't worry man, you were asleep and having a nightmare; your first instinct is to hit. Hopefully they will go away soon but I'll be more careful next time." Eric reassured him.

"Thank. I hope they will be gone soon too. And thank you, for being here with me. Again, I'm really sorry." Deeks said, feeling guilty.

"Like I said, don't worry about it, it was just a nightmare. You weren't yourself." Eric tried to lessen the guilt because he had no reason to feel guilty. Finally Deeks nodded and let his head fall back onto the bed.

After a couple of days Amy swung by and checked on Deeks, changing his bandages and making sure he was following the doctor's orders. When she left Eric closed the door behind her but two seconds later there was a knock. He opened it saying, "Did you forget something Amy…." But before he could finish he saw it was Nate. "Hey Nate! How are you man?" Eric greeted, before giving him a bro hug.

"Hey Eric, what are you doing here? And where is Deeks? And who is Amy?" Nate asked, confused.

"Firstly Amy is Deeks' nurse, secondly I'm staying here with Deeks until he is healed, thirdly Deeks is in his room: Amy just changed his bandages. Now what are you doing here?"

"I'm here on a request from Hetty to talk with Deeks." Nate explained.

Eric showed him into Deeks apartment and went to tell Deeks that Nate was here, but Nate just followed him into the room.

"Hey Nate." Deeks welcomed.

"Hello Deeks, how are you feeling today?" Nate asked.

"I'm good, thank you for asking."

"Well as I told Eric I'm here on a request from Hetty—."

Before he could finish Deeks interrupted him. "No, no, no. I said I'm not talking to anyone until I'm physically healed, okay?"

"But those were Hetty's orders."

"I'll talk to Hetty. Please Nate, it's just a couple of weeks and then I'll talk to you as much as you want, okay?" Deeks begged him.

Nate let out a breath. "Okay, I'll talk to Hetty and tell her that you are not ready and need some time to rest." Nate accepted Deeks request.

"Thanks man, I owe you one." Nate nodded and stood up, ready to leave.

"Where are you going?" Deeks asked.

"Well since we are not talking today I should jump to the next one: I'm heading to talk to Sam."

"Well ahh… how is he doing?"

"I saw him twice but we didn't talk much. He was silent most of the time. I tried to bring the—hmmmm, I'm sorry, there wasn't anything new." He stopped himself, noticing the paleness in Deeks face.

Deeks tried to wipe it away quickly and said, "Don't worry about that."

"Hang on a minute. You asked me about Sam. Don't you talk to him?" Nate asked, confused.

"Well, during the thing with Sidorov something happened between us and I'm not ready to talk to him. Not yet."

"Okay, I get it, but why didn't you ask Callen or Kensi about him?" Nate asked, still confused.

"In the hospital I sort of had a fight with both of them and we haven't talked since."

"Oh. That's why she isn't here then."

"Yes. But whatever I told you, you can't say to anyone. Not even Hetty. And the same goes for Eric staying here, okay? I know Hetty has her ways and she will push you, but you can't tell her anything." Deeks told Nate in a firm tone, letting him understand there was no way to say no. Nate nodded then left.


	19. Chapter 19

After Nate left them, Eric suggested to Deeks that they head for the beach and enjoy the ocean. Deeks was hesitant to agree, because he knew it would be hard for him to go there, unable to surf, but then it hit him: since Eric was stuck with him, the Tech Operator hadn't had time to surf either. Deeks agreed, knowing that if he didn't, Eric wouldn't go. They both got ready and left for the sand.

Nate arrived at Sam's house early, because he hadn't had a chance to talk to the Detective. He knocked and, shortly after, Michelle opened the door and welcomed him in. They walked to the living room where Sam was on the couch watching TV.

"Hey Sam." Nate called from across the room.

"Hey Nate, come on in. You're early today." Sam replied.

"Well I had an appointment postponed to a later date, so I figured I could come and have more time with you. If that's okay with you, I mean?" Nate explained.

"No it's okay man. Come on in and sit down." Sam said, pointing to a chair across from him.

"So how are you doing today Sam?" Nate asked.

"I'm doing great." Sam answered.

"So are we gonna talk about the thing between you and Deeks?" Nate inquired, getting to the point quickly.

"I told you I want to have that conversation with him first." Sam answered, annoyed by everyone's persistence in wanting to know what was wrong between him and Deeks.

"Well actually… you know that appointment that got postponed before I came here? It was with Deeks. I went to his apartment to see him and talk to him but he wasn't ready, so I delayed it for another time." Nate confessed, trying to get Sam to talk because he knew this would be the only way.

"You saw Deeks? How is he?" Sam asked, concerned about his teammate, the one he owes everything to: his life, his wife, and his life with his family. He needed to make sure that Deeks was okay.

"He is healing fine physically, the bruises on his body are fading away, but mentally… that's what concerns me. He isn't fine, so that's why I need to know everything that happened between you two so I can help you both. If you don't tell me, I can't let you talk to him because if either of you is not ready for that conversation (which you aren't at the moment), you will just destroy each other." Nate said, his voice firm. He was completely serious about the situation in front of them, knowing if the right steps weren't taken they would both lose themselves.

"Sam," Michelle interjected, "please tell him what happened between you two. It's not gonna make any difference if you tell him before you talk to Deeks or after. He's right you know, if you talk to Deeks when he isn't ready you will only hurt him and I know that all you want to do is help him get back to his old self." She pleaded, trying to convince him to remove the weight from his chest.

Sam sighed, worried at what Nate would think of him after he tells the Psychologist of how he had treated Deeks, but he knew he didn't have a choice now. "Okay. But whatever I tell you here, stays here. Between us. I don't want anyone to know what happened before I talk to Deeks. Okay?"

"Okay. I promise you no one will know about this conversation. Not even Hetty." Nate assured him.

"Okay. It started in Ops when we were called about Sidorov's case. We were going to be watching him and backing up Michelle and Hetty partnered me with Deeks. I refused. I told them that I didn't trust him to back up Michelle and after that, during the operation, we were talking and I wanted to end any conversation with him because he was talking so much, so I told him that I didn't like his character: basically I told him that he is weak and nothing like me… But that's not the worst thing. When we were tortured…" Sam stopped talking for a minute."

"What happened Sam?" Michelle encouraged, wanting to hear more because even after he had been released from the hospital, neither he nor Deeks had breathed a word about what had happened in the warehouse.

"Sidorov started to torture me with electric shocks, but when I didn't give him anything he turned to Deeks and said that he would get everything from the weak one. He started to drill Deeks' teeth and then beat him and stab him, but Deeks never ever surrendered. He took it all for a woman he barely know, and for me… even after what I had done to him. After that they put him in the corner and started to ask him while torturing me… and then Deeks told them to stop. He said that he would give them everything they wanted… and in that moment I doubted him again. I started to think that I had been right about him being weak. But, then he told them his real name and gave a fake name for me and demanded that before he said anything, they had to get me to a hospital and he needed to see proof that I was safe. That's when I realized what he was doing: he was sacrificing himself to get me out of there alive. To get me back to my family. I felt so ashamed, again… So that is why I want to talk to him before anyone else finds out what happened. I need to apologize to him and tell him how stupid I was. I underestimated his strength and his will and I need to tell him that I'm sorry for not trusting him because all that I have now is because of him." Sam finished his detailed description of what had happened between him and Deeks. When he finished Michelle was crying, knowing how hard it was for him to carry this guilt by himself and how hard it must have been for him to say all this to Nate.

Nate sat in silence, analyzing everything Sam had just said, trying to understand Deeks' behavior and thoughts and wondering how he could start to help both of them get back to normal, though he doubted it would ever be 'normal' again. "You know that Deeks did that because it was his job to back you up, and, from what I know about him, when it comes to his job and the people he cares about, no one can question his resolve because he will do everything in his power to protect them, even if it costs him his life. And what he did lately proves that."

"I know, and that's what hurts the most. I couldn't see that, or I didn't want to see that in him." Sam mumbled, punishing himself.

"Hey, it's not your fault. None of you knew his strength, except Hetty. Not even Callen knew that so you can't feel guilty about this. You need to get yourself together to be able to help him because I don't think that I can do that alone. He is going to need all of you there by his side." Nate said, trying to make Sam feel better and be strong for Deeks.

"I will do anything in my power to help him. Anything you need just ask for it. Don't hesitate. Neither me, nor Callen, nor even Michelle, will stop doing what you ask to help him. He is a part of the family now."

At the beach…

Deeks and Eric sat on the sand, enjoying the warmth of the sun and the view of the people walking and surfing. The surfers who were riding the waves made Deeks feel jealous, but he hoped that he would be back out there showing him how to really surf in no time. "Hey Eric, why don't you go and join them out there?" Deeks asked, pointing to the surfers in the ocean.

"No, I'm fine."

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. You haven't surfed in a while so you need to get out there. I know the feeling and how it stings not to so just go. Someone needs to show these guys how to do it right anyway."

"Are you sure that you'll be fine? I mean, I don't have to, It's not necessary." Eric questioned.

"Like I said, I'll be fine. If I need anything I'll whistle. Go and show them the real deal." Deeks encouraged. With that final push Eric headed to the water .

Deeks on the other hand started to look at the view around him. Although it hurt him because he couldn't do anything, it felt great just to be back on the beach again. When he was being tortured by Sidorov he thought that he would never see the ocean again, thinking he was going to die no matter what, and yet here he was enjoying it for as long as he could.

After an hour Deeks stood and whistled to Eric, who looked at him. The Detective signaled that he was going to grab them some food and drink. Eric gave him the thumbs up in approval.

Deeks headed to a food truck and ordered them fish tacos and on the way back stopped to buy two beers. When he reached their patch of sand he found Eric already waiting for him. He handed the other man his share of the food and beer.

"Thank man." Eric said. Deeks gave him a nod to say 'you're welcome.'

They chatted for a while before Eric's face paled and he stared at something. Deeks noticed and followed Eric's line of sight to see what had made the Tech Operator's behavior change so suddenly. He saw that Eric was staring at a man on the beach. Deeks turned his attention back to Eric. "Do you know him?"

Deeks' question pulled Eric out of his thoughts; he didn't know what to say. Should he tell him who that man was or should he just lie and say he doesn't know him? "Uh, no. I don't know him." Eric said finally, trying to sound nonchalant. His tone of voice failed to sound convincing though, alerting Deeks.

"Eric don't lit to me." Deeks said, sounding disappointed by Eric, before looking away.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to, it's just… I don't know how to explain…"

He hadn't completed his sentence when Deeks interrupted him. "So that's Jack."

"What? How did you know who he—."

Again, Eric didn't finish before Deeks interrupted him. "You know him but you don't like him and you have problems explaining who he is to me: that means he's Jack."

Before Eric could say anything in reply, Jack noticed him. "Oh hey Eric!" He called, approaching.

"Hey Jack." Eric said in response. "This is…" Eric tried to introduce Deeks, but for the third time in as many minutes he was cut off.

"This would be the Marty Deeks." Jack said, holding out his hand to Deeks. Deeks responded and shook it.

"How do you know me?" Deeks inquired.

"Well my gir—I mean Kensi told me about you." Jack told them, which brought an irritated look to Eric's face; he had heard what Jack had almost said, and judging by the look of disappointment and hurt on Deeks face, he had caught it too. Eric was made because he hadn't wanted Deeks to find out like this… not now at least.

After what Jack said Deeks bit the inside of his cheek and took a deep breathing, trying to calm down. He looked in anger at Eric because he knew that Eric had this information but had kept it from him. "Really, how… is she?" Deeks asked Jack, trying to change the subject.

"She's fine I guess… at least that's what she told me."

Deeks knew what 'fine' meant when it came to Kensi. He felt his insides twist because he still loved her deeply, but knew that she had rejected him and now, apparently, had someone else in her life. He started to think that maybe it was him that was the problem. That he wasn't good enough for her. But, he told himself, I'm her partner and if I truly love her I will care only for her happiness, even if that happiness comes from being with someone else. "Well," he voiced aloud, "keep her safe and happy. And don't hurt her this time, okay?" Deeks stood up to leave.

"What do you mean?" Jack demanded, offended by Deeks' statement.

"Well obviously there is something going on between you two, and she is my partner so if you hurt her again like you did last time, I will literally kill you. Do you understand me?" Deeks promised in a cold tone, leaving no doubt that he was serious.

"Hey! Why would you say that? Wait a minute… I know that look… you have feelings for her!" Jack exclaimed, heat rising in his voice.

"I don't have feelings for her, she is my partner." Deeks denied, trying to sound convincing.

"You , you do! You are actually in love with her!"

"Stop it right there Jack." Eric interjected, standing up next to Deeks, but Deeks put a hand on Eric's shoulder, telling him that he had this.

"You know what I'm in love with her but she is not in love with me. But, she is one of a kind and if she loves you that means that you are also one of a kind so if you do anything to hurt her you will be dealing with me." Deeks answered in anger.

"You're angry because she came back to me, her true love, and left you beh—."

He never got to finish because Eric punched him right in the face. "I told you to stop it **!" Eric yelled.

Jack rubbed his face. "I don't want you anywhere near her, do you understand me Deeks? I will send you to Hell if I see you with her. And you, Eric, I liked you at first but now we are done. I will have my pay back." Jack threatened before turning on his heels and leaving.

"I'd like to see you try!" Deeks yelled after him.


	20. Chapter 20

After that whole event Eric and Deeks decided it would probably be best if they headed home. On the way Deeks was silent, saying nothing, and just staring out the window. After awhile Eric broke the silence. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you man, I just didn't know how to bring it up… it was hard."

"But we're supposed to be buddies, you just should have told me. You know how I've been thinking about why didn't come visit me… you know that I love her…" Deeks voice trailed off into an angry whisper. "How could you put me through this?"

I'm so sorry Deeks, but I didn't want you to know now, and certainly not like this. I thought I'd wait until you healed before I brought it up." Eric explained, but the upset look on Deeks face didn't go away and Eric knew it wouldn't be easy to go from here.

At Kensi's…

Kensi was in the kitchen cleaning when she heard the front door open. She looked through the kitchen opening and saw Jack put his hand on his face, wincing in pain. She walked to him and noticed a bruise under his left eye. "Oh my God, what happened to you?" Kensi asked, worried.

"Nothing happened; I just bumped into someone opening the coffee shop door: that's it." Jack said, avoiding her gaze.

"Don't lie to me; this if from a punch. Did you get in a fight with someone?" She asked, walking to the kitchen to retrieve an ice pack.

"Okay… I bumped into someone on the beach and when I told him to look where he was going apparently he didn't like it. So I ended up with this." He lied, knowing that if he told her the truth that she would run away from him and straight back to Deeks. She would kick Jack out of her life.

Kensi didn't believe him, not for one second, but she didn't want to push him so she let it go.

"I'm sorry Kens, I didn't want to scare you, I know you are worried about me, worried that something will happen to me, but I'm telling you that I'm okay and I'm not gonna leave you. I care so much about you; I have feelings for you that I don't think ever left. I love you so much Kens and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to prove that to you." He said in a soft tone, trying to get her to understand that he wasn't going anywhere.

"Whooaaaa wait a minute. You love me? What are you talking about?" Kensi demanded, bewildered that he could do this to her. She didn't know how she felt, but certainly she wasn't in love with him.

"I mean it Kensi, I love you and I know you have feelings for me." He said, trying again to assure her.

"No, hold on there. How could you say that? I don't know what I'm feeling!" She said to him, annoyed.

"But we made love! How could you tell me that you don't have feelings for me?" He said, sounding offended by her.

"No, we didn't make love we had sex. There is a big difference between the two." Kensi said, raising her voice louder than she intended it to be.

"What do you mean Kensi? You don't have feelings for me? You don't care about me?" He was upset now by her actions.

"I care about you, but I don't know how I'm feeling. I'm a mess. We had sex because of everything that has happened to me. At that moment I almost lost Deeks, and then we had a fight and there was so much tension between us and that's when you came back. I was in a very disordered situation and I had a lot of emotions running very high. The thing with Deeks and the team was very complicated and I didn't know what to do." She explained.

"So what's gonna happen now?" He asked sadly. He didn't really want to know the answer because he knew it would most definitely hurt him.

"I don't know right now. I need some time to get myself together and figure it out. Then I'll find out what I will do." She told him before heading to her bedroom and closing the door behind her. She threw herself on the bed and started to cry. All of this had started after her talk with Sam and Callen and the way Sam had analyzed the situation and said that she must not have feelings for Deeks… but she didn't understand how he could say that because she does have feelings for him, but everything is so complicated right now and she just needs time.

The next few days were awkward between Kensi and Jack, and between Deeks and Eric. Amy stopped by Deeks' twice to check on his bandages, and as usual his sleeping hours were filled with nightmares. It was hard for everyone.

Sunday evening Eric's phone vibrated: it was a call from Nell. When he looked at Deeks, the Detective knew immediately that it was Nell.

"Answer her." Deeks told him.

He hit the button and took the call. "Hey Nell, how are you? Eric said shyly.

"I'm fine. I came back from vacation and went to your apartment and knocked but no one answered, so where are you?" Nell asked him, concerned.

"Well I'm at Deeks' apartment. We are having dinner here but I can come to you if you want."

"No need, I'll come to you, I want to check on Deeks anyway and give him Monty; I'm sure he missed Deeks a lot… I know I'm gonna miss him. And then maybe we could have that talk you wanted to have with me." She said, which made Eric even more nervous because he still had no clue what he was going to say or do. He was scared because it was going to be now or never and this moment would change his life forever.

"Sure." He managed to say.

"Okay, then I'll see you in twenty." She said before hanging up.

Eric's phone slipped from his hand and fell to the ground. His breath started to quicken. Deeks noticed and tried to reassure the Tech Operator before the most important conversation of his life. "Hey buddy just relax, it's gonna be fine. She is not going to kick your ass, although that would be something I'd love to watch. Believe me when I tell you that she has the same feelings that you have."

Eric breathed in relief at Deeks' words. "You think?" he asked, looking for reassurance.

"Yes I do. Now put yourself together and be ready."

Within minutes there was a knock at the door. Deeks stood to open it but Eric was quick. He opened the door and saw the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in life which brought a hug smile to his face. He didn't know what to do… should he hug her or give her a handshake? Before he could do anything she walked in and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. He relaxed at that, but they were parted by Monty barking like he sensed that his Dad was in there. He ran inside and Nell dropped his leash.

"Come on in, Deeks is inside." Eric invited.

When they entered the living room Monty was in Deeks' lap licking his hand and Deeks was scratching behind the dog's ears. "You missed me boy? I missed you so much. Good boy." Deeks murmured to him, which made Nell and Eric laugh at the sight before them.

"He missed you so much, I always talked to him about you but he couldn't sit or sleep if he didn't hear your name." Nell explained.

"I missed him too." Deeks said before standing up. Nell gave him a light hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"So how are you?" She asked.

"I'm good. The doctor allowed me to be at home as long as I didn't do anything stupid, and like you see, I'm healing."

"Good to hear that because we want you at work as soon as you can." She said with a smile.

"Well about that, I was going to talk to Hetty tomorrow and see if she'd let me go back to work on desk duty for a few hours to do paperwork.

Nell glanced over at Eric, who was staring at her. He gave her a small smile and that was the sign to Deeks that they need to talk alone.

"Okay, so I'm gonna go and give Monty a walk and catch up with him while you two have your talk." Deeks said, taking the leash in his hand and signaling to Monty that they were going out. Monty jumped in happiness and ran to the door before disappearing outside with Deeks.

"Okay, before we have out talk I need to tell you something about Deeks okay? But you can never mention it to Deeks or anyone, not even Hetty. He will kill me if he knows that I told you." Eric said seriously.

"Okay… you are starting to scare me here." Nell said, worried at what he would say.

"You have to promise me that you won't tell anyone okay? And then if you want to have our talk we will, and if you don't I will understand." Eric said, confirming her worries.

"Okay I promise not to tell anyone, but no matter what I want to have our talk."

"Well, you remember when we all visited Deeks in the hospital before his dental surgery." Nell nodded. "Apparently Deeks and Kensi had a fight the day before that and then left to deal with Jack and left him. Then Callen and Deeks had some issue in front of us about Sam visiting Deeks, so both of them (Kensi and Callen), haven't visited him since then. The only one who did visit him was Hetty, before she went to D.C. and before she gave us vacation time. I went to see Deeks in the hospital only to find out that at the time no one had visited him and he was alone, having nightmares, in so much pain and no one was there for him."

"Oh my God, poor Deeks!" Nell exclaimed, putting her hand over her mouth and almost crying.

"I stayed with him and told him about Kensi and Jack—but I didn't tell him that they were together, I told him that she wanted to help him—and he just gave an excuse for her and brushed off her not coming to visit… but the worst thing was a week ago, when Deeks and I were at the beach, Jack showed up and told Deeks they he and Kensi are together and started to upset Deeks and… that's when I punched him in the face." Eric explained.

"You did what?" She asked.

"Yeah well, after he told Deeks that he and Kensi are together Deeks gave him the speech, the "if you hurt her" one, and at that he Jack started to get offended and Deeks was going to lose control so I told Jack to stop and when he didn't I punched him to shut him up."

"Well that's too much information to deal with, especially after everything else Deeks has gone through lately. How is he dealing with it all?" She asked, worried about the Detective.

"Like always, keeping everything inside and not letting anyone see it. He's still have nightmares."

"He's dealing with a lot right now. He's going to need help because it's going to be very hard on him. He doesn't deserve all this." Nell said, very upset at Deeks' situation and how the rest of the team was dealing with him.

"I know, but like I told you Nell, never ever mention this to anyone okay?" Eric said again.

Nell nodded, understanding, though she wasn't sure if she agreed with it.


	21. Chapter 21

After half an hour, which felt like an eternity due to the silence that permeated the room after Eric told Nell what was up with Deeks. She was processing all of the new information she had just been given, but broke the silence and asked, somewhat worriedly, "So… what did you… want to talk to me about?" She tried to sound completely normal.

The question pulled Eric from his thoughts. "Oh. Yeah… right… about… hmmm… the thing is… it's just…" Eric stammered, not knowing how to formulate one sentence. He was beyond nervous.

"Eric, look at me. Just relax and say what you want to me." Nell interrupted, forcing him to look at her and encouraging him to calm down.

"Okay." He took a deep breath and continued. "The situation is that I want to talk to you about… that I… care about you very much, and I have feelings for you, and I kind of hope that you feel the same about me." Eric blurted.

"Wow, that's…" Nell started, but Eric sensed hesitation in her voice and jumped in. "If you don't feel the same I'll understand. It's just with everything happening here, and with what happened between Deeks and Kensi, Deeks actually told me that they didn't say anything to each other and look where it got them. I don't want that to happen to you and me so it got me thinking that I should tell you everything so that I don't regret it in the future. If you—." Eric didn't complete his sentence because he felt the warmth of Nell's hands around his neck, pulling him into a long, deep kiss full of passion and love.

"Eric, I do have feelings for you. I'm so madly in love with you. It was your behavior that made me confused sometimes, I felt that you had something for me but sometimes you made me feel that you didn't care about me and that kept me from telling you how I felt because I knew that if I told you and you didn't feel the same way that it would destroy our working partnership… and I didn't want to lose you Eric, but I'm so happy now and nothing will change that." She finished breathlessly after pulling away from their kiss. She tried to convey all that she was feeling and all that she had felt and why she hadn't told him in the past.

Eric was stunned by her response; he just couldn't believe that she was in love with him. He put his hands over her cheeks, cupping them, and captured her lips with his in a slow kiss. When he pulled back he whispered to her, "I love you too and I'm always gonna be in love with you, there is no way anything will destroy what we have." Eric assured her before kissing the top of her head.

When Deeks returned Nell was already gone so Deeks was afraid that it hadn't worked out between them. "Hey, where's Nell?" Deeks asked when he saw Eric sitting on the couch.

"Well, we talked and she left." He replied with a serious face, trying to mess around with Deeks.

"What do you mean she left? You're supposed to be together now." Deeks stated.

"I told her that I loved her and she left."

Eric's voice sounded so broken Deeks didn't know what to do. He blamed himself because it had been his idea for Eric to tell her how he felt. "That's it? She just left without saying anything?" Deeks was slightly upset with Nell, he couldn't figure out why she would do that to Eric… Deeks knew firsthand how that felt.

"Except for the fact that," Eric continued, "She kissed me and told me that she is in love with me, nothing happened." He couldn't let the charade go on when he saw the disappointment on Deeks' face.

"Hmmm I'm sorry for that man." Deeks said before registering what he'd just heard. "What? Wait a minute! She told you she loves you?" Deeks almost shouted.

"Yeah she did." Eric said with a huge smile on his face.

"She told you that and you decided to play with me? You bastard I'm gonna kill you!" Deeks said, walking towards him.

Eric raced to the bathroom and closed the door behind him. "Sorry! I couldn't help it! You should've seen your face, it was hilarious!" Eric shouted from the bathroom, laughing.

"I will kill you! I was fooled by the sad look on your face; I thought that she rejected you, you bastard. You are soooo dead." Deeks said, laughing too.

Deciding it was safe Eric opened the door and walked out, raising his hands in surrender. "I'm sorry man." He was still grinning.

"Don't worry about that, congratulations buddy! Don't screw it up." Deeks told him, giving him a bro hug.

"Thanks man, and I won't. It's the best thing that has happened in my life."

"So if you are together now, where did she go?" Deeks asked, confused at her leaving.

"Well she just got here after a long trip and headed straight here so she needed to go home and unpack and get some rest. I will see her tomorrow after work." Eric explained.

"Wow. That's nice. I'm happy for you two, now maybe we two should call it a night, you have work tomorrow after all." Deeks bid good night and walked to his room.

"Good night." Eric called, heading to his room too.

The next day was the first time since the Sidorov case that the whole team was in the bullpen… except for Deeks: he was the only one missing. Even Sam was back on desk duty, he was doing fine with the help of Nate.

The bullpen was full of silence that no one dared break until Hetty walked in. "Mr. Hanna how are you doing?" Hetty inquired, looking directly at the Agent.

"Everything's fine Hetty. I'm physically healed, I just need to work out some and I'm working with Nate on the mental health." Sam replied.

"That's wonderful Mr. Hanna because I need you to be back as soon as possible." Hetty told him before turning to Kensi. "Ms. Blye could you follow me to my office?" Hetty did not wait for a reply before walking to her desk. Kensi stood up and followed.

"Have a seat Ms. Blye." Hetty motioned to the chair before pouring two cups of tea and handing one to her Agent. "How are you Ms. Blye?"

"I'm fine Hetty." She answered, sipping from her tea cup.

"And how is Mr. Roland?"

When Hetty asked Kensi tensed. She sensed that Hetty knew that something had happened, but then again, of course she would know: she was Hetty. "He is doing well. He's started to go out by himself now."

"Look at me Ms. Blye, don't think I don't know what is happening to my agents even if I was out of the state. I know everything. I just wanted to ask how it is going between you two." Hetty said, trapping Kensi in a corner.

"It's just complicated between us two and I don't know what's going on." She fidgeted.

"It's simple Ms. Blye: what do you want?" Hetty asked in a low voice.

"I don't know what I want Hetty, I need some time to figure it out."

"Well you need to figure it out quickly before something bad happens."

"What do you mean Hetty?" Kensi asked, confused.

"I am going to tell you, Kensi, what you once told me… after that it is up to you. 'You don't know how lucky you are to have someone until you realize you might lose him.' I want you to make your choice before you don't have the chance… That's all, you can go back to your work." Hetty dismissed her.

Kensi stood up and returned to her desk. No one was there so she headed to the firing range.

Ten minutes later Deeks stood at the door of the Mission not knowing if he should walk in or not. He knew he would have to face everyone he knows sooner or later and deal with them so he decided that sooner was better than later. He entered the Mission and headed to the bullpen. Relief flooded him when he found it empty and instead he headed to Hetty's office.

"Mr. Deeks, what are you doing here?" Hetty asked, surprised when she lifted her head from the papers she was working on to find the Detective standing in front of her.

"Hi Hetty." Deeks greeted.

"That didn't answer my question Mr. Deeks, you are supposed to have recovery time."

"I needed to talk to you."

"Before that, how are you doing Mr. Deeks?"

"Well like you see the bruises are fading and almost not there anymore. My ribs are healing and the doctors say that I need some time with no hard work but that I'll be back to normal in no time."

"And what about your session with Mr. Getz?" She asked, knowing full well that he hadn't talked with the Psychologist and she was concerned by that fact.

"He visited me last week but I wasn't in good enough shape to talk to him so he will talk to me next week."

"Well I'm fine with that, but now, why are you here Mr. Deeks?" Hetty asked him again.

"I'm kind of feeling bored at home." Deeks confessed.

"And what do you want me to do Mr. Deeks?"

"I was hoping that you could let me come here and do some work for just a couple of hours." Deeks said in a hopeful tone.

"I can do that, if that's what you want Mr. Deeks, but just for a few hours daily and only paper work. Are we clear?" Hetty said firmly.

He was very happy at that because he wouldn't have to spend all the time alone in his apartment. "Thank you Hetty, I'll start tomorrow if you don't mind." When she nodded he turned to leave.

As he was walking by the bullpen he overheard Callen talking to Sam. "Well I don't know what happened between you there but you need to work it out. And what happened there in the warehouse should be good for him; he needs to man up and be more serious and drop all of these childish behaviors."

Unobserved Deeks walked out of the Mission, hands clenched in anger. He was about to start his car when Eric appeared and knocked on the glass. Deeks rolled down the window. "Hey Eric." Deeks said, trying to calm down.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Eric asked.

"I came to talk to Hetty so I could get back to desk duty. She told me I could start tomorrow."

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Eric asked, concerned because he had seen what Deeks had overheard of Sam and Callen's conversation. He had seen how it had affected the Detective.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I need to do this so I can be back as soon as possible." Deeks said, putting a fake smile on his face.

"Okay, if that's what you want then I guess I will see you this evening." Eric said farewell then turned and headed back to the Mission.

Deeks started his car and headed home. On the way he started thinking about what Callen had said and everything that had happened between him and Sam. Sam had called him weak, Callen thought he was childish, and Kensi had rejected him. How could he go back to work with them if that was the way they thought about him? He was willing to leave them all except he couldn't do that to Kensi; not after what had happened to her in the past, the way she felt everyone left her. He promised himself that he would keep her safe; that he would always have her back, and he intended to keep that promise… even if no one believed in him.


	22. Chapter 22

When everyone returned to the bullpen Hetty approached them and cleared her throat, waiting until all eyes were upon her before speaking. "I had a visit this morning from Mr. Deeks."

All of them were surprised to hear that Deeks had come in and no one had seen him, nor had he said hi to any of them. They were confused as to why he would have come. "Deeks was here!?" All of them questioned at the same time.

"Yes. He came to see me this morning." Hetty answered.

"Why didn't he come to see us? Or at least say hi?" Callen asked, annoyed at Deeks' behavior.

Kensi was surprised the most by the fact he had come, but she wasn't shocked to find out that he hadn't said anything to anyone.

Eric was about to say why Deeks left without greeting anyone but was interrupted by Hetty. "I don't know Mr. Callen, he came and asked me for something and then left."

"And what did he want?" Callen asked when no one else spoke up.

"Well, it was quite a surprise to me—I didn't expect him here so soon—but he came asking if he could get back to work on desk duty: nothing more." Hetty explained.

They all looked at her with open mouths: how could he come back to work so soon? They didn't feel he was ready yet.

"What do you mean he wants to come back to work Hetty? Even if it's on desk duty he is still healing; he needs more time, he shouldn't do this right now." Kensi cautioned, concerned. She knew what he was doing; he was trying to show everybody that he was fine when he clearly wasn't.

"He came to ask if he could do some paperwork for a couple of hours, that's all."

"And what did you tell him?" Sam asked, speaking up for the first time.

"I accepted hi request and he told me that he will be here tomorrow morning. I think it will help him deal with everything he has been through."

Sam was relieved at that because finally he would have the chance to talk to the Detective and get the guilt off of his chest. With that Hetty left them for her office. The others looked at each other for a moment before returning to their work.

The next day came in the blink of an eye. The team was sitting in their chairs when at 11 a.m. Deeks entered the Mission and walked to the bullpen.

"Good morning everybody." Deeks said with a smile on his face.

Everyone stared at him: he looked just like the old Deeks, though everyone knew that it was a cover to hide behind.

"Good morning." Callen and Sam greeted him. Kensi didn't say anything… she didn't know what to say. Deeks noticed this but decided to let it go.

When Deeks sat at his desk Sam was about to start talking but was pre-empted by Callen asking Deeks, "Hey, how are you man?"

Deeks wanted to snap at the Agent (after everything he had said he had the guts to ask that?), but took a deep breath instead and said, "I'm fine." He directed his gaze to his desk because he knew Kensi was staring at him and he didn't want to have any discussion about his health with anyone in this room. He started going through the paperwork on his desk and ignored them.

"Hey Deeks." Sam murmured in a low voice meant only for Deeks.

Deeks didn't like where he knew Sam was heading so he spoke up, trying to send a message that he was not in the mood for talking. "I'm trying to work here, Sam."

Sam stopped talking and Deeks noticed from the corner of his eye that Kensi was not happy about that.

After half an hour Kensi grew sick of the situation. Deeks was ignoring her, and, actually, everyone was ignoring her. Deeks noticed this too, that Sam and Callen were not looking at her, nor chatting with her and instead were sharing occasional looks between themselves.

Deeks mentally slapped himself for what he was about to do… he was about to speak to her but she stood up and walked to the gym before he could.

"What's wrong guys?" Deeks asked, confused at the situation he found between the two men and Kensi.

"Oh, so you want to talk now?" Callen said with sarcasm.

"I don't want to talk about anything now, it's just that both of you are ignoring Kensi. Why is that?"

"What do you mean?" Sam asked.

"Please Sam, I noticed no one looked at her, you didn't even give her any attention. So… why is that?"Deeks asked again, offended that Sam would question him and think that he hadn't noticed the way they were acting around Kensi.

"Well, something happened between us a couple of weeks ago and the tension is still in the air." Sam answered, not telling him that it had something to do with her being with Jack and not with Deeks because he didn't think Deeks knew about the other man.

"Oh, I see. So this is about her relationship with Jack, and you have been paying no attention to her since then?" Deeks demanded angrily. Mad at what they had done to her. He didn't like her reunion with Jack, but if she was happy then he would support her one hundred percent: no matter what.

"Wait a minute. How do you know about that?" Callen asked him with concern.

"It doesn't matter how I know that, what does matter is that you are leaving her alone when she needs you to back her up!" He yelled, loud enough for many people to hear him. He clenched his fists, furious because it reminded him of what had happened to him: how no one had been there when he needed them.

"Because she wasn't doing the right thing! She was feeling guilty and how she's not thinking right." Callen answered.

"That's not your call Callen, it's her life; she is the one who gets to decide what she wants to, or not to, do." Deeks said.

Eric and Nell watched from upstairs and Hetty walked into the bullpen. Nell pulled out her phone and typed 'emergency bullpen now' and sent it to Kensi.

"So you are okay with that Deeks?" Callen asked in a cold voice.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Deeks asked.

"Because you are in love with her man! And she is in love with you! And like I said she isn't thinking right at the moment." Callen responded in a louder voice.

"Okay, I love her, but she picked him and if that makes her happy then I will support her one hundred percent." Deeks paused for a second to gather his breath, but at that moment Kensi entered the bullpen.

She looked confusedly between Sam and Callen, both of whom were angry, and Deeks, who was furious and tired looking. Hetty was expressionless, and Eric and Nell were obviously scared from their perch up on the balcony.

Deeks continued as Kensi focused on him. "We should support her. And you, both of you, should be ashamed of yourselves for doing that to her. She considers you two her big brothers; you can't control her life, you should be there for her when she makes decisions, even if you don't like them, even if they eventually hurt her… we should be there for her. We should be helping her, not judging her… you should keep that in mind." With that Deeks got back to his work, breaking eye contact and leaving everyone shocked and staring at him. Deeks never lifted his eyes from his work.

After a little while, which felt like Hell to Kensi, she ran to the women's rest room. Nell followed and the rest got back to their work except for Sam, who stood leaning on Deeks' desk. "Deeks, we need to talk."

Deeks' gaze snapped up and he yelled, "Sam, I told you I don't want to talk about this! Why can't you leave it there? You want to clear you conscience? Look at me, I'm going through Hell and I can't deal with your crap right now."

"Enough, everyone! Just enough! Now is not the right time to deal with all of this." Hetty yelled, interrupting them.

"I'm sorry Hetty, I thought I could do this but apparently I can't. I need more time. I caused a big mess here so I'm just gonna go and come back when I'm fully healed." Deeks apologized, gathering his things and walking out of the Mission, leaving a trail of open mouths behind him.

In the women's restroom Kensi was leaning against the wall with her knees pulled to her chest, crying loudly. Although she hadn't heard all that had transpired there, she knew that Deeks was defending her in front of them; he was having her back when they weren't. But what hurt her the most was how he did that even after what she had done to him. When she broke his heart and slept with Jack… that's when it hit her: how did he know about Jack? Who told him? And then she began thinking that if he knew about Jack, then what he was saying in the bullpen indicated that he thought they were having a relationship. 'Oh my God,' she thought, 'that probably destroyed him. I left him to be with Jack… oh my God what have I done to him. And he was still defending me! He was there for me when I wasn't there for him… even when he needed me the most.'

Her thoughts were interrupted by Nell asking, "Hey there. Are you okay?"

"No, I feel horrible. Did you see what he was doing for me? And I didn't do anything for him except hurt him. How could I have been so selfish?" Kensi sobbed.

"Well I don't know what to tell you Kensi… I'm sorry to say it Kensi, but, you broke him." Nell said bluntly. She couldn't' say anything to make the Agent feel better because Nell knew she was wrong and had made a big mistake and she wanted the other woman to see that.

"I know that, but what happened there between them?" Kensi asked, wanting to know what had happened in the bullpen before she arrived.

"Actually, I don't know. Eric and I were working in Ops when we heard Deeks shouting so we rushed to see what was happening. It was like they were talking about your relationship with Jack, Callen and Sam said that you weren't thinking, and Deeks told them that that's not their choice to make, that it's your life not theirs, and that if you are happy then they should support you all the way. Callen said that you and Deeks are in love but that you aren't thinking right, but Deeks told him that yes, he loves you, but he knows you picked Jack and made it clear what you want and that he will support you… that's when you showed up." Nell filled Kensi in on what she'd missed, which only brought more tears from Kensi. Nell sat down beside her and rubbed her shoulders trying to relax her.

After ten minutes the tears stopped and Kensi started to pull herself together. She washed her face and, after freshening herself, she knew what she had to do. "I have to talk to Deeks." She said, before walking out of the room, heading to the bullpen… but Deeks wasn't there.

Sam noticed her. "Hen Kens, I wa—." He didn't get a chance to complete his sentence.

"I don't want to talk right now, where is Deeks?" She interrupted in a cold tone.

"He left, but we need to talk." Callen told her.

"Not now. And what do you mean he left?" She demanded, upset.

"I don't know, he said that he isn't ready to work yet and needs more time and then took his bag and left." Callen answered, and, before he could say anything else, she grabbed her keys and rushed out the door.


	23. Chapter 23

While Deeks was driving home his thoughts drifted to what happened at the Mission. He knew that they were going to come after him to talk and try to resolve everything, and he was too mad to do that right now; he needed to relax and stay away from everyone so he grabbed his phone and hit speed dial.

"Hi—." Eric picked up but Deeks cut him off.

"Don't let anyone know that you're talking to me."

"Okay, just let me get to my computer." Eric agreed, walking back to Ops nonchalantly.

"We're clear?" Deeks inquired.

"Yeah, what's going on?" Eric asked, confused at the whole yelling match that had gone down earlier.

"Nothing important, I just need to get away from everybody and I know if I head home they'll find me, so I need to stay at your place for tonight… could you do that for me?"

"Okay, that's fine, but how are you gonna enter the apartment: it's locked and I have the key with me." Eric told him.

"Is there any kind of alarm?" Deeks asked.

"No, there's none."

"Then if I pick the lock nothing's gonna pop out or electrocute me?"

"Ah, okay. You can pick the lock, nothing will happen to you." Eric assured him.

"Them I'm heading there, powering the phone off, and disabling the GPS on the car. If I need you I'll call you from your apartment phone."

"Okay, I'll see you after work." With that Eric hung up the phone and went to see what was going on in the bullpen between the others. They were standing in silence until Hetty broke it.

"What was that bout Mr. Callen, Mr. Hanna?" Hetty asked, in a tone that indicated that she was starting to get angry and was ready for answers.

"Well we were talking about Kensi's relationship with Jack, thinking he would be on our side, but he snapped and got angry at us when he learned we hadn't supported her and still aren't." Callen explained.

"But I specifically ordered you to help her with that and be there for her because she couldn't do that all alone. If she has any feelings for him that's her life and we can't interfere! She is a grown woman and can take care of herself." Hetty's tone grew louder than she intended it to.

"We know that Hetty, but we thought—." Sam couldn't continue because he was cut off by Hetty.

"Mr. Hanna do you think that I don't know the feelings between them? I was the person most shocked when I found out what was going on between her and Jack, I thought she and Deeks were the perfect match—I still do—but if she thinks differently then we can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to. Mr. Deeks made it clear what you should have done, and he is right in every single way; you both should be ashamed of what you've done to her and you should pray that nothing irreversible has happened." Hetty reprimanded them, anger evident in her voice, before she turned and walked back to her office. She was angry but also guilty because she hadn't known what was going on between her agents while she was away when they needed her the most. Now all that she was thinking about was what had happened, and she worried about the affect it would have on the team, particularly Deeks and Kensi.

When Deeks arrived at Eric's apartment he hid his car in the building parking lot then headed to the apartment door. Picking the lock he entered and walked directly to the couch, collapsed on it, and in no time was asleep.

Kensi pulled up to Deeks' apartment and immediately noticed his car was absent. She walked to his door and knocked. "Deeks open the door we need to talk." She called… but there was no answer. She kept knocking, harder every time. "Deeks open the damn door." She yelled.

She heard Monty barking, then one of Deeks neighbors walked out of his apartment and asked, "Hey, can I help you with something?"

"I was looking for Deeks." Kensi replied.

"He left this morning and he hasn't come back yet." The man answered.

"Thanks." Kensi told him before he returned to his apartment. When he was gone Kensi unlocked the door and walked in, greeted by an extremely happy Monty. She knelt down beside him and scratched behind his ears. "Good boy! I missed you so much, did you miss me?"

She stood up and looked around the apartment: there was no sign that Deeks was anywhere. She tried to call him but his cell was off. She checked on Monty again before walking out and heading to her car.

She started to think about where Deeks might go; she looked at his favorite place on the beach, she went to the LAPD and asked for him, she even drove her car around the city trying to spot him, but to no avail.

She called Nell.

"Hey Kensi, how are you?" Nell asked, worried about her best friend.

"I'm fine, but I need you to find Deeks for me."

"What? You didn't find him?"

"No. I looked at everyplace he could be but got nothing." She replied, disappointment bleeding through her voice.

"Okay, just give me a minute." Nell said while tapping on her keyboard. "Hmmm."

"What's wrong Nell?"

"Well his cell phone is off and when I tried to locate his car it looks like the GPS has been disabled. That's weird."

"Damn. He doesn't want us to find him. Okay Nell, can you track hi car on the traffic cameras?"

"I'll try but it'll take some time."

"Okay, thank Nell. If anything comes up just call me." Kensi said before hanging up. She started her car and headed back to Deeks' apartment hoping maybe she'd find him there. As soon as she arrived she knew he wasn't there, so she walked unlocked it, walked inside, and sat on the couch to wait for him.

At Eric's apartment…

Eric arrived at the front door to his apartment and was greeted by screaming coming from within. He knew who it was; Deeks was having a nightmare. He quickly opened the door and rushed to the living room where he saw Deeks asleep on the couch, screaming. He went closer and started to call to the Detective. When he didn't get a response he shook the dreaming man: Deeks woke up immediately and his arms flew into the air, hitting Eric right in the face. Deeks flinched and leapt up, not recognizing where he was, and started to back off until he was leaning against the wall.

Eric was wincing in pain lying on the floor. When he stood up and saw where Deeks was and that he was clearly frightened he tried to sooth him. "Calm down Deeks, it's just me, Eric. Calm down."

When Deeks' brain finally caught up with him, his eyes focused on Eric. "Oh my God Eric, I'm so sorry man, I didn't mean to do that." Deeks apologized in a guilt ridden voice. "Sit down." He told him before walking to the kitchen and grabbing an ice pack to put on Eric's face.

"Don't worry about it Deeks, it's okay." Eric reassured him, taking the ice pack.

"No it's not okay. I just hit you in the face." Deeks lamented. "But I told you Eric, when I'm having a nightmare don't be so close to me when you wake me up because when I do I'm someone else; I don't know myself."

"It's okay Deeks, don't worry about it man, but Nell and Kensi are looking for you and I don't think it will take Nell long to track your car here." Eric informed Deeks, changing the subject.

"Damn. Couldn't you convince her not to do that?"

"Well you know how it is between Nell and Kensi: I barely convinced her not to talk to Kensi about what happened to you." Eric said, but when he noticed the glare that Deeks gave him he realized he'd slipped up.

"What do you mean by that Eric?" Deeks asked, suspicious.

"Well… after you left us to have our talk I told her everything that happened to you, before we had our conversation." Eric told him nervously, afraid at what his reaction might be.

"Everything?"

"Everything." He confirmed.

"Why would you do that?" Deeks asked, unsure.

"Well after what happened with Jack at the beach it was awkward between us and I simply couldn't talk to Nell about my feelings when I had all that hanging over my head. I needed to tell someone… so I told Nell before we talked… that's all." Eric clarified.

"And you're sure that Nell won't tell Kensi about Jack and what happened between us at the beach?" Deeks asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I'm sure." Eric assured him.

"Good, cause I need you to do me a favor… and this time no one can know about this, are we clear?" Deeks said dead seriously.

"Okay… you're starting to scare me here but I'll do what I can."

I need a sheet of paper, an envelope, and a pen."

Eric willingly brought the items requested. Deeks took them and started to write. When he had finished he put the paper in the envelope and Eric. When the Tech Operator noticed what Deeks had put on the paper he was shocked. "Deeks, what are you doing?" He was very worried at what Deeks' response was going to be.

"Just do what I tell you to do when I tell you to do it, please. Keep this with you and don't show it to anyone okay?"

"Okay, but where are you going now?" Eric asked him, because he knew Deeks couldn't go to his own apartment.

"These are the keys to my car—it's in the parking lot. I will take a cab to apartment, see if anyone is there, and if not I'll get a few things I need then crash at a hotel for tonight. Tomorrow I'll figure out what I'm going to do." He replied, tossing Eric the keys.

"And what should I tell them when they come here?" Eric inquired.

"I don't know, lie. Just don't tell them what I'm doing."

"Okay, then I guess I'll see you around." Eric gave him a bro hug, and with that, Deeks left the apartment.

When the cab dropped Deeks at his apartment he saw that Kensi's car was there. He waited for her to leave, hoping it would be soon, because he had begun to feel a killer pain in his ribs and he needed his medicine as soon as possible.

Nell was still in Ops trying to track Deeks' car. She was relieved when Eric left because she knew that he would stop her from doing what she was. She started typing again and then her typing stopped and her jaw dropped… she had found it. She thought 'What the Hell?' His car was in the parking lot of Eric's place. Connecting the dots, she dialed Kensi.

Nell, did you find him?" Kensi asked before Nell could say anything.

"Yes I did." Nell answered.

"Where is he?" Kensi begged her to talk.

"Well it seems that his car is at Eric's place, so I think he's staying with him."

"Eric's place… what's he doing there?" Kensi asked, confused.

"I don't know." Nell lied, because she had promised Eric and you don't break a promise to the person who just admitted he loved you.

"Okay, thank Nell. I owe you." Kensi rushed out of Deeks' apartment to her car and sped to Eric's place as fast as she could.

When she left Deeks ran towards his apartment but immediately regretted it when the shock of his feet hitting the pavement traveled up his legs and into his ribs. He stopped and continued carefully and slowly. He got to his door and went to the kitchen, took two pain killers, and went to his bedroom to pack; it looked like he was packing enough for a long trip.

After he finished he checked on Mont. He rubbed his fur for a couple of minutes before murmuring, "I'm gonna miss you buddy."

Monty whined like he knew what his daddy was going to do, but Deeks left all the same. He hailed a cab and drove away from his home.


	24. Chapter 24

Kensi arrived at Eric's and sprinted to the elevator. When she reached his door she pounded on it and prepared herself for the big moment. When Eric opened it she passed him without permission and looked around inside.

"Hello Kensi." Eric said, trying to sound confused at her behavior, as if he didn't know what she was doing.

"Where is he Eric?" She asked in a hard tone.

"Where is who?" Eric acted dumb.

"I'm not in the mood Eric, so don't play with me. Where's. Deeks?" She demanded.

"He's not here." Eric answered.

"What do you mean he's not here? Don't lie to me Eric! Nell tracked his car to your place, so where is he?" She nearly yelled.

He could tell she was quite upset but he didn't want to betray Deeks. "Well he was here, but he's not here now."

That's when she noticed the bruise on his face and her worry intensified. "Oh my God, what happened to you Eric?"

"I came here and when I walked into the living room I saw Deeks sleeping on the couch. I wasn't expecting him so I freaked out and fell, hitting my face on the armchair there. That's all." Eric lied. He knew it was a weak lie but he was counting on Kensi's distraction not to call it out. He almost wanted to tell her the truth, just to make her feel guilty, but he couldn't do that to Deeks.

"Okay. Now where did he go?" Kensi asked him again.

"I don't know. When he woke up he gave me the keys to his car and then left." Eric explained.

"And he didn't say where he was going?" Eric shook his head no. With nothing more to do Kensi left Eric's apartment and returned to Deeks' apartment to wait for him there.

The cab dropped Deeks at a small rent by the hour motel. He approached the man at the reception desk. He looked dirty and smelled… he pretty much reflected the condition of the motel. All of that didn't matter to Deeks, he just wanted a place to rest until morning. He told the man that he needed a room until the morning and gave him some cash, but the man refused, saying it was exclusively a rent by the hour place. Deeks showed the man his badge and told him he just needed to stay till the morning. At the sight of the L.A.P.D. badge the man panicked, but Deeks quickly assured him that he didn't want anything to do with what the motel man did, he just wanted a room. The man nodded in agreement and handed the Detective a key.

In Deeks' apartment Kensi was sitting with Monty on her lap, who was whining. She was staring off into space, her finger mindlessly combing through Monty's fur, in her own little world.

She was pulled from that place when her phone rang. She saw the caller ID and hesitated before answering. "Yes Jack?" She said in a voice devoid of emotion.

"Hey Kens, where are you? It's late and you haven't come back yet." Jack's voice was full of worry and fear that something had happened to her.

"I'm still at work; we're working late and I don't know when I'm gonna be back." She answered.

"Okay, just be careful." Jack said, sounding hurt that she hadn't called sooner.

"I can take care of myself. Do you need anything?" She asked, trying to end the call as soon as possible, hoping that Deeks would call.

"No, I'm good. I'll see you later."

Kensi hung up and let her mind wander back to the place it had been before. Without even realizing it she fell asleep a short while later.

Deeks on the other hand couldn't get himself to sleep for the life of him. He kept thinking about what he'd done and how he possibly could have done that… after everything she'd been through. But he finally decided he couldn't take it anymore; he'd thought he could, but he couldn't: this was the only solution he could think of that would harm the others less than it would to him.

He tried to occupy his mind with thoughts other than her, but the only two things that would do that job were worse, and neither of them were going to make his night easy.

His mind couldn't choose: his thoughts focused first on the day he was cuffed to a chair being tortured by Sidorov, and then his thoughts dredged up a long buried memory of a night when he was a kid and his father was on the rampage. The combination of these to memories made him feel sick and he walked to the bathroom as fast as he could and threw up everything that had been in his stomach (there hadn't been much).

He knew it was a bad idea to think of those two painful times, so he forced his mind to drift to the beach: he was surfing and Monty was playing on the beach with someone he couldn't quite make out. As he focused on the figure it suddenly snapped into focus: Kensi. He was jolted out of his thoughts immediately. "Shit." He mumbled to himself, "Why can't she leave me alone?" He asked the empty space in his dismal room.

With thoughts of his father, mother, Sidorov and Kensi, going through his head, morning couldn't come soon enough. Eventually it did and, relieved, he grabbed his bags, left the room, and returned the key to the man, leaving the motel for good.

Kensi woke to the sound of her phone. She looked at the ID and saw that it was Callen; after what had happened yesterday she wasn't in the mood to talk to him so she ignored the call. She looked around, confused for a moment at where she was, but she quickly recognized Deeks' apartment. She stood up and walked to the bathroom to freshen herself, before going to the kitchen and making some coffee.

Even though it was morning, the L.A.P.D. center was very crowded. It didn't concern Deeks, though, as he walked towards his desk. It was rather dusty since it had been ages since he had been there. He dropped his bags and walked directly to Bates' office, ignoring the looks from the other officers, and knocked on the door.

"Come on in." Bates called from within.

At that Deeks opened the door and walked in.

When Bates saw him he started in surprise. "Marty Deeks, what a pleasure to see you here!" He stood and gave the Detective a handshake.

"It's good to be here." Deeks answered.

"Well, how are you? You know… after what happened?" Bates asked, worried about the other man.

"I'm fine. Really fine." Deeks tried to reassure him.

But Bates was too smart to be tricked, he knew that there was something wrong with his Detective but decided to let it go for now. "So what are you doing here?" Bates asked.

"I need you to do something for me." Deeks answered his confused boss.

"And what's that?"

"Well, I resigned from my position as Liaison Officer for the N.C.I.S. office, but the resignation paper hasn't arrived yet. I need you to assign me on a long undercover operation." Deeks finished.

"What are you talking about? Are you serious?" Bates asked, shocked and confused at what Deeks was asking him to do.

"Yeah I am. And I want you to find me an undercover operation as soon as possible." Deeks said, deadly serious.

"Okay, I can get you resigned from your position over there, but what makes you think I will let you go undercover in this state?" Bates practically yelled because he felt like Deeks was trying to kill himself.

"Look at me Bates, I can't go on like this! I need to get out of this atmosphere that's suffocating me. I don't think I can handle it much longer so I need you to do this for me so that I can save myself the only way I know how!" Deeks said desperately. "The only way to get back to the old me is by doing this." He clarified in an undertone.

"And how are you going to be safe out there all alone? What if you lose yourself? What are you going to do then hunh?" Bates tried to convince Deeks not to do this.

"Bates, I'm the best at this and you know it. If I go into an alias you know that I will be a new person, and that's what I need right now; to get away from this." Deeks said, pointing to himself.

"But Deeks…"

Bates was cut off. "Look, if you don't do this for me then I'll do what I didn't do before." Deeks said with finality, pulling his badge out from his pocked and putting it on Bates' desk.

"Are you insane? Take it back!" Bates ordered. Deeks obliged. Running his hand through his hair Bates blew out a breath. "Okay, but all of the undercover assignments we have are short, we don't have a long one."

"You have to help me Bates, I need to be out of here for some time." Deeks nearly begged him.

"Well… there is one… but it's not L.A.P.D. related."

"Okay, who is heading it?"

"The C.I.A. they called me a week ago and asked if I knew anyone capable of it." Bates answered.

"What's it about and how long would it be for?" Deeks was interested.

"It concerns a Serbian gang with human, arms, and drug trafficking. It's going to be very dangerous and it's for at least four months.

"That sounds good. I'll take it. Call them and tell them you have the man they need; I'll be ready to go today." Deeks told him before starting to leave. He turned to Bates again and added, "Oh, by the way. After I leave send a note to Hetty telling her that you sent me on a four month undercover operation okay?"

"But you said you resigned from there. Why should I do that?"

"Because like I said, they don't know that yet. And don't mention it in the paper you send." Deeks explained.

"Just wait a minute, I'll call the C.I.A. and see when they need you." He made the phone call and, after he'd finished, looked at Deeks. "I guess you are lucky; they need you to be in D.C. today. They're working on your flight and I'll send them your information and a number to contact you with. I'll get the papers ready to send to Hetty tomorrow."

"I don't have a cell phone." Deeks informed him.

"That's not a problem, I'll let the guys get you a new one and we will work it out. Now go get ready for the flight."

"I already am." With that Deeks left Bates' office and headed out of the station to a pay phone where he called Eric. He asked him to take care of Monty while he was away and told him that he would send a message from his new cell phone when he got it.

Two hours later Deeks' papers and tickets were ready and one of the men from an L.A.P.D. unit gave him a ride to the airport where he got on a plane heading to D.C.

At Ops Eric was fidgety. He didn't know what to do: go to Hetty and tell her what Deeks was doing? Or tell Kensi where he was and maybe she could convince him to change his mind? Or tell the others and have them force Deeks to stop this? But, he decided he couldn't do any of these because Deeks trusted him on this and needed him to stay quiet. Whatever happens he knew he couldn't betray the Detective.

That's when Nell entered Ops. She smiled as soon as she saw him, but he was looking at the floor. "Hey there." She said, the huge smile still on her face.

When he looked up at her, a smile spread to his face as well; he was very happy to see her.

But, now that he was looking directly at her, Nell could see his face properly and she immediately noticed the blue bruise. "Oh my God! Eric, what happened to you?" She asked, her voice full of concern. She approached him and, sitting in the chair beside him, touched his face with her fingers. It hurt him, but he didn't say anything because he was lost in his own world at the feel of her gentle touch.

"Eric." She said, trying to grab his attention.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Well when I returned to my apartment Deeks was there and I hadn't been expecting that so I fell and hit the armchair, resulting in this." He gestured to his face.

It was very quiet in the bullpen; Sam and Callen were sitting at their desks staring into space, playing out in their heads over and over what Deeks had said, registering every single word about how they had been treating Kensi and how they hadn't considered what she had been through. They had been on the offense and left her to deal with everything by herself. They began to see what Deeks had been talking about.

Hetty was in her office sitting on her chair, silently waiting for any news on her agents, just to make sure they were fine.

That's when Kensi entered the Mission and walked to the bullpen.


	25. Chapter 25

"Hey there." Callen said when he noticed the brunette agent, catching Sam's attention too.

"Save it. I don't want to hear anything." Kensi told him in a firm voice, making it clear that she didn't want to talk.

"But Kensi we need to talk to solve all of this." Sam stated.

"No. Not gonna happen. Not after what you did to me… you couldn't even see what you did until Deeks showed you; you were the ones who were supposed to have my back and be there for me, and instead you punished me and left me alone without trying to defend me or understand my situation. And Deeks, the one who should have done that, the only one who had the right to do that, did exactly the opposite; he stood up for me against you two and defended me so excuse me if I don't want to talk to you right now." Kensi said harshly, still upset by them and their actions.

"Okay Kens, you have the right to be like this, and believe me when I say we were wrong—very wrong—to treat you the way we did and we won't forgive ourselves for that, but we will do anything for you… although we know it's never gonna be the same." Sam said softly, knowing that if he spoke to Kensi in any other way she would just close down.

"Sam look at me. I'm not in the mood to talk and I don't want to deal with this right now; I have more important things to do." Kensi's voice softened at Sam's words.

"It's okay, you don't have to do anything; no one is pushing you, take all the time you need. If there's anything we can do to help just tell us." Sam said with an emotional voice, a rare occurrence for him.

"Well I need to talk to Deeks but I can't find him. He's hiding from me and I really need to talk to him and figure everything out." Kensi answered.

"Okay, we're gonna do everything we can to find him. Let's go to Ops and see what Eric and Nell can do for us." Sam said, standing up and heading up the stairs.

"Well Nell tracked his car to Eric's place but when I got there he was gone and his car was still there. He turned off his phone and now I can't find him. I went to his place: nothing. I went to the beach: nothing. I went to every place he loves but there was nothing… it's like he just disappeared off the face of the earth." Kensi explained as they walked.

"He was at Eric's place?! What was he doing there?" Callen asked after watching them in silence.

"I don't know. I talked to Eric and he said that Deeks was there when he arrived home from here. Deeks gave him the keys to his car and left." Kensi answered Callen without looking at him.

They all arrived in Ops and asked Eric and Nell to try and find Deeks. Nell started typing on the keyboard and Eric was staring at nothing, not knowing what to do because he knew what Deeks was doing and if the Detective didn't want to be found then no one would be able to. "Hey guys… you know that Deeks is one of the best undercover agents—maybe the best—and if he's hiding and doesn't want anyone to find him then there is no way we're going to be able to." Eric said honestly, trying to get the agents to understand how hard it would be to find him.

"Well you need to find him… so do whatever it takes." Kensi ordered him in her best scary tone.

"Okay. I'll do my best." Eric said, turning to his computer.

They all tried extremely hard; they worked late into the night digging everywhere for him, but it was no use: he was like a piece of salt dissolved in water.

That night Nell stayed with Eric at his place and they watched a movie, trying to get over the boring day: there had been no cases so they had spent it only looking for Deeks… they had been unsuccessful.

In actuality, Eric had found him and had tried very hard to prevent the others from doing the same. Especially Nell.

At that moment Eric received a message on his phone. When he checked it he saw that it was from a number he didn't recognize. 'Hey buddy it's me, Deeks. This is my new cell number. I'm in D.C. now. I want you to deliver the envelope to Hetty tomorrow, and thanks for everything man. I'll see you later, D." He smiled a little, glad that Deeks had contacted him, but then thoughts of what he would have to do tomorrow clouded his mind and he worried. Would he be able to do that? Give Hetty Deeks' resignation papers?

Nell caught on to his mood shift. "What's wrong?" She asked in concern.

"Nothing's wrong." He answered too quickly, not even convincing himself.

Nell narrowed her eyes which made him look away from her. She raised her hand and gently grabbed his face and turned it towards her. "Look at me Eric, I know when there is something wrong but if you don't want to tell me I will understand." She said in a soft voice, stroking his face, mindful of his bruise.

Eric closed his eyes and relaxed at her touch. "Okay. But like everything else this stays between us okay?" Eric said, deciding that telling her the truth was the best thing to do—maybe she could even help him out.

"So this is about Deeks." She guessed.

"Yeah."

"So what about him?"

"Look." Eric gave her the phone to read the message.

"Okay, what envelope is he talking about?" She questioned.

In response Eric stood up and walked to his bedroom and returned with the envelope in question and handed it to Nell. She opened it and when she saw Deeks' N.C.I.S phone and badge she began to worry, and when she read the paper she gasped. "Oh my God Eric! What is this?" She asked, shocked at what she held in her hands.

"Yesterday, after everything that had happened, Deeks came here and when I arrived he was having a nightmare and I tried to wake him up… he bolted awake and his hands flew upwards and one of them left this mark." He admitted, pointing to the bruise on his face.

"I knew it wasn't because you fell on the armchair." Nell said with conviction.

"Yeah. So he talked to me and gave me this and told me not to tell anyone about it; he said that he would tell me when to deliver it to Hetty and you know the rest."

"Sooo… what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know. I have to give this to Hetty but I don't know how. She'll kill me when she reads it." Eric was extremely nervous; he didn't know how to carry out what Deeks wanted him to do… how could Deeks put him through this? "It's going to be hard and Hetty will be very angry when she knows about this." Eric became even more scared and nervous by the moment (with good reason… Hetty had earned her reputation).

The next day Eric went to the Mission early, right at the crack of dawn. He put the envelope on Hetty's desk and ran up the stairs to Ops so he wouldn't be there when she arrived and saw it.

The team started to show up one by one: Callen was the first, and after thirty minutes Sam appeared, and, after Sam, Kensi walked into the bullpen, obviously not interested in anything. The tiredness and sleepiness was written all over her face but no one dared to ask because they knew what was going on with her.

Hetty was the last one to arrive. She walked directly to her office and immediately noticed two envelopes on her desk: one with the L.A.P.D stamp on it and the other with nothing on it. She opened the one from the L.A.P.D first. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open when she read that Bates had sent Deeks on an undercover operation that would take four months. Understandably she was extremely pissed.

But when she opened the other letter she collapsed into her chair and could do nothing but stare at the resignation letter for minutes before finally gathering herself and walking to the bullpen.

"Who was the first one to arrive here this morning?" Hetty asked, her tone serious, which got everyone's attention in a heartbeat.

"Me. Why? Is there something wrong?" Callen asked, confused.

"Did you see who delivered these envelopes to my desk?" Hetty asked, her tone never changing.

"No, what are they about?" Callen answered with a question again.

"The first one if from the L.A.P.D, from Lt. Bates. He is informing N.C.I.S that there was an undercover operation that required Mr. Deeks and he has already sent him on that operation." Hetty said in a sad tone.

Everyone was shocked at what they heard.

"What do you mean he sent him to go undercover?" Kensi demanded, her worry growing.

"Like I said, Ms. Blye, he sent him on an undercover operation." Hetty repeated.

"For… how… long?" Kensi managed to ask.

"It's going to be a four month operation." Hetty replied, a small tremor in her voice.

"What! Is he kidding? Deeks still needs time to heal—a lot of time—how could he do that? He's sending him to his death! Oh my God… that means he will leave for four months." Kensi's voice dropped to a mere whisper when it really hit her.

"And what about the over envelope?" Sam asked from his desk.

"That's the problem Mr. Hanna, Ms. Blye it looks like Mr. Deeks is not leaving for four months; he is leaving without coming back."

"What do you mean Hetty? He is my partner, how is he not coming back?"

"I have this letter in Mr. Deeks' handwriting, saying that he is resigning from his position as a Liaison Officer to N.C.I.S." Hetty said, trying to prevent the tears from falling.

There was anger on Callen's face, guilt on Sam's, but Kensi's face held too many emotions to sum up in one: anger, guilt, disappointment, hurt, and pain. She blamed herself; she was the one who made him leave, he left her just like everyone else she'd every trusted, but this time it was all on her. Unlike the others, she was the one to blame this time.

"Wait a minute Hetty, I guess I wasn't the first one to arrive because I heard some noise in Ops." Callen said, remembering the sounds he'd heard when he walked to his desk.

"Mr. Beal… Mr. Beale." Hetty called from the bullpen.

Eric heard and left Ops to meet them in the bullpen.

"Yes Hetty?" He asked, knowing full well what she wanted from him.

"Did you see who put these envelopes on my desk?" Hetty inquired.

"The one from the L.A.P.D came in the mail today and the other one I put on your desk." He answered, unable to lie.

"You put this on my desk?" She asked, showing him the envelope. He just nodded. "So you know about Deeks' intentions to resign?" She asked, anger clear in her voice.

"Yeah, he told me about it a couple of days ago and asked me to give that to you today."

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell anyone? We could have prevented this from happening! We could have helped him." Hetty exclaimed, nearly yelling at him.

"Hetty… that's what he told me to do. He didn't want anyone to prevent it, he didn't want to see or talk to anyone. He even requested that undercover assignment to get out of here." He explained, his voice rising slightly.

"What do you mean by that Mr. Beale?" Hetty asked, concerned why her Detective had done all that.

"Are you kidding me Hetty? With everything that's happened to him are you really asking that?" Eric asked, truly angry now.

"'With everything that's happened to him…?' Mr. Beale I don't know what has happened to Mr. Deeks, would you please enlighten me?"

"Perhaps you should ask them that, not me." Eric said, pointing to the three agents standing at their desks.

"What do you mean Eric?" Callen asked, demanding an explanation.


	26. Chapter 26

"Well, let's start with Sam. At the beginning of the case with Sidorov—when Hetty put Deeks as his backup—Sam refused to allow that. He didn't trust him and no one said anything to defend Deeks. And then, when you both were in Iran, he started questioning Deeks' character and he basically told him that he is weak and not worthy enough to be here with you; that he isn't good enough." Eric paused to take a breath and Callen and Kensi stared at Sam before Callen questioned his partner.

"Did you really say that to him?"

"It was before everything that happened and—." He didn't get to finish before he was interrupted by Eric.

"And now after what he did, after he saved you and your wife and sacrificed his life for you, you changed your opinion of him! Now you think he deserves to be here. Now you think that he is on the same level as all of you!" Eric yelled, his voice dripping with sarcasm, and when Callen tried to interrupt him Eric cut him off. "And you, Callen, tell me: how many times did you visit Deeks in the hospital after out last visit as a team, hunh?" When Callen didn't answer Eric answered for him. "None. You didn't visit him after he refused to see or talk to Sam. After all, how could he do that to your partner right? Why didn't he want to talk to Sam? You didn't care about Deeks, all you wanted him to do was see Sam and talk with him so that Sam could get better! You didn't care about what had happened between them, you didn't care how Deeks felt, you just left him there because he didn't want to talk to your partner.

Actually, Hetty, do you remember the last time you visited him?" Hetty nodded. "That was the last visit he got until a week later when I sent to see him and, merely by chance, found out from a nurse that no one had visited him in a week. When I asked him about you all he said that you were visiting him regularly; he defended you even after what you all did!

When I asked the nurse how he was doing she explained to me that he had been having nightmares every night; his screams were all over the hospital, and no one was there to help him with that! Look at this bruise," He gestured to his face, "It didn't come from me falling on the armchair, it happened when I was waking him up from a nightmare he was having. He flinched and his hands flew in the air and hit me." He stopped to catch his breath.

"But why didn't you say anything Mr. Beale?" Hetty asked, valiantly fighting tears that were threatening to fall.

"Because he didn't let me! He didn't want pity from anyone!" He yelled back at her, undaunted. "And that's not the worst part: Kensi here rejected him when he told her that he loves her! She told him that it wouldn't work between them. How could you do that? He wasn't good enough, was that it? When I told him about you taking care of Jack it hurt him, deep inside, but he didn't let it show, he even defended you and said that you were doing it because you wanted to help Jack.

And even after he left the hospital no one showed up at his apartment to say 'Hi, hello, how are you Deeks?' I don't blame Hetty or Nell—they were out of the state—but you!" He gestured at Callen, Sam and Kensi. "You just kept ignoring him like he wasn't living anymore! I thought we were a family?! Why did you do that to him?" Eric demanded, beyond angry at what they'd done to Deeks.

"Look Eric, after what happened between us, the tension that was in the air, I didn't think that visiting him would do him any good." Callen defended himself.

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that!" Eric scoffed sarcastically.

"And you said it; he didn't want to see me there." Sam jumped in.

"Look. If you wanted to see him you would have done it. You could have forced him to see you, you could've just showed up at his door, so don't excuse yourself okay?

And that's not all. Just to break him a little bit more, we were at the beach last weekend and we met Jack there. He told Deeks that you, Kensi, are his girlfriend. That hurt Deeks, but all he told Jack was to take care of you and keep you safe and to not leave you again; if Jack did that then he would be dealing with Deeks. Even with all of the pain he was feeling, Deeks was more concerned about your happiness! Well it was obvious to Jack that Deeks has feelings for you so he started to harass him; he kept pushing him and Deeks was getting angry…"

Kensi interrupted him. "That's when Deeks hit him." She murmured, tears threatening to fall.

"No. That's when I hit him. I told him to stop but he didn't, and he then he had the balls to threaten Deeks and tell him to stay away from you or he'd send him to Hell. Who the Hell is he to say that?!" Eric shouted at her.

Kensi was shocked at the information she was getting from Eric. She was angry now but Eric didn't give her time to think before he continued.

"And the day he came to ask Hetty to let him get back to work he heard what you were saying about him!" Eric pointed an accusing finger at Sam and Callen.

"What do you mean? What did he hear?" Callen asked, confused.

"Oh don't play the fool. I was upstairs and I heard and saw everything. He was standing there when you came in and said, and I quote: 'what happened there in the warehouse should be good for him; he needs to man up and be more serious and drop all of these childish behaviors.' Seriously guys! Is this what you think about him?

And then yesterday when he came here you started pushing him and pushing him until he couldn't take it anymore and he exploded. Just tell me: how would any one of you react if what's happened to him happened to you? You made him feel that no one wanted him here! What with everyone judging him for something that wasn't his fault how could you expect him to stay here after that?!

So don't ask why he left or wonder about it. All I can say is that if anything happens to him it's all on the three of you." Eric finished and, fed up, turned to leave.

"You crossed too many lines here Eric. You should be careful of that." Callen called after him.

"Really Callen? I crossed too many lines? Well if you don't like it then fine: you can fire me. And so you know, I don't want to end up like Deeks, so when we are here we are teammates and coworkers, but out of here I don't want to know any of you." Eric said with finality before storming to Ops, grabbing his keys, and rushing out of the Mission.

Nell tried to run after him but she wasn't fast enough to catch him. He left all of them to think about what he's just said.

"Did what Mr. Beale say really happen?" Hetty asked, breathing angrily. When no one dared to look at her or say anything she merely shook her head. "Oh my." Tears fell freely down her face as she turned and walked to her office and sat in silence. Sam and Callen dropped to their desks and Kensi grabbed her keys and rushed out of the Mission.

Kensi drove in anger. She was beyond upset at what had happened. She sped through traffic lights and broke speed limits, and when she arrived at her house she got out of the car, slammed the door, and walked into her house. "Jack… Jack!" She called, but when no response came she knew that he wasn't there. She pulled her phone out and called him.

"Hey Kensi." He answered.

"Where are you?" She demanded harshly.

"I'm at the gym, what's wrong?" He asked, worried at her tone.

"Get to my house right now." She ordered him, and, without waiting for a response, hung up.

Jack was confused. What had happened to her to make her talk to him like that? He walked out of the gym thinking about what might happen between him and Kensi. He knew she was mad at him so he needed to calm her down and fix things.

When he arrived he hesitated before opening the door, but he had to see her and find out what was wrong. He opened the door and walked in. He was greeted by Kensi sitting on the couch, tapping her foot on the ground angrily, and in that moment he knew he was in deep shit.

"Hey Kens, what's wrong?" He asked her in a quiet voice, low enough she almost didn't hear it.

"Is there anything you want to tell me Jack? She asked, sounding like she was interrogating him.

"No, I don't think so." He replied, his confusion deepening.

"So nothing happened between you and Deeks lately?" She demanded.

"So he told you what happened between us on the beach." Jack said angrily.

"He didn't tell me anything! I didn't see him. I want to know what happened between you two, so start talking." Kensi ordered.

Jack, seeing no other option, told her what had happened at the beach but he made it sound like it was Deeks fault, and he was sure to tell her that Eric hit him. "Look Kens, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before but I didn't want you to worry about it. It was nothing." Jack tried to diffuse the situation.

"It was nothing? How the Hell is that nothing?! You destroyed everything between Deeks and me, and you say that it was nothing?! How could you tell him that I'm your girlfriend? Who are you to tell him that?!" She was screaming at him now.

"I'm sorry! But I thought that we were together, and he was interfering with our business! He didn't have the right to—."

She interrupted him before he could finish. "We are together? What are you talking about? There is no 'together'!"

"But we—."

"There are no buts!" She snapped. "What happened between us was a mistake; I was in a bad space—my emotions were all over the place, they were way too complicated for me to understand, I was weak and you just happened to be there. I wasn't myself back then; if I was then I would never even think about doing that."

"That hurt." Jack said, pain clear in his voice.

"Well think about how I feel. You are the reason why Deeks left me, and now he's alone in some place where no one knows, and he's broken because he thinks that I left him for you!" She exclaimed, tears finally gathering in her eyes.

"I'm sorry about that but maybe it's for the best. It will give you time to think about us."

"There is no 'us!' I'm not in love with you and I never will be!" She yelled.

"You're just saying that because Deeks has left, but I'm in love with you and you just need some time to think and then you can make up your mind… and then you'll know you're still in love with me and not him." He said, trying to convince her to see the situation the way he did, but what he said only made Kensi angrier. He could see it: the fire in her eyes as she clenched her fists.

"I was in love with you once, but I'm not anymore. Whether you believe it or not I don't care. You know what? I'm done with all of that, I'm done with you. And after what you've done to me I don't want you here anymore. They were right, I never should've brought you here in the first place… you just made things worse, and now the only thing I want, the most important person in my whole life, the man who I love , the most I've ever loved anyone just left because of you! So. I'm going to go, and when I come back I want you and your belongings out of my house." She said to him before turning around to leave.

"Hell. I'm gonna kill you, Deeks, when I see you, you bastard." Jack whispered to himself, but apparently it wasn't quite enough because Kensi heard.

She turned, walked directly to him, and punched him in the face, making his nose bleed. "Firstly, you wouldn't stand one round with Deeks. Secondly, if you ever interfere in my life or Deeks', I'm the one who is going to kill you… it looks like Eric wasn't guilty when he punched you: you deserve more than a punch. Now get out of my house!" She ordered before leaving and heading directly to Deeks' apartment.


	27. Chapter 27

In D.C…

When Deeks plane landed there were two men in suits waiting for him. Upon seeing him they approached. "Detective Deeks?" One of the two said. Deeks nodded. "Agent John Spear, and this is Agent Sean Brad." The Agent continued, introducing themselves as they shook hands with the Detective.

"Nice to meet you." Deeks greeted.

"Let's ride." Agent Spear motioned for him to follow them to a car waiting at the entrance of the airport. They jumped in and headed to a Safe House where the one who was in charge of the operation would be waiting for them. Deeks was briefed on the operation: the gang trafficked everything through the Mexican border so he would need to return to L.A. and make his way into the gang as Max Gentry, get in touch with Merko Simic—the gang leader—and get the evidence required to bust Merko and his gang.

Deeks remained in D.C. for two days before returning to L.A. to begin the operation. When he arrived at the Safe House he'd been assigned for the operation he was very nervous; his hands were shaking and he wondered if he would be able to do this job. But the minute he changed his cloths into Max Gentry's signature style, his body seemed to slide into a second skin and relax. A devious smile slipped onto his face, and for a second he hated himself for that… but if this was what it took to take his mind off of what had happened then he would do it. Until he healed physically at least he could do the mental work.

He headed to the bar where the gang supposedly hung out in an attempt to make contact with them and try to work his way in; although it wouldn't be easy and it would take time.

When he was outside the bar he took a deep breath and entered with his confident walk. He sat at the bar and looked around to see if any of the gang was there: that's when he noticed Merko with some hot girls surrounding him.

Hey made eye contact with the bartender, who was actually working undercover with the C.I.A.

"Hey Max, the usual?" The bartender asked when he noticed him.

"Yeah." Deeks said, tone cold.

"So how are you?" Alex, the bartender, asked him while handing him his shot of whiskey.

"I've seen better days."

"What have you been working on lately?"

"That's none of you fucking business!" Deeks retorted, voice rising.

"Like always, it's nice to see you Max." Alex groused before walking away. Merko noticed and signaled Alex to come over.

"Yes Boss? What can I do for you?" Alex asked.

"What's going on over there Alex?" Merko asked in an accented voice.

Alex shrugged. "That's the world son of a bitch Max Gentry."

"Who is he?" Merko asked him, intrigued.

"That bastard is known for working with some gang here in L.A."

"What kind of gangs was he working with?"

"All kinds: human, arms, and drug trafficking. He used to set up the meetings with large buyers and dealers." Alex elaborated.

"And how long has he been doing that?"

"He's been doing it since I've known him, and I've known him for maybe six years… I don't want to exaggerate, but he is one son of a bitch at what he does."

"This is the first time I've seen him here. Where has he been all this time?"

"That's how he works: when he finishes a job in one place he vanishes, goes underground, and appears in another place."

"So what is he doing here now?" Merko asked, slightly concerned.

"Well… if he's showing himself that means he's looking for a new job."

"And what's that on his face?" He asked, pointing to the bruises and cuts still present on Deeks' face.

"Like I said he's one son of a bitch and very aggressive… so he doesn't make many good friends if you know what I mean. He gets himself into a lot of trouble so it's no surprise to see him like this."

"Okay. You can go back to you job." Merko ordered.

Alex complied and returned to the bar.

During the whole conversation Deeks had stayed at the bar; Merko's eyes were staring at him, studying his every move, his every conversation, and when Deeks decided to leave Merko signaled on of his men to follow him. Deeks sensed the man behind him but he walked casually, not wanting to let the person tailing him become suspicious. After a minute Deeks disappeared leaving the man who had been watching him confused. The man walked around trying to locate his quarry when all of a sudden he heard a voice.

"Stay where you are."

Having no other choice the man stood still as a gun was placed at the back of his head. "Take it easy man." He tried to calm his assailant.

"You were tailing me the moment I walked out of the bar. What do you want from me?" Deeks asked in a tone that left no room for lies.

The man obviously didn't pick up on that. "I don't know what you're talking about! I was just walking around—." The man started to explain himself but got cut off.

"Okay, if you want to play it like this then I'll see you in Hell in the next life… and if you see a man called…"

The man interrupted him. "Wait a minute man! I'll tell you everything, just calm down!" He was terrified.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Deeks ordered in anger, before turning him around and punching him directly in the stomach. He fell to the ground squealing in pain. "Now," Deeks continued, smiling. "Tell me everything you know."

"Sorry… I was sent… by my boss… to tail you. That's it!" The man gasped between sharp intakes of breath.

"And? Who is your boss and what does he want from me?"

"His name… is Merko Simic, but what he wants from you I don't know." He stammered.

"Well if you don't have what I want then what are you good for?" Deeks asked rhetorically, nonchalantly pointing the gun at the man's head.

"Please! Don't do that! I'll talk—." He was cut off by a kick to the stomach which made him yell out in pain.

"I don't fucking care about you! I would have killed you but I want you to go back to your asshole boss and tell him not to mess around with me. And if I ever see you again I won't have any mercy; I'll kill on sight. Do you understand bitch?" Deeks spat on him before walking away.

A week later Deeks returned to the same bar, sat at the same table and called for a glass of whiskey.

Merko approached him. "I don't like the people who assault my men Mr. Gentry." Merko said to him before sitting in the chair opposite Deeks.

"So you would be the asshole boss of that bitch I assume." Deeks downed the whole glass of whiskey in one swig.

"People who are bold around me don't tend to last long… so watch yourself." Merko told him in a menacing tone.

"Are you really threatening me?" Deeks questioned, daring him to answer.

"You don't know who I am…"

"I don't give a damn about who you are. If you send any of your bitches behind me or you step in my way you won't live to regret it. You understand that?" Deeks said coldly, upsetting Merko more and more.

"We will meet again soon." Merko

"Can't wait for it." Deeks snorted sarcastically.

With that, Merko stood up and walked out of the bar.

Another week passed by; Deeks kept visiting the bar and having some conversations with Alex, and occasionally with Merko. Every day Deeks walked out of the bar with a different woman. It was hard for him to do that but he needed to prove to Merko that he was the man for him. The woman would always show up the next morning with bruises on her face and arms. He was very angry at himself for doing that, he was not the kind of person who would hurt anyone, but it was the only way to get in.

He was about to give up and try something else but one day Merko approached him and whispered into his ears, "If you want to do some good business, come with me to my office in the opposite building."

Deeks looked the man in the face and retorted, "I'm not interested in you or any business related to you. So fuck off!"

"Aggressive like always, but hear me out. The job I need you for will let you retire easily, Mr. Gentry, and you can spend the rest of your life on the Hawaii beaches picking up the girls you like." Merko said, catching Deeks attention.

"What do you mean by that?" He demanded, trying to make Merko think he didn't know what he was talking about.

"Well Mr. Gentry, don't underestimate me. I did some digging on you and I know what your business is and it just so happens to be what I need." Merko explained.

"And how is this gonna give me my retirement ticket?" Deeks asked, interested.

"Well I'm talking about ten million dollars in cash if you do the job I want you to do. And as I have been told you are the best at it."

"That's a lot of money… let's go to the office and chat." Deeks said, standing.

Merko led the way with Deeks following.

Meanwhile at the Mission…

After what had happened Hetty sent everyone home for some time to recover and told them not to come back until they could deal with it. She gave them time to think about what had happened.

Sam spent most of the time with his wife and kids. He went out with Callen and they talked and figured out what they'd done had been wrong and knew that they needed to fix things with the others.

Callen dealt with everything in his own way: he was at the gym working hard trying to forget… but how could he do that? He'd broken his team, because of his actions. He tried to contact Kensi and Eric but it was no use.

Eric was relieved after he'd put everyone in the place and showed them their mistakes. He spent his time with Nell, and if she wasn't there he would be on the beach surfing or just walking to relax. He and Deeks sent each other a few messages just to check on one another, but Eric didn't mention what happened at the Mission.

On the other hand Kensi was practically living in Deeks' apartment. She couldn't stay in her apartment even when Jack left. She just couldn't… not after everything. She needed to be with Deeks… to talk to him. But in this way—staying at his apartment—she almost felt like she could feel his presence, or at least smell his scent. She didn't go to her house unless she was in need of clothes. She used the off time to go on walks with Monty at the beach. Callen and Sam both tried to call her—multiple times—but she didn't want to talk to them: not now.

When Deeks and Merko arrived at the gang leader's office the undercover Detective sat on the chair and Merko sat at his desk.

"So what do I have to do for you?" Deeks asked after he'd settled himself.

"I have some stuff I need to sell and you are the best at finding buyers."

"What kind of stuff do you need to sell so I can find the appropriate buyer?"

"I know someone who has a shipment of heroine that he wants to sell and I was hoping you could find someone for that." Merko answered him.

"Well a heroine shipment sure isn't gonna get me ten million dollars." Deeks said in disgust, subtly digging for more information.

"You know that I can't give you that from nothing; you need to prove yourself first and then I will introduce you to the next level. I need you to show me what you are made of, and if the results are satisfying then we can talk about getting you and me rich." Merko said with a smile.

Deeks nodded. "You need to make sure that I'm trustable." Deeks sounded offended.

"You know how these things go. We need to make sure." Merko tried to placate him.

"I'll let it go this time because I don't trust you either, so I guess the first deal will show our intentions to each other."

"So we have a deal?" Merko wanted to clarify.

"You've got yourself a deal, but if in some way you try to play me, you are gonna pay blood for it you understand?" Deeks told him, deadly serious.

"The same goes for you." Merko responded.

Deeks nodded and they shook hands in agreement. Deeks told Merko how to contact him and they set a date for their next meeting to discuss the job.


	28. Chapter 28

The following morning in Deeks' apartment…

Kensi wok up in Deeks' bed fidgeting at the feeling of being alone and cold and not knowing what to do. The confrontation they'd all had with Eric in the bullpen following Deeks' departure left all of them apart barely speaking to each other. It was hardest for Kensi because she knew she was the real reason for his resignation, and, after she'd kicked Jack out of her apartment and life, she'd realized what she wanted… what she'd always wanted. She couldn't leave Deeks' apartment before she talked to him, though she knew he would be gone for a long time, and she couldn't go back to hers and remember what she did there and how she'd betrayed Deeks. She needed to stay in his and cling to the small hope that he would come back soon so she could talk to him and see him, but she knew that what she'd done had broken and crushed him' she knew the he would never take her back, that she'd ruined whatever chance they had to be together and that he would never be hers again. She was okay with that because she deserved it and more for what she'd done, but she needed to apologize to him and tell him that she was sorry, and she would do her best to make sure that happened

She got out of the bed wearing one of Deeks' shirts and walked to the bathroom, where she brushed her teeth, before walking into the living room. She put food and water down for Monty, her only constant companion through these tough times. Eric had come to take Monty and care for him at his place but Kensi had refused: she couldn't give up the only thing reminding her of her partner… she insisted on taking care of him herself and Eric didn't have a chance against her, especially when it seemed like he wanted to stay with Kensi, his Dad's partner.

Eric didn't want to bother with prolonged conversation—he was still mad—so he just gave her the spare key that Deeks had given him after the hospital, and left.

Time passed and now almost two months had gone by since the Op had started.

Deeks completed the job Merko had asked him to do, and now they were having a meeting to discuss a plan for the next operation, which was a big one—as Merko had mentioned before.

"So what's our next move here?" Deeks asked.

"Well, seeing as you've proven yourself as the best at what you do—as I have been told—now there are three shipments I need you to get me buyers for… but not just any buyers, these shipments need sharks, not just anyone can handle them."

"Okay, what cargo are we talking about here?" Deeks asked, masking his concern, wanting to finally get the information they needed to put Merko and his people behind bars for life.

"I have quite a few Russian arms—and I'm talking about heavy weapons—that I got my hands on. The stash is worth at least one hundred million dollars. If you get the deal done you will get five million for yourself."

This pulled a long whistle from Deeks. "Wow. That's a lot of arms. But as long as you pay me then I don't have a complaint."

"And that's not all. My brother back in Serbia is working on collecting some girls from Serbia, Russia, and Croatia, and he is getting ready to ship them here. I will need high class club owners, businessmen who run prostitution all over the country, who will pay me high prices for these high class girls." Merko said, sharing what he felt to be the more important operation for him.

Deeks was getting angrier and angrier the more Merko spoke. He wanted to flip the desk and throw Merko to the ground and punch the son of a bitch until the end of that bastard life; Merko was talking about these girls as if they were toys to sell, like they were just one more way to get more money than he already had. Unfortunately Deeks could not let his fantasy become a reality, and instead all he could do was smile. "That's what I'm talking about! Yeah! How old are they?" He laughed… but inside he was disgusted with himself for doing that.

"They're from thirteen to sixteen and they are the finest. He sent me some samples and whoa!" Merko let out a breath, indicating they were beyond description.

"Wow. And they're the required age too. I'll find you a buyer for them, probably faster than I get you buyers for the arms. Give me a week and I'll get you some meetings and you can settle for the highest bidder… but you know they're gonna want to check the shipments at the meetings."

"Yeah, I know. Don't worry about it, in a couple of days the shipments should be here and they can check them to their hearts content." Merko replied.

"Okay then, that should settle everything." Deeks said before standing to leave. "I'll call you as soon as I have the meetings set." He left the office.

Deeks drove to the safe house, thinking and hoping that the operation was almost finished now that all they had to do was set the plan for these meetings and trap Merko and his gang there. Given that it had only taken him only two and a half months so far he was impressed with himself, though he didn't want to celebrate until the end. One never knows how things were going to go… he hoped nothing would go wrong.

He arrived at the safe house where he met with Agent Sean Brad, who was aiding Deeks when he could, and Deeks passed along the new information. Agent Brad quickly got out the safe house phone and called D.C. to update them on what was happening and to set a plan on how the operation should go.

The following day agent Brad flew to D.C. to settle the plans in person and Deeks was left alone in the safe house. He was wondering what to do when he pulled out his phone and brought up Eric's number on the screen. His finger moved between calling and or not, but after ten minutes he dropped the phone without pressing the green button. He walked to the fridge, took out a beer, and sat on the couch, flipping through TV channels. When he saw a channel playing the Titanic his thoughts immediately wandered to Kensi and before he knew it he was lost in his thoughts: thoughts of how they used to watch it together, how she used to cuddle up against him and he would wrap his arms around her, pulling her close and losing himself in the scent of her hair. A tear escaped his eye and rolled down his face at the thoughts. He loved her so damn much, but he needed to get her out of his mind; she was in someone else's arms and if he cared about her at all he would look for her happiness, even if it was with someone else and not with him… even if it meant stepping on his heart and living in pain, because her happiness was his first priority even over his own happiness.

He stayed like that most of the day, thinking about everything that had happened between the two of them through all of the years they'd worked together. He drank beer aft beer, trying to comfort himself, but everything he did, every thought he had, just hurt him emotionally. Although he was physically healed—the bruises were gone, the ribs were healed, he had even begun light workouts and the cuts on his chest were healing too, though they would leave scars behind them—his emotional inner self that still hurt. He was drunk at the end of the day but he wasn't able to move from the couch. He blacked out and didn't wake up until Agent Brad walked in the next day and saw what a state he was in.

"Shit man, what did you do?" Brad murmured to himself while taking in the view of Deeks lying on the couch, a dozen beer bottles on the coffee table. The Agent walked in and started to gather the empty bottles but one of them slipped out of his hand and fell on the ground.

Deeks snapped awake. "What… what… what's going on?" Deeks mumbled, trying to stand. The dizziness and headache made him fall back onto the couch.

"Easy there Deeks, you have a hangover now, you need to rest. I'll make you some coffee." The Agent soothed before walking towards the kitchen. He came back with a glass of water and some aspirin. "Here . Take these." He handed the water and aspirin to the Detective.

"Oh my God." Deeks moaned, rubbing his head.

"Well that's what happens after you drink twelve beers." Brad laughed in good humor.

"Sorry about that man. I was exhausted and I needed something to relieve me." Deeks explained.

The Agent didn't buy it. He knew there was something wrong with the Detective. "Hey. Is there something going on with you? What's up?" The Agent asked, sounding like he was interrogating him.

"Nothing, I just had a rough night that's all." Deeks said before standing up and heading to his room.

"You know you can tell me anything." Brad shouted after him, but there was no response.

After half an hour Deeks walked out. He was wet from the shower he had taken. He found a coffee mug waiting for him and he grabbed it and took a long, satisfying sip. "So what happened in D.C.?" Deeks asked the Agent.

"Well we settled on a plan. We're going to bring in men of ours and post them as human trafficking and arms Lords, and when the meetings are settled and we have the evidence we need, will bust in and arrest everybody."

"Okay, then all I have to do now is set up the meetings with Merko and we're ready." Deeks confirmed.

"Yup. Pretty much, and, if it goes like we plan, all of this will be over soon."

"Yeah, but your men should be fully in the roles they're going to play, because any mistake will get us in trouble and all we've done will have been for nothing." Deeks warned.

"I know. That's why we are working with them twenty four seven to get them ready for this."

"Okay then. Tomorrow I'll call Merko and set up the meetings for this weekend."

They spent the day at the safe house—they didn't want to be seen together because the case was ongoing—and they ordered pizza and watched TV.

The next day Deeks called Merko and told him that he had clients for both of the shipments and said the buyers would be in L.A. this weekend. They both agreed a meeting on the weekend would work since Merko informed Deeks that the shipments had already arrived. Merko also ordered Deeks to find a location for the meeting. Deeks was relieved because it would allow him to choose a place that would work for a trap to be set.

Deeks told Agent Brad what he and Merko had agreed to, and both of them began looking for the right place. They looked until they found the perfect place. It was a warehouse that had five empty rooms that could be turned into offices, and was surrounded by high buildings ideal for snipers. The building would allow the teams that were to make the arrest to hide without being overly suspicious.

Deeks went to the bar and sat on a table, waiting for Merko to show up. When he did, the Boss approached the undercover Detective and sat beside him. After a minute of silence Merko asked, "So Max. How'd you do?"

"I found a hidden warehouse that has a few rooms designed as offices and a large storeroom at the back so you can keep the samples there, and when the deal is done you can deliver the rest of the shipments. I already rented the place; I watched it and didn't find anything suspicious but you'll need to send some of your men to check it out for a couple of days before the weekend." Deeks explained.

"Nice job Max, I'm truly impressed with your skills. There's no doubt about it: you are the best. I'll send two of my men to stake out the warehouse and then…" Merko didn't finish.

"And then we're gonna be rich." Deeks cut him off.

Merko smiled in agreement. "That's right."

They drank a toast to the money they'd have.


	29. Chapter 29

When the time for the meeting was set and everyone was prepared, Deeks called Merko to inform him that he was bringing the clients to the warehouse in half an hour.

All was running smoothly: the clients were at the building and Merko arrived. After two hours of hard bargaining Merko finally got a price he was more than happy with, so much so that he even laughed. It was a price higher than what he'd expected to get. The client signaled his men and they returned with three hundred million dollars in gold. After Merko authenticated, he gave them the address who in turn ordered his men to check it; that was the signal to the teams waiting in ambush.

In less than two minutes the warehouse was filled with C.I.A agents and S.W.A.T. teams. Merko and his men started to fire their guns but the firefight didn't last long before the S.W.A.T. team eliminated most of the resistance. Merko and his remaining cronies were left to surrender, dropping their guns, and were cuffed, along with Deeks and the buyers.

"Did you do this? If I find out that you are the one behind this I swear to God! You'll wish you were dead! Do you hear me?!" Deeks screamed at Merko, who looked stunned and confused at what had happened.

He didn't have time to process anything when Max (Deeks) yelled, and before he could say something, he was put in the backseat of one of the cars. Deeks was placed in another.

Another team was dispatched to recover the girls and the arms, and it all ended quickly and smoothly. They gathered all of the evidence they needed to nail Merko and his gang, and the C.I.A. passed along the information necessary to Interpol to grab the rest of the cartel in Europe.

With the happy ending to the operation the C.I.A. team and Deeks returned to D.C. where Deeks was awarded with a medal of honor by the head of the C.I.A. for his hard work and bravery.

"Your boss was right." Agent Brad told him seriously. "I'll give you that, you are the best at this. No one will ever be at your level in undercover assignments; you're in a class by yourself." He gave the Detective a bro hug.

"Hey, don't exaggerate. It was just like any other assignment." Deeks said modestly.

"Don't give me that shit! This assignment should have taken at least four months, even with an experienced undercover agent, and you did it in less than three. That's huge!" Brad stated proudly. "Now, let's go celebrate your success okay?"

Deeks accepted the invitation. A few other agents joined them, and after a long night and a few drinks Deeks was ready to take a cab to the hotel where he'd spend the night before catching his flight home tomorrow. He was stopped by Agent Brad who offered him a ride instead. Deeks followed him to the car and sat in the passenger seat as they drove to his hotel.

"So. Are you gonna tell me what's wrong?" Brad asked Deeks.

"I told you: there's nothing wrong, I'm just tired." Deeks replied stubbornly.

"Look… I know it's not my business to interfere, but I know you work with G Callen's team and I heard what happened to you and Agent Hanna and I couldn't help wondering… how did you do this Op when you'd just been through that? We thought you were crazy to do it, we were even thinking of rejecting you and finding someone else, but your boss—Lt. Bates—said that you were the best, and from what I saw I'd have to agree. You truly are the best. So don't say there's nothing wrong after all this."

"I just don't want to talk about it okay?" Deeks responded wearily.

"It's okay. I don't mean to push you into doing anything, but you should know that bottling all that up is not a good idea. It's only gonna hurt you more." The Agents counseled.

"Now you sound like a shrink." Deeks smiled, joking, which brought an answering smile to Brad's face.

"If you say so."

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine." Brad just gave him a glare. "I mean, I'll be fine." Deeks amended.

The Agent dropped the subject, not wanting to pressure the Detective, and the rest of the drive was spent with chatter about nothing in particular. When they arrived at the hotel Deeks headed to his room and collapsed on the bed exhausted. It took him seconds to fall asleep.

In the morning Deeks woke up early after the first peaceful sleep he'd had since the Sidorov case. He started to gather his belongings and took a shower. Once finished, he checked out of the hotel and headed to the airport.

It was three p.m. when his flight landed in L.A. He took a cab to the Police Department and walked directly to Bates office. He knocked.

"Come on in." Bates called.

Deeks opened the door and walked in. When Bates looked up at him a big smile spread across his face. "Deeks!" He stood and welcomed his Detective with a light hug.

"Bates." Deeks answered, returning the hug.

"Why didn't you call me and tell me that you were coming today? I would have sent someone to pick you up!"

"Nah, don't worry about that. I was fine."

"The C.I.A. contacted me yesterday and told me about the operation and your work, apparently you impressed them because they were speechless; they didn't know what to say. They finally mustered, and I quote, 'where the Hell did you get him from!?' They tried to convince me to let them have you, but I told them that there was no way in Hell that I'd let you go." Bates told him proudly, beyond pleased with his Detective and his hard work. He knew that Deeks deserved the Agency's praise and that the Agency would be blind not to want him.

"You know that I don't care about that crap, I just did my job and nothing more." Deeks murmured.

"Don't say that! You know that what you did, no one else could've done in less than three months! So give yourself the credit! Stopping an international cartel—almost single handedly I might add—is huge." Bates exclaimed.

"I know. I'm just really tired from the flight and need to rest." Deeks said, faking a yawn.

Bates nodded. "Okay, go home and we can talk later."

"… I don't have a car."

"You can talk to Officer Stanley and tell him to give you a car. Take some time off and when you're ready you can come back, but take your time: don't rush it."

With that, Deeks walked out of the office and headed for Officer Stanley. He was given the keys to a car and he promptly headed home. When he arrived in his neighborhood he was about to park when he saw a view that shocked him: he'd never thought he would see it again in his whole life. He almost froze, but shook his head, trying to make the vision go away. He didn't want to deal with him, not after what happened… not now! He pulled his phone out and sent an urgent message. He then tried to turn the vehicle around but a car blocked his way.

In Ops it was like any other day after Deeks' departure: Nell was briefing the team on some new information they had gotten about the boring case they were currently working on, Kensi was barely talking to Sam and Callen in the Mission and no longer hung out with them outside of work, Hetty was observing them but was not as close to them as before. Everyone noticed the changes caused by Deeks' absence. Eric was ignoring the three of them (Kensi, Callen, and Sam) no matter what they tried to do to fix it. He wouldn't budge. Instead he tapped away at his computer as Nell continued to update the team. It was then that Eric's phone vibrated.

He pulled it out and when he saw that it was a message from Deeks he smiled. "Deeks," he spoke aloud and immediately regretted it. All eyes were now on him.

"Was that a message from Deeks?" Kensi demanded, close to yelling. Her heartbeat skyrocketed and she became very nervous.

" Hmmmm… yes, it's Deeks." Eric finally answered, but when he opened the phone his eyes widened. "Shit." He mumbled and immediately began typing furiously.

His uncharacteristic swear word made Kensi's heart plummet.

"What's wrong Mr. Beale?" Hetty asked, afraid of the answer.

"It's his distress code." Eric said.

Everyone gathered around him, looking at the screen.

"Can you track his phone Eric?" Callen asked, before Eric's phone began ringing.

"It's Deeks." The Tech Operator said, confused.

"Answer it, put it on speaker, and try to track his location." Sam ordered.

Eric obliged, but even with the speaker was activated there was no sound coming from the other end. Eric tried to locate the Detective when a very well-known voice suddenly was heard coming from the phone. "Well hello Detective Marty Deeks."

Everyone in the room was shocked.

"What the Hell is this? How could he be there? He should be in prison!" Sam yelled.

"Well I can't return that greeting, not after what you did, Sidorov." Deeks sarcastic voice came from the phone.

"Oh but Detective, after what we have been through we should have a bond!" Sidorov said.

"What do you want?" Deeks said, sounding only annoyed.

"Well, as you know Detective, we have some unfinished business that we need to have some closure on." Sidorov explained.

"Oh my God." Kensi whispered. "This can't be happening. No! Not after what he has been through. Eric! You need to find him now!" Kensi demanded, close to panic. She didn't want Deeks to go back down that road; he barely got out alive the first time.

"I'm working on it!" Eric said nervously.

Deeks continued, trying to joke to conceal from Sidorov how scared he was of being taken again. "I thought we were over that by now."

"Oh Detective, you should feel lucky that I found you today! I have been looking for you forever! I've been waiting here for two weeks, I was losing my patience, and if you hadn't shown up I was going to take that smoking hot brunette girlfriend of yours instead of you."

The moment Kensi heard what did Sidorov said, she knew where he was. "He's at Deeks' apartment! Eric, pull the traffic cameras in that area."

"Here it is." Eric said, putting the live video feeds on the screen in front of them, showing the video that they were hearing on the phone.

"Okay Eric, keep us updated and transfer the conversation to our coms. Sam and I are heading there." Callen ordered before he and Sam raced for the exit.

"My girlfriend… I don't have a girlfriend." Deeks answered Sidorov, shocked.

"And that hot piece of ass living in your apartment 24/7 would be…?" Sidorov let the sentence dangle.

Deeks now knew that he was talking about Kensi, but he was still confused: what was she doing in his apartment? He pushed the thought away as it was unimportant at that precise moment.

"Now." Sidorov continued. "Slowly get out of the car and into mine." Sidorov demanded, pointing a gun at the Detective.

Deeks surreptitiously slipped the phone into his pocket and got out of the car, slowly walking towards the other vehicle. He got in the backseat with Sidorov and the driver started the car.

Kensi couldn't wait any longer. "Track their car and see if they move before we arrive. Keep me updated on their status!" Kensi yelled over her shoulder as she rushed out of the Mission, putting her com in her ear and racing to her car. She pressed the gas pedal down hard, weaving in and out of cars as fast as she could; she needed to get there before something happened to Deeks.


	30. Chapter 30

"Okay guys," Eric communicated to the team, "they are starting to move. Deeks and Sidorov are in a black SUV which is being followed by another silver one."

The team drove faster.

"So." Deeks started. "Where are we going?"

"Don't worry; it will take some time for us to get there so you can prepare yourself." Sidorov replied, a joking smile on his face.

"That's very kind of you." Deeks said sarcastically.

"You will pay for everything you have done. I will enjoy hearing you scream again." Sidorov hissed, beyond upset; he was furious.

Deeks only gave him a weird smile.

"Come on guys!" Eric yelled at the team, frustrated. "I lost them on the cameras but I'm still tracing them with Deeks' phone. They stopped at a blind spot, an area with absolutely no surveillance of any kind!"

When they arrived at the blind spot they found Deeks' phone on the side of the road and the two cars, abandoned. They noticed a few people walking and quickly stopped them and demanded if they'd seen anything. After a few questions they discovered that Sidorov had changed cars.

"Eric!" Callen called the Tech Operator. "They changed cars; they are now in a black jeep and a red sedan: try to locate them. I'll send you the plate numbers." He quickly sent the message to Eric right as Kensi arrived on the scene.

"What happened?" She demanded, worried.

"They changed cars." Sam answered.

"We need to head back to Ops to see if Eric's got something for us." Callen ordered.

When they arrived they saw Eric typing furiously on the keyboard, trying desperately to act faster, because he knew that at this moment Deeks' life was on the line; he was depending on Eric to find him.

The two cars, one black and one red, parked in front of a house with two levels. Sidorov and his men got out and motioned Deeks out after them. One of the men had a gun constantly pointed at the Detective. "Move." He growled.

They entered the house and headed for the second floor. After walking into one of the rooms, they tied Deeks to a chair. In that moment Deeks' fear began to escalate, his breathing grew heavier as all of the memories from the first time came back… he swallowed hard.

Having finished tying him up, Sidorov spoke . "Well Detective, shall we start the party?" It was a sarcastic statement, not a question. He nodded to one of his men who stepped forward and punched Deeks.

"Well," Deeks replied. "You punch like a girl."

"I got them!" Eric yelled after ten minutes. They all gathered behind him. "There! The cars are parked in front of a house." Eric wound back the video to the moment when Sidorov and one of his men stepped out of the black jeep, and Deeks and another two got out of the red sedan. Eric continued, "They went into the house and no one's left. They've been there for fifteen minutes."

The team left Ops in a rush.

It was like Hell in that chair: Deeks was sitting, taking punches and making smartass comments which would only earn him more punches. Finally one of the men became angered by Deeks' behavior and comments, so he grabbed a bat and hit the Detective directly in the head. A river of blood ran down his face and Deeks immediately fell unconscious.

"Stop it idiot!" Sidorov ordered. "He does me no good if he is dead now! I need to make up for everything he has done to me; his torture should go on for days. I don't want him dead or blacked out! I want him to feel the pain every second of his life before I kill him." He said angrily, before motioning for his men to leave the room. They did, leaving him alone with the unconscious Detective.

The team drove as fast as they could, and even so it took them half an hour to get to the house. They split up: Callen took the back door, and Sam and Kensi took the front. They walked silently until Sam broke down the door and they burst in. One of Sidorov's men appeared and Kensi took him down right away, and when another one of the men was about to shoot them he got distracted by the sound of the back door breaking: Sam took care of him. The three Agents began clearing the rooms of the first floor before moving to the second. They were met by another of Sidorov's men coming down the stairs, but, unluckily for him, he was met by three quick shots… he rolled down the stairs.

The Agents moved up and began to clear the second floor. When they reached the last room they opened the door to find Deeks tied to a chair with Sidorov standing beside him holding a gun in his hand. Deeks was clearly unconscious and had a line of blood running down his head.

"Sidorov put the gun down and surrender yourself! There is no way out!" Callen ordered.

Sidorov smiled sarcastically before he turned serious. "Why would I do that? I don't fucking care about him or any of you! This bastard destroyed my life and he is going to pay for that!" Sidorov answered him angrily, before pulling the trigger.

"Nooooo!" Kensi screamed before shooting Sidorov in the stomach and forcing him to crumple to the ground in pain. Kensi dropped her gun and ran towards Deeks. "Eric! We need an ambulance now! Deeks has been shot." Kensi shouted, untying her partner from the chair and lying him on the floor, putting her hands over the bullet wound and applying pressure, desperately trying to stop the bleeding. She heard Sam say "Son of a bitch!" and she turned to see Sam holding a baseball bat with blood on it.

"That's what caused the blood on his head, that son of a bitch!" Callen said angrily.

"Deeks please don't do this." Kensi pleaded. "You can't die, you promised me! You can't do this to me, please… I need you." She whispered, tears falling down her face.

When the paramedics arrived they pushed her out of the way and moved him onto a stretcher before rushing him out to the ambulance and driving towards the hospital as fast as they could.

Kensi remained sitting in the room where Deeks had been tied, her hands stained with his blood. She was in shock. Deeks was going to die no matter what because he'd lost a lot of blood and it was their fault. They hadn't been quick enough to save him.

"Come on Kensi." Sam coaxed gently. "We need to go after them." He pulled her up.

She nodded, too much in shock to formulate any words, and started to walk with them until she reached her car.

"Can you drive by yourself?" Callen asked her.

She didn't say anything, and that's when she noticed another stretcher coming out of the house with Sidorov on it. "You bastard! I'm gonna kill you." She snapped, pulling her gun out and heading towards him.

Sam quickly grabbed her and steered her away. "Hey, calm down. He will get what he deserves, but not now. You can't kill him. Right now you need to go after Deeks; we'll take care of everything here." Sam murmured.

Without a word she walked to the driver seat of her car, opened the door, and drove away.

Kensi's hands were shaking as she gripped the steering wheel. She took multiple deep breaths to try and calm herself down as she drove to the hospital. Upon arrival she asked at the nurse station and was told that Detective Deeks was in the OR on the third floor. She raced through the crowded hallways, trying to get there as soon as possible.

She was outside of the OR when ten minutes later Nell arrived, accompanied by the others, and rushed forward to give her a hug. Callen leaned against the wall, Hetty stood in silence, and Eric paced back and forth. They were all nervous while waiting for any news on Deeks.

"Okay. That's enough! Can someone tell me what the Hell just happened?" Sam snapped at them.

When no one said anything, Callen went to his side. "Well, while you and Deeks were still in the hospital, Sidorov was being transferred to the L.A.P.D. when some of his men jumped them and broke him free. They killed the Agents who were supposed to be transferring him." Callen explained.

"And it didn't occur to you to tell me about that!?" Sam demanded, clearly upset.

"We were going to tell you, but you know how things went bad with Deeks, Kensi, and Jack, and you not wanting to talk to anyone except Deeks. It was a hard time and we didn't have the right opportunity to bring the subject up." Callen answered. Sam looked away.

"Speaking of that, Mr. Hanna." Hetty interrupted them. "You never did say what happened between you and Mr. Deeks. Nor did you explain why you were in the hospital and he was in the warehouse, and you never fully explained why you wanted to talk to him before anyone else."

"I wanted to apologize to him for what I did back then." Sam answered, which brought all eyes to him. They all gathered round.

"What happened in the warehouse?" Kensi asked gently.

"All I remember is that I woke up strapped to a chair and connected to wires. Deeks was in the opposite room. Sidorov told me that Deeks pulled me out of the pool and saved me, then Sidorov started to shock me. When they didn't get anything out of me, he said they were waiting their time with me and that he would start work on the 'weak on.' So he headed to Deeks and started to torture him, drilling his teeth and cutting him and beating him, but Deeks didn't give him anything. And then they changed their method: they started asking him the questions and shocking me… that was when he asked them to stop. He told them that he would give them all of the information they wanted if they got me to the hospital and told the police to put me under guard. Lastly he wrote a letter for Kensi and gave it to me to deliver…

I thought he was going to give them everything, but, when he gave them his real name, I knew what he was doing. He knew that there was no way in Hell we were both gonna walk out of that alive, so he played his last card and sacrificed his life so that I could get out of there and walk back to my wife and family. He stayed there. Alone. Taking all of that torture just to save a woman he barely knew. And after what I did to him—what I said to him—I needed to talk to him first, to tell him how sorry I was and still am, and how ashamed I felt, and still do. I owe him my life and my family's life…" Sam's voice trailed off.

Everyone was shocked, hearing what Deeks did. Kensi and Nell were crying, and Eric and Callen were speechless. They knew that Deeks was a good man and a good cop, but to sacrifice his life for a man that didn't trust him and insulted even his smallest of actions, was something that b*** them away.

Hetty was the only one not at all surprised: she'd known all along what kind of man Deeks was. "Now do you realize what Deeks is made off? But I suppose it's too late."

"We are all sorry for that Hetty, but what do you mean it's too late?" Callen queried.

"Well what do you think, Mr. Callen? Except for Mr. Beale and perhaps Miss Jones, do you think he will want any of you back in his life after what all of you did to him? I can hardly believe that he will." Hetty replied before turning around, indicating that the conversation was over.

"You said…" Kensi stammered quietly to Sam. "That he umm… wrote a letter for me? W—where is it?" Kensi asked, fighting for control of her tears.

"Oh, yeah. I actually have it in my car. Wait here and I'll get it for you." Sam assured her, before taking off running down the hallway.

When he returned with a folded piece of paper in his hand everyone but Kensi stared at him, confused.

"It's the letter that Deeks wrote before they released me." Sam explained to those who had not heard Kensi ask him to retrieve it. He turned his attention back to Kensi. "I guess he wrote it when he thought he was going to die and he asked me to give it to you, but with everything that happened in the hospital the first time I forgot to give it to you, and after we got out I thought that I should give it to him since he was still alive and maybe he wanted to do something else with it… but as you see, we didn't have the chance to talk, and now with him in the OR between life and death, I thought you should have it. After all, he wrote if for you. You were the only thing in his mind there. I didn't read it, it's for you, not me. You can do whatever you want with it." Sam told her, before turning and walking away from them.


	31. Chapter 31

Kensi was in shock… Deeks had sacrificed his life to save Sam and Michelle, and, even though he knew he was going to die, all he cared about—all he could think about—was her. He hadn't wanted to leave her without an explanation, without saying goodbye… she rushed out of the hospital, letter in hand, wanting to be alone with only Deeks' words. Nell was about to follow her, but was stopped by Hetty.

"Ms. Jones, let her go. She needs to be alone right now and shouldn't be disturbed by anyone except if they have news on Mr. Deeks."

Nell nodded and returned to Eric's side.

Kensi kept running until she was well out of the hospital, finding herself in the garden at the back of the building. She sat on a bench and opened the letter. She noticed that the paper was stained with Deeks' blood, and that was when she noticed her hands, too, were stained with his blood. She had not cleaned them.

She stared at the paper for the longest time before starting to read what was written on it.

"I'm sorry Kens. You should know that I didn't want it to be like this, but if you are reading this then that means you already know that I'm dead. I'm sorry that you have to read this and learn what I'm going to say in this way… I know that you are very upset because I couldn't keep my promise to you. I saw this as the only option left, but you have to believe me when I say that I did everything I could to keep my promise, to stay alive… to come back to you. It just wasn't enough.

Now, with everything that's happened to me, all I can think of is you, and how I'm not going to be there for you, how I'm not gonna be able to watch your back and get you donuts and Twinkies, but the hardest part of all is knowing that I won't ever see you again. All of the years I was partnered with you were the most amazing years of my life. I know I wasn't the best partner, I was very annoying and often upset you and made some mistakes, but I was always there for you like you were there for me.

I have many things I have wanted to tell you, but like you said I have "poor communication skills." Actually, we both suck when it comes to talking from our hearts, to talking about our "thing."

Shortly after I met you I was having some troubles coming back from an undercover operation. I was about to quit my job, but you made me stay. You were the only reason I stayed. You guided me through it. Our first months together there was some bantering and teasing, but it was a partnership thing. As time passed by I started to get used to you and we started to hang out after we finished cases, watching movies and TV shows, and in no time I started to have feelings for you. I tried to keep them deep down inside of me, that was something I was good at, but they just kept growing each and every day I spent with you. I couldn't imagine myself without you: you were the one for me and I have always thought that you were going to be with me until the end. I always thought that something would happen that would let us live happily ever after, that you would be the one I woke up beside in the morning, and the last person I saw before falling asleep. All I wanted was to become lost in those beautiful mismatched eyes you have—oh my God, I'm going to miss those eyes. I'm going to miss everything about you: the way your hair slips out of your ponytails and falls in your face, you cannot imagine how many times I wanted to raise my hand to tuck your loose hair behind your ears, stroke your face, and pull you closer to kiss your soft lips.

I guess all I want to say is this: I love you Kens. Always have and always will. I love the way your eyes light up when you're trying not to smile at one of my stupid jokes, I love that creepy laugh you have, the way you punch me to show me how much you care. I love absolutely everything about you Kens, and I would never want to change any of it. And sometimes, they way you talked to me, the way you moved around me, the jealousy you showed when I was with other girls undercover, I could swear to God that you felt the same. But every time I tried to tell you how I felt there was something that stopped me from being able to form the words, despite the fact that you usually make everything easy, when it came to telling you what was in my heart, it was the hardest thing for me to do. Maybe it was because I was scared that you would reject me, because I couldn't live in this world if you did and I didn't have the chance to be with you. So… that's why I wrote you this letter, because I never had the courage to say this in person.

That's all I wanted to say. I know it was selfish of me to tell you this, because it won't help you now that I'm dead, but I needed to tell you so I know that at least you will know how I felt about you. I love you Kens. I love you so much, and the only regret I have is that I didn't kiss you sooner, that I didn't give our "thing" a chance.

I want you to always remember me because you were the only one for me. But, you have to promise me that you won't lock yourself away from people and hide behind the walls you built up after Jack left you. You should trust people more because not all of them are going to be like Jack and me. Not all of them are going to leave you.

Last thing I want to say is that I wish you a very long, happy, safe life.

With love from your partner,

Marty Deeks "

Kensi began crying the moment she started reading, and the sobs and tears didn't stop. Everyone that passed by her looked towards her, confused. She couldn't believe how much Deeks had put into this letter: his sweet words, the things he said all he cared about, were only to say goodbye to her and tell her that he was sorry that he couldn't keep his promise. All he had cared about was her and only her, and, knowing that she'd rejected him after that, she cried even harder.

It had been three hours since Deeks had disappeared into the OR. A doctor finally came out and called, "Family of Mr. Deeks?"

In seconds the agents were standing behind Hetty, waiting for the doctor to tell them how Deeks was doing. Nell pulled her phone out and quickly texted Kensi.

"We are the family of Mr. Deeks." Hetty answered the doctor.

Kensi's phone vibrated. She pulled it out to see a message from Nell, and when she opened it she read: "The doctor's come out. Get here now."

The moment she read it she was already sprinting back to the hospital.

The doctor looked at the charts in his hand and sighed, before taking a deep breath and preparing to speak. At that moment Kensi appeared. The doctor eyed her, disapproving of the way she'd come running through the halls, but ignored her and began to talk. "Well, it was a miracle that the bullet missed his heart since he was shot from such close range. We managed to remove the bullet and stop the bleeding, but he is still in critical condition right now. What concerns me the most is his head injury; it was very severe. We hope it won't have any effect on him, but as I said, it was severe." The doctor explained.

"Can we see him?" Kensi asked quickly.

"He's in ICU right now; you can go and see him one at a time, but he needs as much rest as he can get. The only thing we can do for him right now is pray, nothing more. He's on his own now." The doctor replied, before leaving them to return to his office.

They all looked at each other before Hetty nodded for them to follow her.

They all went in to see him alone, and they each gave their own show of support: Eric gave him a pat on the arm, telling to hold it together, Callen gave his shoulder a squeeze, Sam stood for a minute in silence, Nell bent down and kissed his cheek, and Hetty just stared at the figure lying motionless in front of her, a couple of tears rolling down her face. If anyone saw her like that, they wouldn't believe this was the same little ninja assassin. Everyone went in to see him until there was only Kensi left, who wasn't sure she could do it. It was déjà vu. It was like after Sidorov the first time… and that was the one morbidly funny thing about this… it was because of Sidorov this time too. Kensi knew it had been a miracle that Deeks survived the first one, she worried he wouldn't be able to pull through a second one.

Nell, after she walked out of Deeks' room, noticed that Kensi was sitting in a chair, lost in her thoughts. It was obvious what she was thinking: she was blaming herself for everything that had happened to Deeks.

Nell approached the other woman and sat next to her. "You know you're the only one who hasn't seen him?" She asked, rubbing Kensi's arm.

"I don't know if I can, Nell. He's lying there because of me. Because I was so stubborn that I didn't give us a chance, because I was afraid of losing him. But I lost him by pushing him away. I hurt him too much, and now I don't think that I have the right to go and see him." She whispered, tears rolling down her face and guilt clear in her body language.

"Don't say that. You made a mistake that you regret, but are you going to do it again?" Nell questioned.

"What do you mean?" Kensi asked, wiping tears off her face.

"You left him the first time. Are you going to leave him again? To deal with this alone ? Aren't you going to fight for him? Or are you just going to watch him suffer again." Nell demanded, annoyed by Kensi's behavior.

"No. No I don't want to do that to him, I don't want to hurt him anymore. But what if he doesn't want me there?" Kensi answered, angered by Nell's words.

"Are you kidding me Kensi? He is deeply in love with you! How could you possibly think that he doesn't want you there? You know that you are the only one who could help him with this. Even if he said that he doesn't want it, you are the only one for him."

"How do you know that? How do you know that he doesn't hate me? And if he doesn't want to see me again, because he has every right not to, I wouldn't blame him. I can't even look at myself without being disgusted. I have myself to blame for what I've done to him." Kensi admitted, unconvinced by Nell's words.

"Because. He. Loves. You! If he wasn't madly in love with you he wouldn't have done what he did. He wouldn't have stood up for you against Callen and Sam, he wouldn't have gotten so protective of you with Jack, and he definitely wouldn't have wanted to leave, but because he cared about your happiness he left because he knew that otherwise there would be trouble with Jack. And don't forget how many times he stood up for you, even when you didn't want him to. He was there for you, so be there for him and stand beside him! Fight with him, help him get better and try to make it up to him! Even if it's hard and even if he has a hard time accepting it, at least you won't feel guilty about leaving him alone." Nell urged, trying to convince her to help Deeks and not leave him to fight alone.

"I will always feel guilty Nell… it was me who caused him to be like this in the first place. So don't say that I won't feel guilty." Kensi said, frustrated.

"Okay. So what are you going to do now?" Nell demanded, irritated.

"I will do all I can to help him recover, no matter how much he pushes me away. I won't leave him alone in there, I will fight with him, I will be there for him, and I won't ever back down. He needs me and I won't let him down, even if he doesn't want my help." Kensi said, new determination filling her. She stood up and put herself together. "I'll go clean myself up then I'll go see him."

Nell gave her shoulder a squeeze before the agent walked off towards the bathroom.


	32. Chapter 32

**Okay everyone who is reading this story I'm so sorry for the delay of the update for this chapter but my friend Padria got sick and it took her some time to finish the review of this chapter (I hope she get better as soon as possible , and I thank her for all her work with me to this story, cause without her it wouldn't be the same ) , and to make it worse I got in a car accident and I got out with a broken arm and some scratches , but luckily I have two chapters in advance and I will post them after Padria finish the review for them , but I'll try my best to write in one hand but it's gonna take a little bit longer than this , I hope my arm will heal quick enough to get back to the way I was right before .**

**Thank you all for reading this story and all the reviews and the favorites and the following to this story, it's an honor to me .**

**And now without all of my rambling and I'll let you to the new chapter . **

Ten minutes later Kensi walked out of the bathroom and headed to Deeks' room. She stopped at the door for a moment before continuing on into the room.

When she walked in, the first thing she saw were his blond curls sticking out from the white bandage around his head. She moved to his side, eyes locked on his face, before letting her eyes roam down to his chest, which was mostly covered by a blanket. She saw the scar on his right shoulder peeking out from the top of the blanket, which brought back the memory of the day when they'd rescued him the first time and the doctor had said that he'd needed forty seven stitches…

She pulled the blanket back slightly, revealing the rest of that long knife scar, as well as two others—one up high on his chest, the other on his abdomen—and the bullet wound from that day. The bullet wound was covered with a bandage.

Kensi traced the scars—careful of the fresh injury—feeling their ridges, knowing that they were reminders of what had happened to him and that there was no way he was going to be able to forget them. They would always be there. Even after the team had saved him the first time, and hoped that he would get back to his old self quickly, fate just had a twisted sense of humor and decided to make him suffer again… she wasn't sure he was going to make it through this mental trauma again… or if he would even make it out alive at all.

She tilted her head towards his chest and pressed her lips to the lowest scar, moved up and kissed the scar on his shoulder, then kissed his neck and right cheek, and finally kissed him on the lips: a long, deep kiss.

"I love you Deeks. I know it's too late and that I don't have the right to say it to you, but I love you, and I need you to fight to stay alive. I'm sorry that I left you the first time—for all of the times I left you before—but I'm not going to leave you again. I can't imagine my life without you; you are the best thing that's ever happened in my life. I know that you love me, so you just have to fight to get better and I'll do anything you ask me to do: I'll let you drive my car and control the radio station…" Her voice trailed off as she spoke to him, hoping that he could hear her and know that she was sorry for what she did.

She lay down next to him, carefully, not wanting to cause him any more pain. She rested her head on his shoulder, tears rolling down her face and onto his bare skin, and before she knew it she was asleep.

That was when Hetty appeared and, dropping a blanket on Kensi, murmured to the sleeping Agent, "I fear it is too late, but I hope that he will take you back." She sat on the chair and watched them both sleep, hoping that her detective would be out of the woods soon.

Time passed and it was dawn when Hetty left the room, leaving Kensi cuddling Deeks with her arm around his waist.

"How is he?" Callen asked out in the hall.

"Well it's still hard to know, but as long as he is breathing that's a good sign. I left them both asleep." Hetty answered, sounding sad.

"Is there something wrong Hetty?" Callen asked in concern.

"Everything is wrong, Mr. Callen. Mr. Deeks is lying there, hanging onto life by a thread, and no one knows what's going to happen. And, to make it worse, Miss Blye is broken and vulnerable over him and in a very worrying condition. I'm afraid she is going to lost it, because if something more happens to Mr. Deeks, she won't be able to forgive herself… and if he gets out of this alive I don't think he will forgive her, or anyone actually, not to mention take her back. That, too, will make her suffer, but no one can blame Mr. Deeks if that is what he does." Hetty explained.

Callen nodded. "No one can blame him for what he might do, because he has the right to do anything. It's our fault; we abandoned him and left him behind alone. That's on the three of us Hetty; we are the ones who should be blamed."

"Yes. It is on the three of you. But what good will that do Mr. Callen? We've already lost Mr. Deeks and there is no way to get him back except…"

"Except for what Hetty? Is there anything we can do? You know that we're willing to do anything to help Deeks and make it up to him."

"There is nothing anyone can do to help him, it's just up to Mr. Deeks." Was Hetty's reply.

"What do you mean Hetty? A moment ago you just said there was a way…"

"Well, the only way to help him is Kensi. If he hasn't turned the page on her then there might be a chance to help Mr. Deeks, if he still wants her back—and that's a long shot." Hetty explained.

"So you're saying that his feelings for Kensi are out only hope in getting him back." Callen clarified.

"Precisely, Mr. Callen."

"Okay." Came a voice from behind them. "Then we have a good chance because he cares a lot much about her; she's the love of his life."

Callen leapt in the air, his hand covering his heart, and turned to face Nell who had interrupted them. "What the Hell Nell!" Callen gasped, trying to steady his breathing.

"Sorry about that." Nell said, giving him an apologetic smile.

"Don't worry about it. What did you mean, though?"

"First, you saw how he stood up for her against you and Sam when he found out you left her alone with Jack, second, you hard what Eric said in the bullpen when Deeks resigned, and third, Eric and I have seen the way he looks at her and how he talks about her; he cares very deeply for her, and it won't be easy for him to forget that." Nell explained.

"That's correct, Miss Jones, but like I said, let's hope that Mr. Deeks hasn't given up on Kensi." Hetty said before walking away.

"Well." Callen started. "Then all we have to do is tell Kensi to do everything she can to make this happen."

In the morning Kensi awoke to the view of Deeks' golden curls. She smiled, still snuggling against his chest, before looking around and adjusting to her surroundings and remembering what had happened and why Deeks was lying motionless beside her. That was when she realized that she was sleeping with her arm draped over his chest and couldn't remember actually falling asleep.

She bolted up right and off of the hospital bed, checking to make sure she hadn't harmed Deeks.

"Don't worry, nothing happened to him." A nurse reassured him from the doorway.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. When I fell asleep I was only beside him, my arm must have moved when I was asleep. I didn't mean to—."

"Like I said," the nurse interrupted, "Don't worry, you didn't hurt him. We were checking on you every now and then to make sure. And actually, what you did might help him: the mind can feel the surroundings and it might have done him some good to feel someone close to him." The nurse explained.

"Thank you." Kensi said gratefully, before heading to the bathroom to wash up. She started to think that the sleep she'd just had beside Deeks was her most peaceful, ever. How did she mess everything up? How did she refuse to sleep like that next to her partner all of the time? Why did she destroy everything because she was too scared, too stubborn, to give him—to give them—a chance.

When she walked out of the bathroom Callen was waiting for her. She saw him and considered not talking to him, but decided it was inevitable and walked towards him. "What do you want Callen?" She asked coldly.

"I was talking to Hetty about this situation and how to help Deeks." Callen cut to the chase, knowing anything else would be futile.

"And how could we help him if he makes it out of this?"

"He's going to make it, he's a fighter."

"And how are we going to help him after he gets out of this?" She repeated, not convinced at what Callen was saying.

"Hetty, Nell and I talked about it earlier this morning and we decided that there was only one chance to help him." Callen answered her.

"And that would be…" Kensi prompted.

"You." Callen said simply.

"What do you mean 'me'?"

"We talked and talked and it turned out that you are the only one that can help him. You are the one he cares about the most, without question."

"But, as you may remember Callen, I betrayed him. I left him when he needed me the most, just to jump in bed with Jack. How do you think he'll let me into his life again?" She responded in a sad tone.

"Don't say that. Yes, you made a mistake, but he loves you and you are the only hope we have of getting him back!"

"How can you say that? Everyone says that he loves me and cares about me, how could you all know that?" She wondered aloud.

"For God's sake Kensi! You are his weakness! You are the only one he thinks about, you are everything to him, and even if he says he doesn't want you in his life, you are his only chance. Because after this, if he doesn't get help, he is going to lose himself and this time he won't be coming back. If you don't do this then he won't accept anyone's help!" He yelled, trying to make her understand.

"What do you want me to do, Callen? How can I convince him to let me back into his life!?" She responded, tears stinging her eyes.

"You have to help him in every way that you can. Push yourself to the limits, don't take no for an answer: show him the way. He still hasn't given up on you, so you can't give up on him. You just have to do everything you can to help him and ignore whatever he says to you, whatever he does to push you out of his life. Do you understand me Kensi? You are out last chance."

Kensi didn't have the strength to answer, so she just nodded.

"Good. Now go clean yourself up again and get back in there." Callen told her.

She complied, walking to the bathroom and washing her face for the second time that morning, before returning to the team, waiting outside Deeks' door; the doctor was inside checking up on Deeks.

When the doctor finished he walked out of the room and looked for the Detective's family. When they saw him, they all came over to him.

"Any progress on Mr. Deeks, doctor?" Hetty asked.

"Well his heart rate is improving and his breathing is back to normal, which are both good things, and he's healing, but… he's still on the edge." The doctor replied.

"And what about his head injury?" Kensi asked.

"We can't know anything for certain until he wakes up and we can determine if he is suffering from temporary amnesia or not." The doctor explained.

"He's going to lose his memory?" Kensi demanded, shocked and angry.

"We are not sure of that yet. I was told that he was hit with a baseball bat and the hit was strong enough to render him unconscious, so it wouldn't be a surprise if he has temporary amnesia." The doctor clarified.

"Amnesia for how long?."

"Like I said, it would be temporary if he suffers from amnesia. I imagine it would just be for a couple of days.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have several other patients to see." The doctor said, and, when he got a nod from Hetty, he turned and walked away from them.


End file.
